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Old Apr 24th, 2017, 17:29 PM   1
Pregnant (Expecting)
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Will baby's father come around?

Hi, all. Sorry if this is long, also wasn't sure where to post but

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and told the father last Sunday. He was really angry but later calmed down and wanted to talk more about it on Monday. We had a long conversation and he didn't know if he wanted to be with me but seemed like he wanted to be involved with his child. He kept trying to convince me not to keep the pregnancy ... I said I can't do that. He said he didn't want to go to court because he doesn't want us to hate each other. We left things pretty amicably, he said he was a little excited and didn't want to break up right now but needed time to think about everything. Then he said he'd call me Friday.

Friday, he called and seemed like a completely different person. He kept trying to convince me that adoption is the best for the child. I said I don't agree and I can't do that. Well, then he said he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. He said he won't sign off on it being his child? I told him then he'll have to take a paternity test. He said he doesn't care and it can go to court. I said it would be better to figure this out outside of court but he said he refuses to do that. He said he refuses to consider the baby his child. I asked him what changed his mind in the 4 days it's been since we talked and he said he "looked into things." I said I don't think he's had enough time to think about things but he disagreed and said "I've had plenty of time to think and I will not be changing my mind about this."

I don't understand how he could change his mind like that in that short a time period and be completely set on not being involved, refusing to consider the child his, and wanting it to go to court. I'm so confused and upset about this. I thought he would eventually come around, especially after our conversation Monday. Some people in my life think he's going to change his mind again, but I'm not sure. He was very angry, mean, and stubborn about it. I don't know what to do or think. Any advice or anything would be so appreciated.

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Old Apr 25th, 2017, 03:55 AM   2
Mum (Mom)
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Hi and welcome to BabyandBump

Have you been dating this guy long, does he have strong influences around him (family/friends)? Seems such a quick turn around.

I hope he gives himself a shake and in the mean time whatever happens next you have good support around you to share your journey. x

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Old Apr 28th, 2017, 02:23 AM   3
Mum (Mom)
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Aw man that's so difficult. I'm sorry to hear that. I have no idea if he'll come around. Is that what you're wanting?

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Old Apr 28th, 2017, 13:21 PM   4
Pregnant (Expecting)
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Hi hun. I am so sorry. Pregnancy is hard to adjust to, so I'm not shocked he flipped. I'd even say expect more flips. My SO goes from reading to my belly to hating everything about my being pregnant.

The question is do you want him to come around? If he does, it should be on your terms. My SO went silent for weeks 12-16 (even starting sleeping with someone else). When he resurfaced, he was verbally an a*hat. My problem is that my stepdad has pushed hard for me to put up with him. My mom used to, but now she thinks I'm giving up too much. But I made the decision to put up with just about everything under the sun just to keep him around, and most days it really does suck and I ask myself if I want my son growing up watching the way his dad is. Nothing bad just i do EVERYTHING!

Now. It sounds like you'll end up in court, which can be pricey up front so that may be way he suddenly got lippy. Just keep in mind, if paternity is established that battle he is financially on the hook for that. But no for child support I think. My stepdad is a family law attorney so some of the things he told me: always be civil, include him in writing (invite him to scans, provide updates) but keep it brief. Otherwise he can argue that you didn't involve him and it can affect things. I forget what else.

How long were you together? You may also be entitled to temporary spousal support. Not gonna lie a big reason my SO came back was he realized that suppprt payments from him were going to be near $1700/month and I have to live knowing that he is here out of convenience.

So long story short think long and hard about what your limits are because you and baby deserve the best.

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Old May 2nd, 2017, 02:24 AM   5
Mum (Mom)
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What a horrible situation to be in I'm so sorry

It sounds like he's probably had input from someone else friend/family to make such a huge turn around so quickly. It's impossible to say if he will change his mind but I hope everything works out for you.

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