4 weeks pregnant-hard to be excited after having lost my last baby
Hi im 4 weeks pregnant today,and was absolutley over the moon when i found out.i wanted this pregnancy so much! but last year in november i lost my little girl "Ruby" at 23 weeks.At our 20 week scan with her we were told that something was seriously wrong,i was told there was no amniotic fluid around and her kidneys appeared to be none functioning,because of these factors my babys chances of survival outside the womb were about 2%.Because her kidneys werent working,she wasnt urinating,which means there was no fluid,which then meant that her lungs wouldnt develope and grow without any fluid. i cant even begin to explain my devastion at this news!!
The options we were given were to carry on with the pregnancy and go to full term (even tho they said id most likely miscarrage if i carried on) or i could terminate.......after nearly 2 weeks of trying to decide what to do,we decided we would end the pregnancy.Hardest decision of my life! The way i see the justice in my decission was that i protected her by doing this! i knew she wasnt going to survive! i asked the doctors,if i do go full term "will she suffer when shes born" their response was "well,how would you feel if you couldnt breathe?" and thats what made up my mind really.i had the TFMR (termination for medical reasons) or as the docs call it "feticide" (i hate that word so much!) the 22nd of november 2011 and she was born the 25th of november 2011 weighing 1pound 2 ounces and now im blessed to have my own little angel in heaven and i know ill be with her up there one day! but......in the mean time ill just have to be patient.
So this is why im struggling to get excited with this pregnancy........im just so scared something will happen. i know worrying will only make it worse and that i should just try and relax but thats easier said than done
If any can share with me any advice or experience of a similar experience id be thankful. thankyou for reading.xxx
I lost my daughter at 26 weeks gestation.due to my developing acute pancreatitis (was the final straw in a long battle for her). I was given the choice for termination but i decided to continue, but sadly she grew her wings an hour after she was born. The worry you feel is perfectly natural after your loss and tbh i didn't stop fully worrying until the day Boo was in my arms. Until you hit that time of loss you will worry, but it does ease once it's past. All i can say is to try and relax, keep calm, think positive and don't panic .. I know easier said than done but just think in 9 months you'll have your little rainbow in your arms too
EDIT - Apologies for any typos, i think i've broken my thumb !
I had termination for medical reasons in 2010. Our baby girl had VACTERL Syndrome with Hyrocelphalus and her prognosis was very poor so we chose to let her go at 23 weeks. I am 100% at peace with the decision we made and I'm glad she did not suffer.
We were given a 10% chance of the same thing happening again, which are pretty good odds but it doesn't stop you worrying. However, I have been given extra scans and this baby I'm carrying is absolutely fine
Remember, what we have gone through is rare and it's even rarer for it to happen to the same person twice. There's no reason why you won't have a healthy baby this time. Good luck with your pregnancy
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