My LO is 5 days old and I feel utterly and completely useless, alone and anxious every single minute if the day. The guilt of feeling this way is eating me up and I feel like the worst mummy ever.
I think the birth has traumatised me for a start. It was supposed to be a relaxing water birth, which we tried to make it, but baby was back to back and the pain was unbearable. When she came out, everything went manic cause the midwife realised the cord had snapped and there was blood everywhere in the pool. Baby was rushed off and I had to wait for 6 hours to see her. She's ok now and we're home but she needs extra iron. I keep thinking about how horrible the experience was and feel kind of traumatised...
On top of that, I've literally had about 4 hours sleep in total over the last 5 days and just feel like I cant cope. LO feeds constantly through the night, she won't settle after her feeds and wants constant attention. People tell me to sleep during the day, which I've tried to do but it's so hard and I can only sleep when she's not fussing and someone can watch her.
All in all, I'm sitting here crying feeling so guilty for having these feelings and feeling like I want to run away..
I wanted this baby so much but how do I cope with these feelings?... x
When my LO arrived , I could have written this exact post! All I can say to you is that it will get better. She will soon settle and you will be able to catch up on your sleep. Do you have anyone around you who can give you a hand now and then? What about your OH? Maybe you can pump / prep formula, and have your OH feed the baby so you can sleep?
Once your baby settles, you will enjoy motherhood so much more, trust me. These guilty feelings are completely normal. Why don’t you speak with your health practitioner who will come and visit you and she will give you some comfort - they are really supportive and helpful.
Best of luck and please remember that this hormonal stage will pass. For the first few weeks, i started to flood up as soon as I thought back to the birth and now Im happy to share any gory details to anyone!
I felt the same way at 5 days PP.. It will pass and SOON!
And I second the pumping idea so someone else can feed her at night. I've been exclusively pumping milk for LO and it's been SUCH a godsend to have a huge stockpile of milk so my hubby can feed her at night.. or anytime really. I've only got to feed her once today! It's also really nice to be able to bring the bottles along when we go out and feed her in public with out needing to feel shy.
I know everyone will say this and you probably won't believe them but honestly IT WILL GET BETTER!
I had forceps delivery with a huge episiotomy (I never got to know the details of degrees or tears etc, it just hurt!) and I was BF so no-one could help me really. This, plus those lovely hormones and trying to look after a newborn was horrendous. I couldn't cope and cried nearly every day for 3 weeks! Then each day, I started to get a little better and do a few more things. She's 8 weeks now and we're just getting into our own little routine. Try getting out for some fresh air, even 10mins will do you both good and don't worry what you look like - you've just had a baby! Congratulations xx
Thank you everyone x we don't have family near by so we're kind of managing on our own. Mum has been over a couple of times to bring tea etc but there's no one any closer to help dvery day... I tried the pumping thing yesterday but couldn't manage. Midwife said I should try for longer so I'll give that a go later x
Personally, I wouldn't worry about pumping. The time you spend pumping is time that could be spent with LO or sleeping. I would just let baby feed from you, pass them to your OH and you get some sleep. That's all I did for 3 weeks! xx
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