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Old
Jun 15th, 2009, 16:35 PM
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Anyone adopted or have an OH that was?



I just have a curious question. Was anyone adopted or was your OH adopted as a child? I am a bit concerned because my OH was adopted and my in laws aren't smart enough to know that they sometimes get looks from grandparents. My nephew looks like my dad for example. I have in laws that love to gossip (whether it be true or not) and I am scared that if LO doesn't look much like either of us, then my mother in law will start spreading her lips and saying that the child isn't his. It bothers me because in her eyes I can't do anything right. They tried to stop us from getting married because I have a genetic disorder called albinism. They tried to fill his head with lies like "she will not be able to hold down a decent job" and bs. I have a masters degree in CHEMISTRY and been working full time for three years! I just don't want them to have any reason to start mess between me and my OH. If she does, then they just won't get to see their grandchild. Am I wrong in my fears? They claim to be such Christians but the way they talk about other family members when they aren't around makes me real curious about what they say about me when I'm not there. She even wanted me to risk my baby's life in order to test if he inherited albinism (may I add, you can live a perfectly normal life with it, just not able to drive...no big loss in my eyes looking at all the crazies on the roads!). Any advice or any one facing a similar situation? I just feel so alone at the moment.

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Jun 15th, 2009, 17:31 PM
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Im adopted...my OH isn't though. Can't wait to see what our little one looks like! If they think your baby isn't his, tell them to stick it somewhere! how dare they! and your OH should defend you!

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Jun 15th, 2009, 18:01 PM
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That's the problem...my OH is too much of a "family pleaser" to stick up for me and would probably make my life hell...I don't know...

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Jun 16th, 2009, 06:13 AM
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I hope your son is the perfect mixture of the both of you and then you can really stick it to the inlaws. They sound like a nightmare and hubby should be sticking up for you particularly during this time. I think you should voice your concerns with hubby and the two of you can decide on the best way to deal with any negativity that may arrise. Try and let it sweep over you and just enjoy your time with your new baby. It's the two of you who matter and not what the inlaws think.

Just had to add that I bet you are absolutely beautiful and whether your son inherits albinism or not he will be too.

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Jun 16th, 2009, 06:45 AM
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Like everyone else has said, you need to talk to your OH and make sure you are both going to stand united if there is any rubbish from the inlaws, any fool should be able to realise that a child whose parent had been adopted stood a fair chance of not resembling them (my daughter looks rather like her paternal great aunt, her paternal grandmother was adopted!! and thats 2 generations down the line!!)
Your OH needs to realise he has his own family to please now and that WILL mean sometimes doing stuff he isnt totally happy about.
He married you despite their best efforts, so maybe we are judging him too harshly?

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Jun 16th, 2009, 10:00 AM
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I don't have as close an experience as this but a couple of friends of mine are adopted, they don't look much like eachother but they do look quite similar to their adopted parents - there is a school of thought that says mimicking facial expressions and nuances contributes to the overall resemblance of a person...

That aside, you do need to talk to OH - often when abies are born they strongly resemble the father too so that should shut up the in-laws (not that they have a right to say it) Do you think this could be their insecurity at not having a genetic connection to their son and the old fears are coming out??

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Jun 16th, 2009, 11:02 AM
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I'm adopted and look alot like my mum, and my son is the spitting image of me but still has looks of my mum..so probs not much help.

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Jun 16th, 2009, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by soon2b6 View Post
Like everyone else has said, you need to talk to your OH and make sure you are both going to stand united if there is any rubbish from the inlaws, any fool should be able to realise that a child whose parent had been adopted stood a fair chance of not resembling them (my daughter looks rather like her paternal great aunt, her paternal grandmother was adopted!! and thats 2 generations down the line!!)
Your OH needs to realise he has his own family to please now and that WILL mean sometimes doing stuff he isnt totally happy about.
He married you despite their best efforts, so maybe we are judging him too harshly?
The issue comes with lack of education. I have discussed my fears to him and let it be known to him that if they pull a stunt of that magnitude, then they will not see me or their grandchild. We both majored in biochemistry majors and know the odds of our child looking like either of us. The issue comes that she is so so prejudice and the "not knowning" is really wearing into me. I know I should be excited, but I pray that he didn't inherit albinism because as a child, I got picked on for it all the time and felt so alone but would take strives to make sure he lives a happy fulfilled childhood. If that involves me staying away from a set of grandparents...so be it...

His "mother" isn't alive so this mostly stems from his step mother. I want to be excited and maybe as time gets closer I will be. I do agree with some that they tend to look somewhat like their adoptive parents as I would have never known by looking at his dad and him that he was adopted!!!

I am worried only for my OH's sake as he is very sensitive and I don't want this exciting time to turn into one of turnoil. I have never gave a shit what people thought about me (a great quality my mom instilled in me) but am honest and faithful so don't feel the need to explain anything to them. My OH is the right opposite tho.

Thanks guys for all your opinions and advice xxx

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Jun 16th, 2009, 12:51 PM
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I was adopted at birth (born in america but live in Uk now) So im very excited to see what my little one will look like.My biological father was mexican lol and i cant say i have anything mexican looking about me.Im very intrigues to see what my little one will look like wether it will have my characteristics,the fathers or even a member from my biological family. xx

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Jun 16th, 2009, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by augustbaby09 View Post
I was adopted at birth (born in america but live in Uk now) So im very excited to see what my little one will look like.My biological father was mexican lol and i cant say i have anything mexican looking about me.Im very intrigues to see what my little one will look like wether it will have my characteristics,the fathers or even a member from my biological family. xx
That's my concern. MY step mother in law is so prejudice against anything but herself that she just runs off at the mouth all the time. You know what?? He is OUR baby and my decision is that if she can't accept him for him then she doesn't need to be in his life. I'm not putting my child that kind of hurt.

Gives us something to look forward to. I think my LO will have red hair because his daddy is a strawberry blond. Have to see .

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