...to constantly think about the birth?

My beautiful little girl is now over 6 months old and I still think about her delivery every single day. I had quite a difficult birth; we were both constantly monitored, she became distressed, she was back-to-back, I had an epiostomy & assisted delivery (ventouse) and then (because I had meconium in my waters from where she'd become distressed) she had to be taken from me after only a few seconds to have her lungs cleared. We had a really difficult time breastfeeding too and, to cut a long story short, after a difficult birth and hours of her refusing the breast we both became so emotional that we gave up.

It just seems like nothing went to plan and I can't seem to get past that. It's to the point that I can't bear to listen to other people's birth stories, find it very hard talking about it and everytime something comes on the TV about birth I have to leave the room or change the channel else I end up panicking and freaking out.

I was diagnosed with PND when Amy was about 3 months old and I know that probably has something to do with it but I don't know if it's normal to think about the birth so much and get so upset when anybody mentions it? Any advice ladies, this is really starting to get me down.

I don't really have a lot of advice, but didn't want to not reply

I do wonder if it might be worth talking to your HV or GP (whoever you feel comfortable with!) about the possibility of you having PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). It's something which can occur after a traumatic birth. My birth story is very similar to yours, and I think the only reason I managed to avoid PTSD related to the birth was because I already suffer from it relating to something else

Hope you manage to talk to someone soon, you don't have to suffer like this

hey i'm exactly the same i planned a beautiful home birth with a birth pool and my midwife who i had been with from the start, soft lights music my hypnobirthing cd etcetc

a week before the birth they realised he was breech and in an awkward position and told me horrible things like if i didn't have a c section his body would come out but his head would get stuck and he'd suffocate

i was booked for a c section and the next couple of days i just sat around crying looking up how to turn breech babies online doing funny headstands and things

on the day of my c section they scanned he was still breech. i was all ready to go and i have a phobia of needles. they stuck the iv drip in me and got me to bend over for the spinal. i was sitting there crying my eyes out clinging onto OH while they kept having to 'retry' getting the needle in my back. throughout the op i kept nearly passing out and they had to inject me to raise my bp and i was laying there crying saying no i've changed my mind get me out of here with them ignoring me........

ok going off track here im going to stop typing but just letting you know that it's nearly a year later and i still think about it all the time. i sometimes cry and sometimes thinking about it i get really faint. my scar still aches sometimes which makes me feel really sick remembering being cut open and hands fishing around inside my stomach.

i get really angry when people 'choose' to have a c section because they think it's easy or les painful!!!!!!!!!!

it is normal, we are being human. when i gave birth i push for two hours, it ended having the baby vacuumed, and me a tear up to my anus, a bloodshot eyes, blood clots all over my face and chest. hubby took a video of the delivery, but it took me a month to watch it. and even watching it, i can still feel the pain!

my sister had a traumatic birth experience too,the baby was almost stillbirth. it took her 6 years before having another one, even with that , she said it was an accident pregnancy but she dont want to abort either.

take heart Shay, you are not alone, just think that even with the difficult ,painful birth, you have a beautiful little girl!

I had a birth experience similar to urs, I ended up with emergency CS. stained water, baby in distress, they took my baby to clear his lungs, baby couldnt latch on, etc. It still freaks me out. The 1st month was horrible, I couldnt stop crying.

I wanted to TTC again after 1 yr, but now I cant even think about having another baby. I still think about my delivery & it gives me a chill.

Until now, I cant move on. I have a wonderful DH & a very cute baby, but I still think about what happened & I freeze. I think it takes time xx

i agree. im the same, though its getting slightly easier i still burst into tears if i am asked about the birth by someone who didnt know what happened. i keep meaning to talk to someone about it as eala is right, ptsd is common after a traumatic birth. my hv/gp's are useless though, but if yours are any better it might be worth asking if you can access the counselling service. talking through it could help you to make sense of what happened and help you to accept it

As the other ladies have said, perfectly normal. I was induced and in labour for ages, his heart rate was up and down and when he came out he wasnt breathing and was limp I still have nightmares and cant really talk about it with anyone. I couldnt breast feed and then was bed bound for 48 hours not being able to walk with SPD, never felt so much pain in my life and hope I never do again

*hugs*

x

Well if it isn't normal then we're all messed up. I had a relatively normal birth altho I never knew it was even possible to be in so much pain and live, but afterwards the placenta wouldn't detach and when the midwife tried to coax it free by gently tugging on the cord, it broke and I started to hemorrage. I just lay there feeling the blood pouring out of me and getting faint. One minute DH and I are cuddling our LO and the next, he's being hustled from the room which fills up with doctors and OR staff. I'm being injected for IV lines, having my already aching tummy kneaded to work up contractions and when this fails one doc inserts his hands to try to pull the thing out, of course the pain was excrutiating and this was the point at which I passed out while hearing one doctor calling my name and saying "stay with us". When I came to, there was just me and the midwife, IVs all stuck in me, catheter up my foo foo into my bladder to drain it, oxygen mask on......I looked as tho I was involved in a car wreck.....DH couldn't believe it when he came back in the room, the look of shock on his face. One doctor kept telling me from then until I left the hospital 3 days later, not to have any more kids..... I lost almost 2 litres of blood and my already low haemoglobin levels plumetted even further, I'm still on iron tabs to raise it 3 months along......

So hun, is it normal??.......... I think it would be abnormal not to.....