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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 17:29 PM   1
mommy2be412
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Can't Spoil a Newborn


I've been hearing you can't spoil a newborn as far as picking them up every time they cry etc. But at what age do babies start to realize crying will get them held etc?



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 17:42 PM   2
Larkspur
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Not really sure... but what really would be the problem with them realising that if they cry they get held?

I mean, surely if the child is feeling insecure or upset or wants a cuddle or something and cries to get it... that's not a bad thing. Otherwise you are just teaching them to repress their emotions because mummy's too busy to make time for a cuddle.



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 17:47 PM   3
AJBliss
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I've never viewed crying to be held as a problem. It's totally normal for babies to need to be held, and they will communicate that however they can. I'm sure others may have different opinions on this, but I breed horses and would never intentionally keep a foal from its mother, barring some sort of emergency. It didn't sit right with me to treat a human baby differently, when they are born much less advanced than a horse. My LO loved being carried, so I used a wrap for her so I could still get things done, and switched to a sturdier carrier when she got bigger. I can totally appreciate that my approach wouldn't suit everyone, though.

Hmm just realized I didn't really answer your question. I don't have a clue, as I just picked her up every time, and now she can ask for a cuddle instead of crying for one. Had to have been somewhere between newborn and 18 months, lol.



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 18:03 PM   4
mommy2be412
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I'm not saying if a baby cries you shouldn't hold them etc, I'm just saying I've been doing research and going to classes and everything keeps saying a newborn can't be spoiled and I'm just wondering they age where a child starts to realize where spoiling is a real thing.



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 19:22 PM   5
Jingles23
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I think that if you meet a child's emotional needs, they won't feel the need to act out to get your attention. There is nothing wrong, ever, with showing love to your child. I don't think that holding your child is spoiling. Spoiling is giving them candy all the time or buying them everything they ask for. Hugging and kissing and holding them is not spoiling. My daughter has slept through the night since she was 8 months old but lately she has been waking up and calling for me (she's 23 months now). Even though I hate getting out of bed, I know she just needs a cuddle. Lots of things are changing and she needs a little extra mommy time right now. We have daycare kids and baby #2 is on the way. I think it's important to provide that comfort so that she knows she can come to me when she is uncertain or overwhelmed.
Um, didn't really answer your question. :P I also wear my daughter and find that when she is having a grumpy time she sometimes just needs a few minutes 'up' and then she is off playing again. One child that I babysit is almost 4 and I know his mom sometimes does the same. He can still go for "rides" on her back when he is overwhelmed. And it only takes a few minutes to calm him down.
I think the idea of "spoiling" your child by picking them up is old fashioned. If you look at any of the other cultures in the world, none of them leave their children alone to cry, ever. Most of them co-sleep and babywear.
Ok, sorry for the novel. Just something I'm learning a lot about since having my daughter. I'll be doing things much different with my next baby.



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 19:48 PM   6
NaturalMomma
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Never. Babies cry for a reason, and yes comfort aka being held, is a real reason. Some babies want to be held more than others, and I still comfort my 6 and 3 year olds, it's normal. Adults even need touch and comfort (many adults cuddle, etc). You won't make your babies spoiled as toddlers/older kids, or anything of the sort. All that hoopla is a myth (and yes, it's been studied). I always held my babies, never let them cry, and I have very independent kids. In fact, not more than 10 minutes ago they came up to me while doing dishes, said goodnight and went to bed (I didnt' even tell them to go to bed).



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 21:21 PM   7
mommy2be412
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I'm a first time mom-to-be I really appreciate the replies. I think you are right, holding a baby isn't spoiling (maybe I didn't take what I was hearing the right way) but buying them everything the ask for when they can, would be. I knew a child that had separation anxiety disorder from his parent and it was really bad (even the child near teenage years) couldn't even be alone downstairs by themselves while the parent went up to the bathroom. I know kids learn from a young age and I want my child to grow up to be a healthy, independent person but lots of love, hugs, kisses, and cuddles from mom will always be given. =)



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 22:08 PM   8
AlesiaNicole
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Not that I have any research to back it up (but I could probably find some) but I would think the seperation anxiety comes from when a child ISN'T taught they can rely on their parents for what they need. If they are regularly denied love, support, and just knowledge someone is there for them then the start to get anxieties surrounding their parents. I'm having a hard time getting this through to my DH too that yes a child can be independent and attached to a parent at the same time.



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 22:14 PM   9
mommy2be412
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That makes sense, I never thought of separation anxiety that way but your probably right.



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2013, 22:24 PM   10
Marini_Mare
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picking up baby as soon as they cry and co-sleeping etc make baby more independent later on, because they trust that you will be there for them if they need you. I did a lot of research before choosing to co-sleep etc only did it the first three months though, now baby sleeps next to my bed & I move her to my bed if I can't get her to stay asleep later in the morning she's still not that old, so we shall see! haha!



 
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