Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Oct 24th, 2016, 17:42 PM   1
VickyLou
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: West Midlands UK
Posts: 1,819

Post Natal Depression


Talk to me ladies who have suffered with post natal depression?
How did you feel? Symptoms?
How did you deal with it?
Did you recognise that you had it or did a doctor have to tell you you had it?
When did it go away?
How did you feel towards your child?

I'm struggling here. Feel like I'm drowning some days. I don't know if it's the baby or cause I had such a traumatic birth (birth story is section) I've spoke to my doctor who's referred me back to the hospital to have a chat about my labour and why things went so wrong. I nearly died
Some days I feel so much love for my daughter and then other days I can't stand to be near her. I feel so terrible for feeling like this. Please don't judge me.
Will this get better??



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 25th, 2016, 08:50 AM   2
Teri7489
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central scotland
Posts: 2,101
So sorry you aren't feeling great at the minute after a really hard time! Big hugs xxx

I had a traumatic labour with my first which resulted in PND and PTSD. It was an awful time but I got sorted and went on to have another baby when she was 14 months.

Initially I felt like I was mourning. I was sad and grieving my old life, anything at all made me cry and I just wanted my husband. At times I wished someone would just come and take my daughter away, and sometimes wished she would get I'll so she could go stay at the hospital. At the same time I was overwhelmed with guilt for ever thinking such a thing I used to get this really warm feeling wash Iver me that made me feel sick, like I was suffocating and wanted to run and hide. my HV used to visit and I'd just cry and ask her what I was doing wrong, why didn't my daughter sleep (she did but I just didn't see it) I was told time and time again it was just baby blues unail I admitted that I wanted them to just take her. after that I was referred to a senior midwife who went through my notes and referred me to therapy which really really helped. It took time, some silent cuddles and patience on my husbands part to get through it. My daughter was only 10 months when we started ttc again, lost our little one but then I fell pregnant with my son when she was 14 months. It may seem like a lifetime away but with the right support you can improve your mental health. Keep pushing with your doctor if you really are low and need support . I wish you all the best xxxx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 25th, 2016, 11:19 AM   3
VickyLou
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: West Midlands UK
Posts: 1,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teri7489 View Post
So sorry you aren't feeling great at the minute after a really hard time! Big hugs xxx

I had a traumatic labour with my first which resulted in PND and PTSD. It was an awful time but I got sorted and went on to have another baby when she was 14 months.

Initially I felt like I was mourning. I was sad and grieving my old life, anything at all made me cry and I just wanted my husband. At times I wished someone would just come and take my daughter away, and sometimes wished she would get I'll so she could go stay at the hospital. At the same time I was overwhelmed with guilt for ever thinking such a thing I used to get this really warm feeling wash Iver me that made me feel sick, like I was suffocating and wanted to run and hide. my HV used to visit and I'd just cry and ask her what I was doing wrong, why didn't my daughter sleep (she did but I just didn't see it) I was told time and time again it was just baby blues unail I admitted that I wanted them to just take her. after that I was referred to a senior midwife who went through my notes and referred me to therapy which really really helped. It took time, some silent cuddles and patience on my husbands part to get through it. My daughter was only 10 months when we started ttc again, lost our little one but then I fell pregnant with my son when she was 14 months. It may seem like a lifetime away but with the right support you can improve your mental health. Keep pushing with your doctor if you really are low and need support . I wish you all the best xxxx
Thank you so much for your reply. You have pretty much just described how I am feeling. My doctor will do all she can for me, we have a really good relationship, she understands me etc. When I saw her last week I told her I don't want medication but she wants me to think about having it after I've had a chat with the hospital about what happened with my labour/birth. She hopes my feelings will go away after I've got my head around what happened.
My first was 13 months when I found out I was pregnant again. I'll be honest it was fair too soon for me. I wanted another baby just not when she came along. I didn't bond with my pregnancy really. I'm glad is over but now have this baby with me 24/7 that I have mixed emotions about. I feel digested in my self for thinking these things about this innocent little girl I pray I get my appointment through soon so I can talk to the midwives. I feel like I'm wasting valuable bonding time with my daughter.

Thank you again. I'm so glad you got through it. X



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 25th, 2016, 13:47 PM   4
Teri7489
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central scotland
Posts: 2,101
No problem. Its good to get things off your chest at times esp to people have gone through it.

I didn't need any medication at all. The therapy (eye movement reprocessing therapy) worked great but had that not been available I would have taken medication.

I used to think I was wasting bonding time but now I think back and recognise it was a difficult time that I didn't choose. It was how I felt at the time and I couldn't change it. I hope you can get to that mindset soon. Your feelings aren't your fault, you are doing the best you can.

I initially felt I had my son too soon but now he's a year and I see my 2 playing together that feeling has gone. it was challenging to start with but now I wouldn't have it any other way.

if you need to chat at all then feel free to private mail me xxx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 25th, 2016, 16:44 PM   5
VickyLou
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: West Midlands UK
Posts: 1,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teri7489 View Post
No problem. Its good to get things off your chest at times esp to people have gone through it.

I didn't need any medication at all. The therapy (eye movement reprocessing therapy) worked great but had that not been available I would have taken medication.

I used to think I was wasting bonding time but now I think back and recognise it was a difficult time that I didn't choose. It was how I felt at the time and I couldn't change it. I hope you can get to that mindset soon. Your feelings aren't your fault, you are doing the best you can.

I initially felt I had my son too soon but now he's a year and I see my 2 playing together that feeling has gone. it was challenging to start with but now I wouldn't have it any other way.

if you need to chat at all then feel free to private mail me xxx
Thank you so much. I appreciate you getting back to me. Like you say it's good to get things off your chest sometimes especially to people that don't know you and have been there themselves so they understand.

I talk to my partner all the time when I'm having a really bad day but I think he's struggling. He doesn't understand why I'm feeling this way and doesn't know what to do to make it better.

I would really rather not take medication if I can avoid it. I personally feel from past experience theh just mask the problem they don't fix it. Some problems you can mask for a little while and deal with later but this is something that needs dealing with straight away. I hate feeling this way, I just want to feel a rush of love for my daughter. It took time with my first too cause again I had a traumatic birth and her having problems for a few months but it did come at around 10 weeks.

thank you again Hun xx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 26th, 2016, 15:36 PM   6
Teri7489
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central scotland
Posts: 2,101
That rush will come, just like it did before. I just read your birth story and I'm not at all surprised you are feeling this way. Just know in time you will think back and it won't be so painful. You won't forget what happened but the raw feelings won't be so so evident.

As for your husband it will be heartbreaking. His partner has just gone through a difficult time, something he couldn't do anything about. and now he is watching you struggle and probably feels helpless. Not only that but he won't have full understanding of it as he didn't feel the pain, the hormones, the guilt or any of your feelings. It will all fall in to place soon enough and you will be happy again. The worry you had about having a second baby too soon will fade. Go easy on yourself, you've been to hell and back xxx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 28th, 2016, 02:10 AM   7
VickyLou
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: West Midlands UK
Posts: 1,819
So everyone keeps telling me but us woman are always hard on ourselves especially when it comes to our children. I know I went through a tough time with the labour and birth it's still not over yet. I'm still not healed, I've had 2 infections since coming out of hospital. 1 because my scar opened up and 2 because my doctor discovered the hospital had left 3 stitches in my scar area so she had to remove them. I have a very sore large lump on the right hand side of my scar aswel. It just seems it's never ending with this scar at the moment. I just want to be back to full health like now!!

Still not heard from the hospital either they are taking there time with this appointment. Don't know how much more I can take dealing with my thoughts alone. You are right about my other half though, he told me how he was feeling yesterday, he just wants to help me and take my pain away but feels helpless cause he doesn't know what to do. He wants to help but doesn't know how he can and I don't know how he can either.

I really appreciate your advice and wisdom. Thank you. X



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 28th, 2016, 03:20 AM   8
Teri7489
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central scotland
Posts: 2,101
Have you got good pain relief? I was initially given a box of painkillers that would last a week but I had to go back to my GP as I needed it for almost 6 weeks (I had 300+ stitches that got infected and some didn't dissolve so had to have them removed)

Can you get out and about? As painful as it was I used to go out every day, even a walk to the shop just to clear my head. Sometimes I'd go to town and just slowly wander, felt nice being surrounded by lots of people who didn't want to talk to me if that makes sense?

You can phone up the hospital to see where they are with your appointment, sometimes a little pressure can speed things up. Maybe even go back to you HV or GP and ask then to see what's happening. Asking only shows how much you need the support.

Try to be kind to yourself, a facial, a bath, something for just you. Ask your partner for a little massage if you can cope with it. Will help you two bond and maybe will be able to get to a deeper conversation about how you are both feeling which isn't often easy in normal conversation.

Sorry if I am bombarding you with things, I just remember that dark place well and those things helped a little and got me through the days until therapy. Xxx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 28th, 2016, 07:34 AM   9
caz_hills
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: South East, UK
Posts: 5,266
I really feel for you huge hugs. With my son I had postnatal depression. Those days were so dark and painful. It took my two and a half years to have the courage to ttc again. This time around I'm so reluebed as I've been fine - the difference is huge.

Please do try and speed the dr appointment up. They can hopefully refer you for some support. I did take anti depressants but you don't have to. You could always try some counselling or groups locally first? Like others have said I did find getting out - even though I fell SO tired, really helped. I spoke to my mum a lot and she came once a week and those days were the best as she helped, I could nap etc.

My husband to this day didn't understand. He saw how much pain I was in but couldn't understand although he tried. In his defence, I know it did ruin his experience too and I feel sad about that as it was hard for him too seeing me so low. Thats not to make you feel guilty at all - I just realise this now looking back.

It will get better - I felt it ever could but it will. Stay strong xxxx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 28th, 2016, 18:38 PM   10
VickyLou
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: West Midlands UK
Posts: 1,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teri7489 View Post
Have you got good pain relief? I was initially given a box of painkillers that would last a week but I had to go back to my GP as I needed it for almost 6 weeks (I had 300+ stitches that got infected and some didn't dissolve so had to have them removed)

Can you get out and about? As painful as it was I used to go out every day, even a walk to the shop just to clear my head. Sometimes I'd go to town and just slowly wander, felt nice being surrounded by lots of people who didn't want to talk to me if that makes sense?

You can phone up the hospital to see where they are with your appointment, sometimes a little pressure can speed things up. Maybe even go back to you HV or GP and ask then to see what's happening. Asking only shows how much you need the support.

Try to be kind to yourself, a facial, a bath, something for just you. Ask your partner for a little massage if you can cope with it. Will help you two bond and maybe will be able to get to a deeper conversation about how you are both feeling which isn't often easy in normal conversation.

Sorry if I am bombarding you with things, I just remember that dark place well and those things helped a little and got me through the days until therapy. Xxx
I've finished all my tablets now with me being 8 weeks past birth. I'm not actually in a lot of pain with the scar apart from the lump I have but the pain comes and goes from that. Wow 300 stitches is a lot, ouch!! My stitches wernt dissolvable they had to be removed but they didn't remove them all hence the second infection 5 weeks into recovery.

I can get out and about but it's very difficult with the baby and my almost 2 year old. She's a handful at the moment. She never wants to leave the house and when we do its a total disaster, she has a melt down from the minute we leave till we get back home. I've just enrolled into nursery today though for 2 days a week so I'm hoping that will help her a lot and it will help me to get out abit more and hopefully force me to bond abit with the baby.

If nothing comes in the post on Monday then I'm going to ring the doctors to get her to chase it up. I don't know where she referred me to so I can't chase it up.

Me and the other half are good, he's doing a lot for me at the moment. He's just had two weeks off work, he hurt his back but I also think he was thinking of me. He really didn't need 2 weeks off but he had them. He's taking the lead with the baby at the moment doing a lot of things I should be doing but I just don't want too. That's so bad when you put it in writing. I feel like such a bad mother. I just spend a lot of my time with my 2 year. I don't know if this sounds strange but I feel like I'm grieving for the life I had with just me and her while the other half was at work.

Today has been a bad day, I've barely looked at my little girl. I've given her 1 feed all day while the other half has done everything else for her. I've just stayed out of her way as much as I could such a shit mother!! X



 
Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
depression , natal , post

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



SEO by vBSEO