I've been struggling with this for quite some time and thought that maybe if I got my full story out there it would help me just a bit.

I went into the hospital on Sat evening, due to some light spotting that wanted to get checked. Put me on the monitors and after an hour LO's heartrate dropped to 60. Nurse came rushing in had me rotate and got the heartbeat back up. Gave me a shot to stop my contractions, which they were rating as just BH contractions because there was no pattern to them. About 30 min later I ended up getting lightheaded felt very hot and passed out while laying on the bed. Hubby noticed this and called the nurse back in. It took them several minutes to wake me back up. After this they phoned my doctor who was on call again and asked what should do. Told them to book me for the night and would make the decision in the morning, but I was to be monitored all night.

So they transfered me to a LDR room and while hubby slept on a chair I stayed awake all night just watching my contractions on the monitors and listening to LO's heartbeat. While I wasn't really feeling the contractions I was noticing that they were very abnormal. Most of them lasting for 5 minutes before they would subside for only a minute or two then going for another 5 minutes. I wasn't in any discomfort but it was rather odd.

At about 330am I had finally begun to fall asleep a bit when several nurses came rushing into my room. LO's heartbeat had dropped to 60 again but this time it took them several minutes to get it back up once again because of my 5 minute long contractions. So they gave me another shot to stop them. And after that I couldn't go to sleep again because I was so worried about my LO and I just watched the numbers of her heartbeats and the clock till morning.

My doctor came in at 10am and told me that due to the dropping heartrates, my passing out, was dialated to 1 and 90% thinned, and my general discomfort, and I was 39 weeks anyway that she was going to go ahead and induce me. She wasn't going to start me on pitocin but insert a filopian tube to help me dialate which would hopefully jumpstart my labor.

So she left the room for a moment and came back at 1015am. She gave me some pain medicine through my IV that I was given because of my passing out. The pain medicine I didn't respond to at all. I immediately had trouble breathing and was having trouble keeping consiousness so they put me on oxygen right away. She inserted the filopian tube and due to my reaction to the pain medication gave me something else that would counteract and stop the reaction. It only took me about 2 min to be hit hard with severe pain in my back and belly that I hope to never feel again. It was crippling. I couldn't talk, move or think straight. I couldn't see, I couldn't respond. I literally was crippled in pain. My doctor and the nurses aunt and hubby were all trying to figure out what was wrong, because when they looked at the monitors they weren't seeing that I was having a contraction. They were trying to move me in different positions, apply pressure to my back. Finally when my doctor asked me on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad the pain was I managed to barely mumble out 12.

At some point a contraction came on. I didn't even know when it started or when it ended I was already in pain beyond belief. But suddenly I had nurses and my doctor surrounding me moving the monitor around moving me from side to side trying to get LO's heartrate back up. The doctor put some gloves on again and quickly removed the filopean tube and the babies heartrate went back up and my pain started to subside.

When I was finally able to breathe again and the pain was completely gone only about 5 min later, my doctor told me that since the babies heartrate has dropped for a third time that I would be going in for a c-section. They had me sign the papers and rushed me into surgery.

And at exactly 1130am LO was born. I got to see her for the first time at 1135 wrapped up in her blanket before they took her to the nursery to see if they could get her breathing rate down to a normal rate. As she left I told hubby to stay with her, to not worry about me, that he wasn't to leave her side wherever she went. He did as I said. They finished up with me, and took me to the recovery room. They had let me go off my oxygen when I got there which I was thankful for cause the mask was pretty uncomfortable. But only 5 min later that I did so alarms started going off on every monitor. My oxygen levels dropped again and ended up passing out. The nurse woke me back up and told me needed to breathe deeply or she would have to put my mask back on. I told her that I would. Which I did start what I thought was deep breathing but only a minute later the alarms went off again and I had passed out. This time it took several people to wake me back up. They had no choice but to put my oxygen back on.

My aunt who was standing outside the nursery window looking at LO got hubbies attention to come out for a moment. She told him to go check up on how I was doing because no one had any news on me yet. he told her that he got told he wasn't allowed to leave LO. She told him she would watch LO so he could go check on me, so he agreed. He came into the recovery area and told me only a little bit of an update with LO. And told me the same as the nurse had kept telling me, that she would come to me in a very short while. That is all I kept hearing, a short while, a short while. Then he went back to LO in the nursery.

Before I left the recovery room 2 hours later, and still without my LO, I asked the nurse to call up there to get an update. She told me that they were taking my LO to the NICU because they still hadn't gotten her breathing under control and she had fluid in her lungs and a slight infection. I was worried before this but I was terrified at that moment. I spend 2 hours in the recovery room before they took me up to my room. They tried taking me off my oxygen at this point but very quickly my levels dropped once again so I was forced to be on it for 2 days before my levels stayed at a normal level without it.

When they transfered LO up to NICU I was in my room and I had to beg them to let me see my baby before they took her. I had only gotten a very fast glance in the operating room for a total of about 30 seconds. I hadn't even been able to touch her yet. It took quite a fight to have them bring her to me on her way up to NICU but they finally obliged. She came in hooked up to wires and monitors. I got to give her a kiss and she got whisked away. My aunt stayed with me while hubby went with LO to NICU. This is when I broke down. I felt totally helpless and lost and lonely without my LO.

I heard the rooms next to me with crying babies and I hadn't even spent 5 min with my LO yet. At about 5pm hubby came back down to my room and my aunt went home. He told me that LO had to have an x ray done of her chest a ultra sound done and on oxygen. And when I asked him if her breathing was anywhere close to normal he said that basically he was hyperventilating type of breathing rate. This scared me. At around 7pm they brought us a congratulatory meal with sparkling cider and all. We didn't feel like celebrating much because we didn't have our LO in the room with us to celebrate. Instead she was a floor above us hooked up to monitors and all alone with no one to cuddle her.

I wasn't stable enough to go see her until the next evening. So on Monday evening at about 6pm I got to finally go up to see my LO. I was so excited to finally see her and touch her and hopefully hold her finally. Hubby wheeled me up. and the nurse took us to where our LO was. She had wires all over her, IV's pumping fluids into her since she still couldn't eat, She had a large oxygen tank over her head and was sound asleep. I gently and quietly took a hold of her little hand and started stroking her little fingers. Very quickly a nurse came up to me and told me that it was much better to just look and not touch so she could get her rest. I was devastated. It was now over a day later and I still hadn't been able to really touch or let alone hold my LO. In tears I asked hubby to take me back to the room.

The next afternoon at about 2pm the nurses got a call that LO was off her oxygen and if I wanted to come up and see LO that I could. I was so excited but nervous at this point. Finally after so long I got to hold LO and love on her.

I had a similar post-birth story (okay, birth altho emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia, but I was relieved that myself and LO were okay);

He was sent to NICU because I had to be on drips/magnesium sulfate for 24 hours in high dependency room with a useless nurse. I had held him only for a few minutes after he was born as have carpal tunnel in my hands and the swelling was so bad, I thought I would drop him -- my husband sat next to me, holding the baby -- I thought I had wet myself, so didn't mention moisture to anybody for about half an hour, when I put my hand down to check, my gown was covered in blood -- one of my clamps had come loose and my husband and baby were kicked out of recovery and they surrounded me, but I was in this surreal calm place (no, no -- didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel! Just relaxed from baby being out and safe) -- they resolved the bleeding, baby and OH came back in and they noticed baby was breathing wetly (it is normal in c-section, so may have the same thing as your LO) and he was brought to NICU and put on a C-PAK. I was wheeled into my high dependency room, but was lucky that all of the mums there were high dependency (and had own room) so no babies around.

I slept okay that night -- honestly -- just relieved about LO and the next morning, asked to see him -- I was told that due to my drip, I couldn't -- okay, so I asked for an estimated time to go see him and promised 6pm; well, 6pm came and went and they said maybe tomorrow -- why? I was supposed to have continuous magnesium sulfate and the nurse had messed up the medication, so I had to wait another few hours, and it was decided that it was better to see LO the next day - (she also forgot to feed me and lost my notes for a time) -- at that stage, I began pulling the wires out and started to get out of bed; in retrospect, it was quite funny -- I told them that I was going to call the police (my husband had gone home to get a few hours sleep) if I couldn't go see my LO then! Suddenly, a wheelchair was found and two nurses accompanied me (one with the IV, etc.) and we went to see LO -- he only had the C-PAK and a feeding tube in his nose, so not lots of wires, but I started crying -- I know it wasn't my fault for the pre-eclampsia and I was 24 hours + c-section, but....The nurse in the NICU said I couldn't take the baby out to hold and I asked to see the doctor, 'oh, they've gone home and (she) didn't want to bother the on-call doctor' -- again, I threatened to call the police -- if there was a valid reason not to hold LO fair enough, but not if it was just because it was inconvenient -- again and suddenly, I was holding my LO in my arms and I stayed there with him for an hour. It also broke my heart to think of my LO all alone and I had a few good cries....

I was wheeled back down to my room and the night head nurse/midwife came in and said that she hoped I was satisfied, but I couldn't tell whether she was being sarcastic or not -- I said I was. I also outlined how the previous nurse had forgotten to feed me, messed up my medication and had delayed me seeing my LO -- THAT's why I had gotten so stroppy -- she immediately apologised and said that made perfect sense and she had been told that I HAD seen him earlier that day -- the nurse had LIED to her! I slept pretty good that night and then.......

The head of the hospital came to see me the next morning (a Sunday) and again, apologised -- I was moved out of high dependency and into a private room (health insurance) and recovered, albeit slowly. My LO stayed in NICU for 13 days -- only the first two on the machine, after that to help me recover and then, because he was a lazy sod who fed erratically (turned out he needed the next size teat, once we did that -- he was out the next day).

Would I go back to the same hospital? Absolutely -- I think the care I received during my pregnancy was excellent, the high blood pressure was monitored and the minute it had developed into pre-eclampsia (I had been seen 2 days before and it was 'ok'), I was having the c-section. My LO was treated well, and aside from the grumbles above, a 90% positive experience.

I didn't mean to hi-jack your thread! However, it might reassure you to know us NICU mommies all go through a lot of trauma BUT it looks like your LO is a bright, cheerful baby (the picture I love!) and we must be doing something right!

best wishes

Thank you SabrinaKat. Your story does seem very familiar. Maybe I should have been a bit more demanding than you about seeing my LO. But I have always just been one who figures doctor knows best. They did take good care of her. I just didn't like the fact that I couldn't even touch her when I was finally able to see her. And I was given limited time when I did go to see her. Because she had to have her 'rest'. So basically I got to feed her her bottle and when she fell asleep right after then they told me I had to put her back into her bed so she could sleep and rest comfortably. If it were my choice I would have been with her all day and night holding her minus the times that I had to pump. That is a big part of what I didn't like. Also to the fact that for the 2 weeks prior to going into the hospital that night I knew something was wrong. My body was struggling with the pregnancy, and even though my blood pressure was showing to be normal, I have high suspisions that I had preeclampsia. I was swollen to an amount that is almost unbelievable. My feet even had folds in them from all the fluid build up. My ankles were as large as my thighs. There was no deffinition from my face to neck to shoulders anymore. The only 'shoes' that I could barely wear were 2XL mens slip on slippers that I would have gotten larger if they had made them larger. Even the nurses when they saw me couldn't believe the amount of swelling that I had. They had to strap on special compression sack things onto my legs to try to get rid of some of the swelling. They had never seen anything like it before. My skin was burning from all the stretching in was going under so quickly. And still 5 months later I'm still waiting for all the fluid buildup to subside.

In all honesty I'm happy that it is all over now, but sad to know as well that I will never get another chance to have a better experience because how poorly my body hadled it all.

It definitely sounds like pre-eclampsia to me, especially the swelling in your face/eyes -- that's what alerted me to check my blood pressure at home and for the first time (wk32), it was HIGH -- ran (ok/waddled) to the GP and I was very carefully monitored for the next three weeks (36wk+1) and my care from my ob/gyn, the blood pressure clinic midwife/nurse and overall, were fantastic -- they listened to me, they cared about me and made damned sure I was healthy and LO arrived (as above).

I probably won't have another (am 44), so am grateful that the majority of medical personal were fantastic -- but would I do it again? I'd rather take a good year to recover and am not sure whether my body could handle it again (but up until wk32, everything in the pregnancy was good/normal/routine), but I AM sorry that you were treated so badly throughout -- mine was more one incompetent person and bureaucracy than an overall crappiness, if that makes sense....

best wishes

I'm so sorry that you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. Those first minutes, hours, days are so precious and we mourn for what we lost out on understandably. I am the same hun as I missed out on the first precious hours so I can understand how you feel x

Glad you shared your story. I didn't get to hold or see my lo for awhile either & it still hurts to think about it. Sorry to hear that you sill have fluid build up. I swelled up bad as well but perhaps you had it a little worse than me. Has the dr. given you anything for it? I'm glad that your lo is healthy.

Hopefully we'll have better experiences next time...