Good or Bad trying to understand - Page 2

_jellybean_ · Apr 3rd, 2012, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oneway

Quote:

Originally Posted by _jellybean_

Quote:

Originally Posted by oneway

Quote:

Originally Posted by NB1983

I'd say a terrible birth would be loooooong, excessive/unmanagable pain, rubbish hospital/midwives, severe tearing/stitches leading to long-term complications for mother.

Check. All of the above. 4th degree tear. I still think about my labor and the many ways it could have been better. I usually feel sad and or angry when I recollect what happened. Please see this post where I wrote about my experience. I recently met up with a friend I only know slightly and she had a baby in February. She went on and on about her labor and how bad it was and this was after I told her about mine. She had a normal delivery and no stitches. I am not trying to discount her suffering but some sensitivity would be nice. Especially after hearing how I continue to suffer from the delivery. Needless to say she will remain an acquaintance not a friend.

She should be more sensitive. I feel so bad for ladies who have tears. To me, that seems like the pain from that would be so much worse than a c-section (which I had). I have also read about women having issues down below well after the birth from tearing. It's really the worst physical thing that I can imagine, and I'm disabled and have a ton of health issues. You said you still suffer from the delivery. Do you mean physically?

Thanks Jellybean

. I continue to have incontinence issues related to gas. The surgeon who sewed up the 4th degree tear told me to wait six months to see if the issue will resolve itself. If not she will refer to me a center that specializes in treating incontinence related to birth trauma. She also told me that the stress of future labors could make everything down below worse. So I plan on having a scheduled C the next time round.

Wow. I can't even imagine! My section wasn't terrible. I can't imagine having a tear like that.

ahcigar1 · Apr 3rd, 2012, 10:09 AM

For reference as to how tramatizing my experience was here is my full story in detail. I typed it up yesterday to help get it out and see if putting it down would help me heal just a bit.

http://www.babyandbump.com/postnatal...-my-story.html

ahcigar1 · Apr 3rd, 2012, 10:12 AM

Oneway: That type of tear would be horrible. I hope your issues do resolve on thier own in time.

oneway · Apr 3rd, 2012, 15:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahcigar1

For reference as to how tramatizing my experience was here is my full story in detail. I typed it up yesterday to help get it out and see if putting it down would help me heal just a bit.

http://www.babyandbump.com/postnatal...-my-story.html

Oh you poor, poor thing! I just read your story. It must have been agonizing not able to hold your LO for so long! I can't imagine how it felt. After my LO was born I saw him for about a minute, they put him on my chest and took pictures and then I was taken to the operating theater where they stitched me up for an hour and a half. After that was done I was wheeled into a room where I finally got to see and hold LO. I could not see him for a bit because my eyes were so blurred with tears. If I could not hold him for over 24 hours I would go mental. It must have been SO hard for you!

I can understand how upset you must feel even now. I think it will take you a while to feel better. And as for people that are not sympathetic, just don't hang out with them just now. That helps a lot. Surround yourself with people who are sympathetic and who you can talk to. Talking over and over again is what helped me get over the worst. Big hugs to you!

Parker_Podge · Apr 3rd, 2012, 15:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NB1983

Thanks Jellybean

. I continue to have incontinence issues related to gas. The surgeon who sewed up the 4th degree tear told me to wait six months to see if the issue will resolve itself. If not she will refer to me a center that specializes in treating incontinence related to birth trauma. She also told me that the stress of future labors could make everything down below worse. So I plan on having a scheduled C the next time round.

What you just said is my worst fear. I, too, had a 4th degree tear

This is my story, straight from my parenting journal....
I was due on March 9th to have a baby girl named Kylee Brooke. Due to high blood pressure in the latter weeks of pregnancy, doc decided to induce me with my permission. I went into the hospital Sunday evening and was induced Monday morning at 4am. They broke my water later that morning and things seemed to be going swell! At 4cm dilation, doc decided to remove my external monitor and place an internal monitor in it's place because DD was too squirmy and kept going off the radar. I already had my epidural drip at this point, and was quite content (I had another form of pain relief earlier, but it made me terribly sleepy & only helped in the slightest for only 30 minutes maximum). Things started going down hill when a few hours later I had not dilated past 4cm around 1pm. Doc said that she would come back in around 5 or 5:30 to check my progress again.

Right before Doc came back in, the nurses checked me so that Doc wouldn't have to when she came in. The nurses gave us the news that we were really not hoping for. I was STILL dilated to 4cm.

This meant that a C-Section was very near for our future, as Doc said that if I hadn't made any progress, that would be our option.... I was quite upset at the thought of this, so our families gave us some time to ourselves to deal with that possibility before coming back into the room to spend time with us. I was so torn up that things were not going the way I had hoped that our family was outside for nearly an hour while I weeped. We tried asking the nurse about future pregnancies & sections....I asked what would happen with a 2nd labor and she said that if I had a section this time, that I would have to have a section every time after it. So I began to panic slightly as I am sure that your body can only take a section surgery so many times, so i asked how many sections a woman could logically have (aka, how many kids could we have....) and she never gave me a direct answer, which led me into another frenzy.

Miraculously, when Doc came in 30-45 minutes later I had dilated to a 6!

Yay for progress! We were hoping that this jump would get things rolling, but sadly it was still a long wait for that 10cm that I needed. I got to 10cm at around 10pm and even though

still had 2 inches to drop, Doc felt good and thought I should start pushing.

I was set up in the bed with the stirrups and all and was still not nervous, thankfully. Just SO ready for my

to be here! I pushed a few times and I hear the nurse say, "Look at that head full of dark hair!! DH, wanna come see it?" ((Side note, DH and I had discussed specifically that he would NOT go down there and peak, as I was afraid that his viewpoint might change afterwards....)) DH's face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning, he said yes and practically ran down there to look

After an hour of very intense pushing, Doc gave me the choice of laboring down due to her needing to deliver a set of twins immediately or having the male laborist come in so that I didn't have to stop pushing...I went with labor down since I am most comfortable with my Doc and honestly needed a bit of a break anyways. After what felt like 2 hours of agony, I told DH to call the nurse as I was in too much pain and might as well start pushing again instead of waiting. DH called and amazingly they had just got done delivering the twins, so my Doc was back....Oh, and I was only in agony for like 20-30 minutes, NOT 2 hours...

After pushing for almost another hour, Doc said that we could use the forceps to help her get past my pelvic bone, as she wasn't getting past it due to being stuck, so I immediately said yes. I got prepared to push like my life depended on it as I knew that with those last pushes, my baby girl would be here. I did and she came out safe and sound and a good, healthy, chunky 8lbs 8oz and 21inches long!!

Kylee Brooke was born at 12:42am on Tuesday morning, and due to her having fluid in her lungs, which DH noticed and was the one to notify the nurses..., I didin't even get to hold her until 5am after the nursery was done doing everything that they needed to. I was in pieces about it because I only got to see her for less than a minute before they took her off, so our families & DH saw her for a very long time since they could see her the entire time she was in the nursery (DH was actually IN the nursery with her for about 40minutes).

Although my labor could have been much worse, I am still very traumatized. I feel like I may even be depressed because of it & I know that I have not properly bonded with my angel because of it

Its so bad for me currently, that even the casual mention of baby #2 puts me into a tailspin of emotion that inevitably ends in a terrible emotional wreck. I have always dreamed of having 4 children, but this labor has put me off almost completely. I feel like such a failure as a woman because I know that more women have had much worse experiences than mine and have coped extremely well with it.

So glad to know that I'm not the only one having a rough time coping

amjon · Apr 3rd, 2012, 21:19 PM

I wouldn't call my daughter's birth horrible or traumatic (other than the fact she was already dead). I actually found it quite peaceful and not nearly as painful as expected. She was breech, which made it slightly more difficult, but nothing horrible. (Plus I had no tearing at all, so I was really glad about that.) The nurse even commented on how calm, yet involved I was.

ahcigar1 · Apr 3rd, 2012, 21:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amjon

I wouldn't call my daughter's birth horrible or traumatic (other than the fact she was already dead). I actually found it quite peaceful and not nearly as painful as expected. She was breech, which made it slightly more difficult, but nothing horrible. (Plus I had no tearing at all, so I was really glad about that.) The nurse even commented on how calm, yet involved I was.

That must have been horrible. I don't think I would ever have been able to handle something like that. Huge

to you.

deafgal · Apr 3rd, 2012, 22:08 PM

I had a tear (and stitches) not sure what degree it is, but for some reasons I can't remember the pain of it even though I did not have epidural. I lost bladder control for a long time.

deafgal · Apr 3rd, 2012, 22:18 PM

I am sorry for your loss.

deafgal · Apr 3rd, 2012, 22:24 PM

Only they know what is difficult for them. It is their experience. If they feel it was horrible, it probably was. Who knows? if you gave birth again, and it was the same as theirs, you would probably find it difficult too. Even though you had a traumatic birth before.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahcigar1

Does anyone ever get tired of hearing from others how terrible thier birth experience was. Then when you hear their story it doesn't ound bad at all? I have a friend that I was talking to who told me that her experience was horrible. Then when I asked her why she said because it was painful and she had to push for an hour

I asked her if there was anything else. Kept waiting for her to tell me something that would deem it to be traumatic. But nope that was her reasoning of why her experience was sooo horrible. It just gets frustrating when I here others tell me their stories, and they aren't tramatic at all. Birth is painful and it does take several hours. What do they expect? She didn't have any tear, no complications, nothing. I get this same type of story from all my co workers as well and it just baffles me. I don't know maybe because my experience truelly was horrible and terrfiying that I hold a much higher stander for what is a terrible, horrible, tramatic birth experience. What do you all classify as tramatic or horrible? Is it something that is significant or is it just the simple fact that it took several hours and was painful?

I'm not trying to upset anyone, more of just a vent for myself. I guess just trying to figure it out. I still struggle with my experience and I really doubt that I will ever fully recover from it.

I feel completely gypt. And I get very jealous whenever I hear someone who gets what I see as a great experience. I would have even taken a little tear if it would have allowed me to hold my LO right away. And to even have a labor experience period.

I have tried looking for someone to talk to about my experience to get help get it off my chest to see if it would help, but I can't even seem to find that in my area. I work and everything always has to be middle of the day during working hours. Its almost as if everyone thinks that moms don't work.

Apr 3rd, 2012, 10:09 AM	#12
ahcigar1 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: California Posts: 5,680	For reference as to how tramatizing my experience was here is my full story in detail. I typed it up yesterday to help get it out and see if putting it down would help me heal just a bit. http://www.babyandbump.com/postnatal...-my-story.html

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Apr 3rd, 2012, 10:12 AM	#13
ahcigar1 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: California Posts: 5,680	Oneway: That type of tear would be horrible. I hope your issues do resolve on thier own in time.

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Apr 3rd, 2012, 21:19 PM	#16
amjon Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: United States Posts: 5,836	I wouldn't call my daughter's birth horrible or traumatic (other than the fact she was already dead). I actually found it quite peaceful and not nearly as painful as expected. She was breech, which made it slightly more difficult, but nothing horrible. (Plus I had no tearing at all, so I was really glad about that.) The nurse even commented on how calm, yet involved I was.

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Apr 3rd, 2012, 22:08 PM	#18
deafgal Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: U.S. Posts: 1,984	I had a tear (and stitches) not sure what degree it is, but for some reasons I can't remember the pain of it even though I did not have epidural. I lost bladder control for a long time.

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Apr 3rd, 2012, 22:18 PM	#19
deafgal Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: U.S. Posts: 1,984	I am sorry for your loss.

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