Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Mar 9th, 2013, 18:03 PM   1
FirstTimeDad9
Father to be
New BnB Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6

Need to rant.


Hi there, I'm new to this, however my OH has been on here a while, so I thought I'd have a little look around. My GF is 29 weeks gone, and I just wanted something to boost my knowledge a little about what to expect.
I was quite surprised to find so many mums-to-be complaining about their OH's etc.
Now, I have nothing but respect for every pregnant woman, I think it is amazing how you go through everything how you do, but I think men don't get an easy ride either, or the respect they deserve. I know it is the women who go through all of the aches and pains, cravings, the labour etc. but men are often forgotten about, and more often than not have a lot to deal with too.
I agree that there are some men out there who don't deserve respect, but a lot of the time men are kept out of the equation, as it is the woman who is carrying. The likes of post-natal depression, as I'm sure you're aware, is very common in men after birth, a lot more than is actually acknowledged.
For myself, my OH is fantastic, she makes me feel involved in everything, however when it comes to everyone else, I'm made to feel like my only purpose is the 'Bee whom pollenises the flower', so to speak. And this is the same with most men. A lot of women have mood swings throughout pregnancy, and constant changing of their minds, and it is the men who have to deal with the backlash of this, and say nothing.

Sorry about the long rant, I know what I'm saying doesn't cover everyone, and I have the upmost respect for all mums/mums-to-be. But this is just an observation I have made during my GF's pregnancy, and whilst looking on the forum, I'd just like to let women know that it is also hard at times for men, but we are always supporting you, for the fantastic things you guys deal with during pregnancy.
I would appreciate some feedback from mums/mums-to-be on this. And sorry again for the rant.



Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 9th, 2013, 18:20 PM   2
kneeswrites
Pregnant (Expecting)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Nashville, TN, USA
Posts: 1,328
Honestly and I'm sure plenty of women will hate me for it, I totally agree. I think there are a whole lot of females who are too high and mighty and have some gender superiority without realizing it, and when it comes to pregnancy society tends to think of it as something that doesn't involve the father at all. That said, I'm sure the times that women complain here about their men, they aren't referring to guys like you :P



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 9th, 2013, 19:07 PM   3
missjennakate
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,096
I'm still early days yet but I would hate my OH to feel this way. I agree it is a big thing for Dad's too and I don't like it when the Fathers are kept on the side line.

I am already appreciative of everything my OH is doing and I sure think of him as more than the man who planted the seed!! I love that he is paying such interest in every aspect of pregnancy, birth and parenting.

Although I do wish he could take away some of the pain that I am going to experience through pregnancy and birth but I really appreciate him holding my hand every step of the way.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 9th, 2013, 20:48 PM   4
mnonie
Other
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 411
To many dads get left out or feel like it's not their place to have a input when it comes to pregnancy and quite often after as well, it's not good for a relationship or really for a child . I think alot of people tend to see the women pregnant and forget about the dad, which is a real shame and needs addressing. Men go though such a big journey as well to be good dad and such get recognised for it.
Xx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 10th, 2013, 04:28 AM   5
Logan's Mum
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North East
Posts: 2,430
If you think its bad now in pregnancy, just wait til you get to Baby Club and parenting journals, all they seem to do is whinge on about their OHs. It does my head in as its disrespectful and arrogant, you may be the mother but that doesn't mean you are the best/more knowledgable carer.

Saying that, this is a private forum where some women just need to vent. There are also obvious differerences between mums and dads that would cause this opinion, namely hormonal. Women have a lot more to deal with physically and mentally. X



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 10th, 2013, 06:08 AM   6
Little Ducky
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Essex
Posts: 274
I can appreciate that not all blokes are as saintly, but my husband is out of this world amazing.
God knows where I'd be without him, and I can't imagine for one second that this pregnancy has been any easier for him than it has for me.
It hadn't crossed my mind to ask him about how he feels other people treat him in comparison to th
e way they treat me, but I'll definitely be asking him after reading this!



Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 11th, 2013, 18:43 PM   7
wristwatch24
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York State
Posts: 1,719
I totally agree with you. I see so much complaining here about OH/DH. Some of them deserve it, according to the stories, but it drives me insane that so many women think they know everything and it should be their way or the highway. It should be a give and take in a relationship and both should be working at it.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 12th, 2013, 03:24 AM   8
Amygdala
Pregnant (Expecting)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5,464
My DH is amazing, has been involved in every pregnancy and takes great care of our LO. I have no complaints about him at all!

However, a lot of men are still under the impression that having and raising babies is women's business and it is typically those men that get ranted about. I think it's bad enough that these situations are so common in this day and age but to then complain about the women concerned for complaining is a little ridiculous. Pregnancy is hard. Babies are hard. The last thing a woman with no support needs is some stranger whining about how she should respect her deadbeat man more.

I'd agree with you if we were talking about functioning supportive relationships in which the father is shut out for no reason. The fact is though that usually when you read these complaints they are about lack of help and ultimately about lack of respect from the father. This is a peer support forum and as sad as it is that so many women need to rant about their men, telling them to be grateful for what they have and "show respect" is not helpful.

Respect needs to be earned. Impregnating a woman does not automatically earn you anything (neither does being impregnated btw). Typically, if you pull your weight as a partner and as a father, your woman will be grateful to have you and respect you. If someone else doesn't and his woman rants about it, what is it to you?



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 12th, 2013, 07:50 AM   9
Paigeturner
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amygdala View Post
My DH is amazing, has been involved in every pregnancy and takes great care of our LO. I have no complaints about him at all!

However, a lot of men are still under the impression that having and raising babies is women's business and it is typically those men that get ranted about. I think it's bad enough that these situations are so common in this day and age but to then complain about the women concerned for complaining is a little ridiculous. Pregnancy is hard. Babies are hard. The last thing a woman with no support needs is some stranger whining about how she should respect her deadbeat man more.

I'd agree with you if we were talking about functioning supportive relationships in which the father is shut out for no reason. The fact is though that usually when you read these complaints they are about lack of help and ultimately about lack of respect from the father. This is a peer support forum and as sad as it is that so many women need to rant about their men, telling them to be grateful for what they have and "show respect" is not helpful.

Respect needs to be earned. Impregnating a woman does not automatically earn you anything (neither does being impregnated btw). Typically, if you pull your weight as a partner and as a father, your woman will be grateful to have you and respect you. If someone else doesn't and his woman rants about it, what is it to you?
I couldn't agree more ^^.

However I do add that if you are frustrated by the way some people are treating you, you do have every right to rant about that. I think you should be treated as just as much the parant not the sperm doner, because you seem to really care . Feel free to rant about that because I am sure you do not deserve it!



Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 12th, 2013, 10:21 AM   10
mnonie
Other
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 411
I'd actually like to tell you guys something, first time dad 9 is actually my OH. He is amazing, I agree that some dads can be worse then useless, but he just wanted to know how you guys felt about this, I'm pretty sure he meant no harm but he has the right to rant as well.

People tend to see me pregnant and forget about him - I couldn't do it without him. It does have something to do with him, he's a dad to be trying to understand granted they're not all like him but some are :/. Respect has to be earnt but that works both ways I tend to think.

I've a lovely mate who's GF is pregnant and due to people only seeing her process he actually feels useless and is starting to panic about after :/.

Tbh I'm a bit shocked at how few have responded to this thread, thank you to those people who have offered first time dad the support and ear to rant he needed . X



 
Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
rant

featured articles


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search






SEO by vBSEO