my OH horrible excuse for why he doesnt help me at all with LO
feeling really down. at first OH was helping me a lot with the baby, but he went back to work(he is a waiter btw) he is part time employee. I am home with the baby 24/7 and he wont even let me get a break from her. he complains about getting up once during the night and a lot of times will wake me up when its supposed to be his turn. then he comes home from work and plays video games doesnt even pay attention to our baby and she cries when he holds her she doesnt like him too much because he ignores her when she wants his attention. he says basically because i dont have a job I dont need to sleep that much and he absolutely needs 8+ hours a night, I have been running on 3 hours of sleep every day for past week. I have a reaally hard time falling asleep and every noise LO makes wakes me up.
Am I being stupid or is this totally unfair that he doesnt help me just because he has a job. I eat like 1x a day cause im tired I shower like every 3 days when my mom will watch the baby for 30 min, i look like iver been hit by a bus i have horrible bags under my eyes and if i even wake him up he yells saying how "now i cant go to work cause i havent slept" after hes already slept like 8 hours.
He is being totally unfair, my DH does a full time job as a teacher, leaves at 7.00 in the morning gets back 6pm and will have paper work to do at home. He looks after her every night for 15 minutes so I can have a bath. I do nights since I breast feed but if I ask for help he gives it without complaint. It isnt fair for him to expect you to do it all and its sounds as if he is missing out on important bonding. Your both parents so he should help out. I am suprised he expects 8 hrs now he is a father, maybe have a firm talk to him and make a list of what you do at home, I dont think men always realise what we do do I am mean and would be giving him a nudge when baby wakes up and then just say you dont know what you mean when he wakes up and asks why you woke him up. My DH is awful with waking up in the night he sleeps really deeply but he will make an effort. Could he give you some time in the day to sleep so you feel better and make it a rule he has to spend time with LO not game console. Hope it gets better for you
My OH exactly the same I hoped he would change but he hasn't. he says he needs the sleep because of work...thing is I'm self employed so I still work too, but he says it's easy for me as I'm my own boss I can choose when to work. Doesn't mean I'm not knackered though! Urghh men. Could live without em!!
You are OK to put the baby down for a shower or a quick lunch sweetheart. You need a break now and then, and this will benefit the baby in the long run I think. Rested, relaxed mum out of the shower is much better than a mum feeling stressed she cant shower or eat.
About your OH. I would have my mum watch the baby while I sit down and have a chat about this with my OH. Maybe make a plan that he takes her for an hour walk when he gets back from work to give you some time?
I personally have a low tolerance for men who pulls crap like that. Grown men choosing games over their families is a no go. I would start by really make it clear that if it continues, I would be out the door and than he can enjoy his stupid games full time.
If he improves after the chat, fantastic. If not, I would really consider finding someone who respects you (and baby) enough to help you and share the responsibility over the baby.
He doesn't sound very supportive. My DH will probably be the opposite. I think we'll have to fight over who gets the baby. LOL He says he wants to get up every time the baby cries at night and bring him to me to feed. Even if you DH works, he should still be able to watch the baby some at night so that you have some time to yourself.
you don;t have a job???? last time I checked this was the hardest job I have ever done - You need to try and get your head together and be rational - hard when you are exhausted I know - but you need to tell him exactly what you do! He is part time as well not even full time. Whilst I agree that the person staying at home should do more you need a break and if he is playing on his computer that is out of order. You're surviving on little sleep - that's a sacrifice you both decided to make - so he should be pulling his weight to.
Not that you should let him off but do you ahve any other support who could give you a couple of hours off?
By the way about the shower - I pull my baby's crib up to the door of the bathroom and leave the door open - I put his mobile on if he's awake - it amuses him it doesn;t send him to sleep! and then I go in the shower. Can you get some ready meals which are easy to sort out? I also eat breakfast yoghurts which have granola with them - very quick and easy/ cereal bars as well - could your mum bring you a casserole or something?
Location: Richmond KY. Originally from Chicago IL.
hun you have the hardest job you will EVER have. I let my husband off the hook during the week for nighttime feedings because he has to be up so early and works long hours but when the weekend comes he is the #1 feeder!! He also spends atleast 30mins to an hour with the baby when he gets home each night so I can shower, or take a catnap, or whatever.He also makes bottles whenever we need them and is a great diaper changer. He also washes bottles and does laundry and he does the majority of the housework. The one thing he doesnt do is cook, but he will make me a sandwich or heat a can of soup if I ask him. I know its hard to take care of yourself, it took me a few weeks to make sure I was eating, and showering and taking time to breath. I know my husband gets frustrated at times when Sam is crying with him and the second I take him he is fine. But over time their bond will grow and that wont happen. And your husband needs to realize he needs to form a bond and make time for his wife and child. You also deserve 10 minutes to yourself. He gets time away from his job, why shouldnt you. At first I felt guilty, like does this mean I dont love him enough or want to be with him, but after talking to family and friends they assured me it is normal and necessary to want and to have 10 minutes to yourself once in a while. You didn't have your baby by yourself and you shouldn't have to take care of her by yourself.
Make a schedule you both can agree and live with and stick to it.
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