So last night i went out for a meal for a friends birthday and a friend of my friend came and sat by me,we'd never met before but got talking as i could see she was heavily pregnant.35 weeks to be exact.

We were having a nice chat and i decided to tell her i was also pregnant but keeping it hush.i thought i could tell her as we didnt know each other and we were both pregnant. She asked how many weeks pregnant i was and i replied 8 weeks,she then went on to talk to me about ms,indigestion and all the "unpleasentries" about pregnancy, so i told her "yes i know,ive already been there and done it.this is my second pregnancy,but i unfortunately lost my 1st tho" she looked at me for a split second with what i think was fear in her eyes and then continued to babble on about how hard being pregnant is and how she just wants it over with now,how she's had enough of it blah blah blah.
i just thought how rude! she could have said "oh im sorry to hear that" but instead she carried on talking about herself.
Later on in conversation she meantioned something about "wait till you get to 18 weeks and start feeling the baby move" ect ect. i replied "i know,its lovely isnt it,i got to 23 weeks with my little girl so i know how it feels".....again just blanked!
She then started showing me her scan pictures on her phone!

This woman was so insensitive and rude and i felt constantly patronised by her, she barely asked me anything about my pregnancy and completely didnt acknowledge the fact that id been pregnant before and knew what i was doing!
After an hour or so of sitting next to her i was almost in tears,i was getting so mad with her and her ramblings. we then got into a conversation about labour and i gave her a few tips from experience and spoke about pain relief. she told me how she didnt want any pain relief and how she thinks its wrong to not experience everything including all the pain......thats fair enough and her choice,but she then went on to talk about going through alll that pain and having a beautiful baby at the end of it, completely forgetting/ignoring what id been through! i went through all that pain too! and so so much more! grrrrrr! i just thought she was horribly insensitive!

Sorry about the rant,hope people can understand where im coming from, im just glad i never have to see that woman again!

Yuck! That was awful on her end!

Unfortunately, some people don't like hearing that death/termination/miscarriage is even possible and will do what they can to ignore hearing someone else mention it. I've run into those people, and I've finally just accepted that the only way someone can truly sympathize with those of us who're PAL is to have been there themselves.

Very insensitive of her, she obviously had her own fears and just purposefully and rudely blanked out anything she didn't want to hear. I do know people that do that but with other issues, you have to feel sad for them really (though I can imagine you feel angry and hurt!)

Thanks hun,your both very right,if she'd been earlier on in pregnancy i dont think i would have mentioned it,but because she was nearly there i thought she'd be alright with it,i know it scares some people to hear about it,but the way i feel is that why shouldnt i mention the fact that ive already had a baby,i want her to be acknowledged and talked about,it keeps her alive in my eyes.im sorry if it upsets or scares people when i say "ive had a loss" but its my loss,my child,my experience and im ok talking about it,some people almost act as tho its contagious and run a mile if you mention it,i dont care tho,ive got a daughter,she may not be part of this world but im still her mom and ill try and keep her memory alive,im not going to hide her away through fear of upsetting people if i talk about it.
I think she probably was scared and probably didnt know what to say or how to react to what id said, but comman sense and respect should have atleast made her more sensitive? i dunno......not the 1st or last time ill probably feel like this. x x

Nope... but if you need to rant, know that we've gone through it as well and we're here for you!

thanks very much and likewise.xx

I was 18 weeks when I lost mine so even though I'm past that 12 week point, I've had some people be all like "you're probably feeling a little more confident now, right?" Hell no I'm not. I won't be confident or comfortable until this baby is in my arms. I'm so paranoid of so many more little things that I wasn't before and some people just don't understand that. I've even denied a couple routine procedures from my midwife due to the paranoia.

This is why I don't tell people who don't already know. It's puts them in an awkward position - they either don't know what to say to you or they start asking questions which I don't want to answer.

Either way, I'd rather say nothing than explain my situation.

i know the feeling hun,im worrying so much more this time,even tho i know what happened with me is very unlikely to happen again im still very worried!

wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy xxx

It is hard, though -- when I was obviously pregnant with my LO, people would ask, 'is it your first?' and usually, I would answer 'yes', but sometimes, they would continue on with 'are you excited?' and then, I would say, 'well....yes, but I had an mc a few years ago, so we're excited and nervous', or something like that....

Personally, I would have gotten up and moved away from that woman; it is so rude when people are so self-centred!

best wishes