is this normal? i feel so guilty for being pregnant again,
i would like to share my story, in april 2010 i fell pregnant with fraternal twins, they were to be our 1st and 2nd bundles of joy,
at 17 weeks i found out our cherubs were one of each, i was being blessed with a girl and a boy! perfect (this was with babybond)
at 18 weeks i went for a routine nhs scan, my world came crashing down, our little boy had closed his eyes and gone to sleep. the panic came crashing down , everything went quiet n i started to hyperventilate, how could this happen he was fine last week!
all these wuestions zooming around my head, what would happen to his sister? what would happen to him??
i had to carry my prince along with his sister till delivery, and grace was born at 38 weeks, absolutely perfct in eevery way. alfie follwed, they never allowed me to see him but told me he was there ( i heard them tellin the students to have a look at him as you dont get the chance very often :O) i felt sick to the stomach.
now tho, i love my grace she is amazing but when i look at her i cnt help but feel sad wondering whether her brother would be doing the same things that she is doing.
my guilt comes in here, i am 14 weeks pregnant and i dnt want alfie to think i am replacing him, i cant stop crying because i feel guilty my body failed and alfie isnt here, i feel guilty for being excited about the new life growing inside me because alfie isnt here, but then i feel guilty for doubting and knowing that this baby will fell what im feeling
im also petrified cos there was no symptoms with alfie, he jus closed his eyes and went to sleep, im petrified of going to a scan and being told the same again
You're not replacing your son Alfie and I'm sure he knows that you will always love him no matter what. And your LO growing inside you knows that you love it too. PaL is a confusing thing sometimes and it is normal to feel anxiety and other mixed emotions.
I lost my DS' twin (I was only 8 weeks pregnant at the time) and while I miss that baby, on some of the tougher days of parenting I feel relieved that there is only one. Then I feel badly for thinking that. Or I'll be really happy with another milestone DS has reached and then wonder what the other would be doing or think "there should be two of them". And I could never have gotten pregnant with DS if I hadn't lost my first baby (I conceived relatively quickly after my first loss). So missing that baby makes me feel guilty for not appreciating DS. It goes on and on.
Congrats on your pregnancy. And I'm sorry for the loss of your son.
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