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Old Dec 26th, 2016, 10:59 AM   1
PhoenixCT
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Baby Shower Weirdness


So..I don't know what to do here..

Both my DH's and my families are very much not well off (our friends are also broke for the record, not into this stage of our lives, and live hours away). However both sets of parents seem to have a desire for a baby shower for me with extensive guest lists. The problem is that they can't afford to throw that shower, or have a place to throw it, it would need a hall. So the thought is they want me to fund it.

I don't really want a shower to begin with, and with the amount of money I'd be spending on a hall and food and decorations and cake to throw a shower I can really just buy my own gifts. Not to mention it just seems really weird to me and I'm not a big fan of crowds or being center of attention anyway.

So it really seems like a party for our families. I paid for my own wedding which was also pretty much a party for everyone else. I paid for my sister in law's shower. I host the holidays and pay for family get togethers. Honestly I'm just super fatigued of paying for parties that I don't really want to begin with, but I also don't want to be a jerk.

Am I a total ingrate for saying "thanks, but I think we'll skip the shower."?



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Old Dec 26th, 2016, 11:22 AM   2
Symphony7
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Um, not at all. If they were paying, fine...you would have to go. But no way should you have to pay for your own party that you don't even want.



 
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Old Dec 26th, 2016, 11:49 AM   3
PrettyInInk42
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No. Just do whatever will make you happy. This is your pregnancy, not theirs.



 
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Old Dec 26th, 2016, 12:26 PM   4
msbene
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Dont pay for what you dont want. Either they plan something that's within their collective budgets or they forget about it 😊



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Old Dec 26th, 2016, 12:28 PM   5
MKaykes
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I agree with other posters. Given the circumstances I would just decline the shower and just say you'd rather not. It sounds like even if they were to organize and fund the party you'd rather not. But, certainly not if you are responsible for funding the party.

If it caused family drama, I've been to a few showers now that are held at the mothers home, though hosted by a friend or family member. It is easier for mom to not have to transport the gifts this way. This would maybe eliminate the need to rent a hall (not sure what your space allows for) and just do a mid afternoon with light snacks to keep costs down. Maybe a family member could make cupcakes instead of having to purchase a cake.

Though still say you are in the right to decline if that is where your heart is.



 
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Old Dec 26th, 2016, 12:29 PM   6
Kiwiberry
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No way, if you don't want to party then you don't have to have one especially for a party that you have to fund. I realize poverty (yes I mean real poverty), I have been there myself. However if they really wanted to throw a party they could pitch in together and throw you one. It doesn't have to be super lavish or expensive, they could even throw it at someone's apartment or house. If you really wanted a baby shower or any party for that matter and didn't have family to set it up for you you could host it at your house and make it inexpensive. That's not the case though because you don't want a party so honestly just go with your gut mama.



 
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Old Dec 27th, 2016, 11:49 AM   7
FeistyMom
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I'm completely shocked that people would be sending you a guest list. That is not how this works - the MOM makes the guest list. The host then adds whoever they want.

I'd probably be so taken aback that I wouldn't have a good initial response, but if you have the opportunity, maybe saying something like this would help - 'thank you so much for thinking of me and the baby! However this pregnancy is pretty taxing, and we are not feeling up to hosting a shower. I really appreciate your thoughts and consideration though'. It is about as polite a way as I can think of to say 'eff off'. Which is probably what I would actually say in real life in the same situation (are you effing kidding me?!), because I lack some social graces. Especially when pregnant



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Old Dec 27th, 2016, 17:12 PM   8
mara16jade
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What? That's not how this works....that's not how any of this works.

If you want to decline, I absolutely don't blame you! The point is for *you* to be showered in love and gifts to celebrate the new baby....and give you some monetary help since babies can be expensive. There's no point to stress you out making you pay and basically plan your own baby shower. I'm sorry.



 
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Old Dec 27th, 2016, 18:28 PM   9
PhoenixCT
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Thanks everyone. Good to know I'm not being unreasonable.



 
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Old Jan 1st, 2017, 08:06 AM   10
2ducks
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Hello! You have a very interesting family dynamic! There are tons of affordable ways to host a shower. Ask for someone to donate their living room and have it potluck with a home made cake, hell you can even get cake mix and frosting at the dollar store! Some people really just can't think creatively!

You are not being unreasonable at all. A shower is a gift for you after all! You wouldn't ask someone to purchase their own birthday gift on your behalf with their own money??? Plus you aren't too keen on a shower to begin with. I hope this works out for you and doesn't cause too much drama.



 
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