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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 22:19 PM   1
Babushka
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Is this favoring bio child over step child?


My partner has a 17 year old daughter from his previous marriage which ended a long time ago.

We are now expecting a baby of our own & I am considering buying this child a property (or more in time) which we can give to them on their 18th birthday.

This will be funded by me from family money (father left me a bit of property), I just want my child to have a good start in life and have an investment portfolio which will help them pay for their university fees & living expenses.

My partner thinks it's a great idea but says his daughter will be jealous. I don't want to put one child over the other but although his daughter & I are amicable, we are not close & her future isn't my responsibility.

So do you think by doing this it would be favouring one child over another? Please feel free to comment.



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Old Nov 17th, 2012, 00:22 AM   2
OmiOmen
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...her future isn't my responsibility...
Personally I think you have summed it up here. If it is coming from your money then it really has nothing to do with her. If it was coming from your partners money then I would say it is totally unfair but said it was from you and your family money and she is not your daughter or your responsibility. If she says something about it I would quickly point out that it is coming from your money and not his.



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Old Nov 17th, 2012, 15:56 PM   3
JenX
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Does the stepdaughter even need to know about it? If she would be jealous, would there be any harm in just not telling her?



 
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Old Nov 17th, 2012, 16:33 PM   4
NaturalMomma
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If it's in your family then I say go for it. Does this step daughter live with you?



 
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Old Nov 17th, 2012, 18:48 PM   5
alicecooper
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Honestly I would find it very difficult not to favour my own child over a step-child, especially as she isn't a girl that you have raised from being a young child or anything - she's 17 after all and I assume you two aren't THAT close (you say you're amicable - that doesn't suggest that you're close enough to feel maternal about her...)

If your husband wants to put some of his money aside for his daughter, fine, that's great, she's his responsibility - but she's not yours.

I have a step-mother and she CERTAINLY doesn't treat me as a daughter. She has a son of her own who is 10 years older than me, and whilst I am on reasonable terms with my step-mother now (there was a time when I wasn't), there's no way I would expect her to treat me the same way she treats her son.

On the other hand, my dad treats my step-bother the same, if not better, than he treats me. He has told me many times before that he sees me and my step-brother as both being his "children" (despite the fact that my step-brother was already 16 when my dad came into his life.) He considers my step-brother's kids to be more his grand-kids than mine, because he sees them more often. I can't tell you how much that hurts.

My advice - put your own child first.



 
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Old Nov 17th, 2012, 19:18 PM   6
lunar
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Hello, I'm speaking as a stepchild.

My dad and stepmom have been together since I was 2, and now at 20, my stepmom is my other mom. I adore her. It might depend on how long you and your husband have been together and how long his stepdaughter has been a part of your life, but some of the answers here have been hurtful from my POV...

My stepmom has -never- favored her "own" children over me. I love my brother and sisters. I can't say I'd personally find it "fair" but you've pretty much said she isn't yours or your responsibility -- so you've pretty much already decided it sounds like.



 
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Old Nov 17th, 2012, 19:44 PM   7
amytrisha
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Originally Posted by lunar View Post
Hello, I'm speaking as a stepchild.

My dad and stepmom have been together since I was 2, and now at 20, my stepmom is my other mom. I adore her. It might depend on how long you and your husband have been together and how long his stepdaughter has been a part of your life, but some of the answers here have been hurtful from my POV...

My stepmom has -never- favored her "own" children over me. I love my brother and sisters. I can't say I'd personally find it "fair" but you've pretty much said she isn't yours or your responsibility -- so you've pretty much already decided it sounds like.
Your stepmom has been in your life since you was a baby though, I don't think this is the case here.

My 'stepdad' (I call him dad) has been in my life since I was 3 - he is brilliant with me, absolutely spoils me and sees me as his daughter but I'm his only child.

I think that if your not close to her then she's definitely not your responsibility, fair enough your husband could do something for her but this is coming from your family money therefore you should do what you want with it. I think it's a brilliant idea setting your LO up a future



 
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Old Nov 18th, 2012, 04:38 AM   8
RKW
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Why not just buy the property and have it soley in your name, then you can avoid difficult conversations for a few years until your child needs the money.
I have step sisters, and my dad has helped them all buy houses, although he is not their dad. He gave me a lot more however, as it was a lot harder to get on the property market 3 years ago when I did vs 14 years ago when they did.
There was no resentment from them about that. My mum treats us all the same, but my dad always gives me a bit more than them, but then their dad gives them help too. So I think it evens up. X



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Old Nov 18th, 2012, 10:12 AM   9
dizz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amytrisha View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunar View Post
Hello, I'm speaking as a stepchild.

My dad and stepmom have been together since I was 2, and now at 20, my stepmom is my other mom. I adore her. It might depend on how long you and your husband have been together and how long his stepdaughter has been a part of your life, but some of the answers here have been hurtful from my POV...

My stepmom has -never- favored her "own" children over me. I love my brother and sisters. I can't say I'd personally find it "fair" but you've pretty much said she isn't yours or your responsibility -- so you've pretty much already decided it sounds like.
Your stepmom has been in your life since you was a baby though, I don't think this is the case here.

My 'stepdad' (I call him dad) has been in my life since I was 3 - he is brilliant with me, absolutely spoils me and sees me as his daughter but I'm his only child.

I think that if your not close to her then she's definitely not your responsibility, fair enough your husband could do something for her but this is coming from your family money therefore you should do what you want with it. I think it's a brilliant idea setting your LO up a future
I've been the step-child rejected by the step-father's family and viewed as (and charmingly referred to at one point by them) as "unnecessary baggage" in the past... the hurt from it never went away. While my "father" treated me as equal while married to my mother - the second the divorce came on the scene - all the resentment of being made to do so came out (and was charmingly copied in an email to me).

My mum then remarried again - and my current step father, despite him arriving on the scene when I must have been about 20 views us so much as his kids that HIS father commented that my daughter had "the X family chin" - he'd utterly forgotten we weren't genetically related to him as we're viewed as so much part of the family!

She's 17 years old - I possibly would give her some form of "token" gesture... deposit for a car, a course of driving lessons, couple of hundred quid for a fancy phone or whatever so she's not being completely left out, and then invest the rest for your child.



 
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Old Nov 18th, 2012, 13:27 PM   10
missmiylove
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I think the seventeen year old should get SOMETHING too.
maybe not property but like dizz said, helping her get a car or giving her some $ just a token that could help her out a little.
her future may not be your responsibility but you're MARRIED TO HER DAD! so I think you two should think about what you can do for her bc it does matter- the joys of having a step child. You shouldnt dismiss them because theyre not your responsibility from the beginning.



 
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