My beautiful daughter is 9days old today ...I love her to pieces! I just feel...clueless to be honest.
Firstly, I had an emergency section, baby was in distress, it was the safest method of delivery for her. I feel crappy about that...like i couldn't manage to push out my own baby :'( Secondly, I LOVED breastfeeding, but i had to stop, LO has tongue tie that made it difficult for her to latch.. it wasnt worth her pain or frustration.
I am finding the night time slightly tricky. My baby is ALWAYS hungry. She went from taking 3oz every 2 in a half hours, to taking 5oz every 4hours.
Sometimes she gets more in between. she always seems to be genuinely hungry.. i feel like I am starving my child.
I am using cow and gate infant milk, considering moving to cow and gate for hungrier babies?!
Sigh...I don't no. I just love her so much and I can't bare the thought that she hates me already.
Also am quite weepy.
I don't want people to think i can't cope. I think im just over whelmed?!
You are a great mum! The fact that you feel so bad for things out of your control shows what a great mammy you are! I gave birth vaginally to a 10 lbs 6 oz baby. As a result I tore all the way suffering a 4th degree tear. Additionally, since LO was so big and I am not that big, he literally ran out of room to grow. So he was born with one side of his neck muscles completely weak and with his right foot bent abnormally. I went through so much guilt that maybe if I hadn't eaten so many sweets he might have been smaller, to feelings of immense anger that my doctor did not induce me earlier or suggest a c-section. I cried every single day for the first month. Looks like you are going through some of the same. This, in addition to some postpartum depression can make each passing day difficult. What helped me was to talk with people l love and trust, my mother and OH for example. I would rehash the same thing over and over and they listened and showed me alternate ways of looking at things and reminding me that at the end of the day I have a healthy LO and that is what matters.
I took one day at a time and through every single minute that I felt down or angry or like a failure I told myself "this will pass. I will feel better at some point". Slowly but surely I have improved and now I am enjoying motherhood. Happy to report that my LO has had physiotherapy and now is a happy and normal baby.
Please don't think that birthing vaginally is somehow superior to a section. Looking back I would have had a section in a heartbeat over all the pain and mess I went through delivering vaginally. As for not breastfeeding, as long as LO is doing well, you should not worry. At the end of the day, your LO needs a happy mam, so she can become a happy baby herself. So please don't beat yourself up about what happened. Just congratulate yourself that you made such a beautiful baby and that you love her so much! That is all that matters.
Aww hun it's quite normal to feel a bit weepy and overwhelmed in the early days. Have you spoken to your HV or someone about how you're feeling just to get a bit of extra support?
I remember when my LO (now 6 weeks) was about 7 or 8 days old I'd not slept more than about 15 hours in total since his birth and was a wreck. I'd been sat there with him latched on all day, be like a zombie just staring into space and several hours just whizzed past without me realising and he'd been sat in his dirty nappy for about 4 or 5 hours, it had stuck to his skin and he looked all sore and horrid. I burst into tears and felt like the worst, neglectful bitch ever to have a baby. I felt like SCUM...
Looking back I laugh, LO wasn't even bothered by his nappy and it was very easily sorted out in under 60 seconds but at the time it genuinely felt like the world ending. Hormones, lack of sleep and a whole new life to adjust to over night can make ya feel horrid..
I'm sure you're a fab mum... and please don't beat yourself up about needing a section.. my MW told me that the only plan a mother should aim for in labour is delivering a healthy baby - which you did perfectly!! Have you got someone who can give you a break and some extra support? Partner? Friend? Mother? Just someone to take bubs, feed them and care for them while you have long bath and some quality sleep.. things will look and feel better after a rest..
Oh and just to add the blissful wonderful happy glowing perfection that is portrayed in the media as being life immediately after birth is somewhat misleading IMO. I was sat there wondering when the blissfulness would start and it never did lol.. It was a messy, exhausting and fairly blurry time for me and OH. Not that we weren't amazingly happy because we have been ever since finding out I was pregnant... but it's not all smooth sailing like the movies paint it out to be haha...
Just saying that cos I found myself feeling inadequate in the beginning for not being able to cope with a baby and the housework and still look good and feel amazing... but truth be told NO ONE can... xx
I felt the same for quite a while. Firstly though, its normal for a baby to feed a LOT in the first few weeks/months. If youre feeding on demand, just stick with it with the normal formula and things will settle down
*hugs* It does get easier, I know it's cliched and it doesn't seem like it now but it will happen gradually I found the very early days really tough and as I look after children for a job was a bit shell-shocked by how out of control I felt. As far as the formula goes I wouldn't go for hungry baby at this point, just give her more frequent feeds of the one you're already using My DD is still on 3 hourly feeds (7oz) in the daytime at 4 months old. I didn't manage to ebf for long either (combi-fed until a couple of weeks ago) so I understand the guilt involved there but my DD is thriving on formula as i'm sure yours is too
You feel like I felt - my baby has a tongue tie too and couldn;t latch on - I was expressing and topping up with formula - but that didn;t work for me as I got obsessed with expressing and wasn;t spending enough time with LO so I've stopped. Your LO sounds like mine re the amount of food and I thought that was normal - Alexander is 3 weeks 5 days old now and is only just starting to go 4 hrs between feeds - he has 100-120mls at each feed. previously he would have maybe 60ml - can;t remember in oz what it is - maybe 2 oz yes I think it is 30 ml is 1oz - every 2 hours. It varies as well depending on the times of the day. I have to say I think this weekend was the turning point for me - when he was 3 wks old - don;t get me wrong it;s still hard but I don;t feel quite as clueless as I did. You are not a bad mother - the fact that you are worried shows how much you care - you will learn it's just trial and error - sometimes my baby will cry and cry and I change him, feed him, cuddle him, rock him give hima dummy and nothing works and then he will just drop to sleep - we will all get the hang of it. The first 2 wks I felt like I had been hit by a sledge hammer and the house was a mess as this baby was literally taking up every second but slowly you get into some sort of routine - different every day mind- that sort of works for you - either that or you learn to work around the baby
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