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Old Jan 9th, 2018, 20:01 PM   1
smile7060
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Anxiety :(


Not sure where to write this but I really hope I can find find positive stories. I'm having SUCH A HARD TIME with anxiety and I feel like every day I'm harming my baby. I try to go for walks and breathe.. I eat good and sleep good.. but given everything that is going on in my life it's been super hard. We bought a house a few months ago and since then I have been a wreck off and on. Some days are good some are not so good. The house needs lots of work, and it's so out of my comfort zone!! I just want to nest and stay in our apartment and I can't because we have to move in the next month. I'm 30 weeks and im worried I will have baby early some days. I've had a really good pregnancy besides the anxiety. My midwife tells me to not go on Google and try's to reassure me that lots of women are anxious and have healthy babies.. but all I read is that it can cause ADHD in kids and delays and it's terrible for babies. Which makes me want to scale the wall.

Anyone else with anxiety who has had healthy babies/ children? I try every day to keep it under control but I feel I'm failing already as a mom.



 
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Old Jan 9th, 2018, 21:01 PM   2
krissie328
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I had awful anxiety with my son. He is a perfectly normal and healthy 3.5 year old.

I have it with this pregnancy. It seems everything is stacked against me and this lo. But I just keep trying to remind myself that she is going to be okay too.



 
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Old Jan 9th, 2018, 22:18 PM   3
smile7060
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Thanks for replying. I really hope baby is ok. We don't know what we are having.. but when I have anxiety I feel baby move like crazy. I hate that they are affected by adrenaline and cortisol. Sometimes my heart rate shoots up to the 120s and I have to pee and it always feels like I do .. and I feel tight in my throat ..Did you feel those things too? It happens more after I eat, not sure why. I experience anxiety every damn day it's not exactly what I envisioned being pregnant. Buying a house has seriously thrown me out of whack.



 
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Old Jan 10th, 2018, 07:34 AM   4
awnmyown
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I feel you. We were in a really hectic time in our lives when we were pregnant with DD#1; husband was in school and not working so we only had one income, I had HG so was miserable every day, we had a huge loan for a massive self-build garage (which me and DH built while I was 6-9 months pregnant...I went into labor while hammering nails...), and it was really hard to relax and enjoy. I couldn't nest bc we didn't have a lot of money, so the only baby things we had were hand me downs.

But being anxious is in my personality, and I think DD will either be that way because it's genetic (my mom is the same), or she'll have DH's relaxed personality. And either way, we'll help her learn coping skills. I don't think it harms them; babies are strong creatures, and they learn to cope and adapt. Plenty of healthy, normal children are born to woman who are pregnant in far worse and more stressful conditions like war. They turn out just fine.

I'm also very Type A, and I think pregnancy and child raising is insanely hard when you are. My best advice, is find someone to talk to. A councillor, us here on the forum, a close friend, even just a journal. Because it helps. Sometimes just let off your worries and stresses. Look at things that might solve them (make a list of home repairs, read a book on renos, look at fun pics on pinterest of decor, make a box of your nesting supplies in prep for the new baby room and pick out paint colors. Just avenues to channel the energy so it's not cascading around in your head making it worse.

Hopefully once settled in the new house, you'll feel a little more at ease. But don't worry about baby; they're strong.



 
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Old Jan 10th, 2018, 13:06 PM   5
smile7060
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Thank you so much. It makes me feel better to not be alone. I know anxiety is common ... I think I just feel shame that I suffer from it.

Thank you for the good ideas. I've been seeing a councellor ( although I should try to see her more). The expense is hard.. but I also write in a journal and I try and walk etc. I have a Pinterest board too with all my cool house ideas as well, and I know it's just a matter of time before I can see everything come together. My husband has built lots of houses and he knows what he's doing. I do have faith in that. He's so calm and relaxed.. I hope so bad our baby gets his personality.

The hardest part has been being faced with moving while pregnant.. like you I haven't been Able to nest yet and probably won't the way I wanted too... and it's a terrible feeling. All our things are hand me downs too .. and I won't have a baby's room until baby is 4-6 months because we are building bedrooms in the house. It's been such a crazy time. We got married last June as well so the last year has been super fast and wild. All good things but I would like time to slow down.

We bought a house with a suite on it so our plan is to live in that part and start renovating the part we plan on living in the spring..Then renting out the suite. That way we don't have to live in renos.. but it's still so hard to envision. I love where we are and I don't want to leave. especially to a place that isn't as nice. Although of course we won't be paying some one else mortgage we will be paying our own.. and Of course I know the goal is to fix it., which you can do a great deal with paint, new doors, new windows, floors, refacing cupboards, blinds, and decorating.. but the amount of work right when I'm pregnant doesn't excite me at at all. Baby will be born in March so I'll be able to help with some things but not all.

All I can do at this point is go with the flow .. I've been resisting it so badly and it's been terrible for the anxiety. I usually feel good in the morning and I have anxiety in the afternoon.. at night it usually gets better too. So I don't know what that would classify me as. I like to think it's a moderate level..and not severe although it can be. I read an article that said up to 15 percent of women have anxiety while pregnant.. I just happen to be one of them, well I suppose us three are part of that 15 percent..

I'm also type A and that will be hard for sure but I'm hoping I can adapt too. I like things to look perfect and I know that can't always be realistic. I'm getting better but I have a lot of work to do with that.

Your labour and delivery were ok? Your baby is healthy? I would assume to that this baby might have anxiety as well.. but like me I've mostly learned to cope ok and I've had a really good life despite it. I just very much hope that my husbands genetics take on a large role to cancel some of mine out lol. We have a strange family. Lots have anxiety.. some are quirky.. my brother especially...I just hope this baby is healthy and happy and neuro typical and calm or at least can be taught coping strategies to stay calm.



 
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Old Jan 10th, 2018, 20:26 PM   6
jessmke
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Sorry I have no experience with anxiety, but I do have experience with reno's! We purchased our house three years ago and my husband has been renovating it by himself every since. I was in my first trimester when we moved into the house and had horrendous morning sickness. We didn't have a kitchen for the first three months, and were cooking on a camp stove in the kitchen and doing the dishes in the shower. The house constantly smelled of saw dust and it made my nausea so much worse, I barely left the bedroom for months just to avoid the smell! That part really sucked, but you will get through it and in the end it will be a distant memory. As for the other reno's the house needs, you get used to seeing it a certain way so some of the stuff that needs fixing or updating will just fade into the background and you won't even notice it or stress out about it anymore. Our bathroom has a blue shower, black bathtub, and mustard yellow toilet, and I honestly don't even notice it anymore until we have guests over and they comment on it! Bathrooms are next on the to-do list though and I am excited for a more modern and clean bathroom! Babies are resilient little things, just think about all the stress our early ancestors must have gone through just trying to survive, and they managed to make enough healthy babies to populate the earth! Good luck with everything!



 
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Old Jan 11th, 2018, 08:30 AM   7
awnmyown
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Hey Smile, Type A is definitely a blessing and a curse! I think it makes us very motivated to get things done, but also struggle with things we can't.

I think you've got it, in that you gotta focus on what's working and what is good. Jessmke is totally right; all the half finished, the dishes in the shower, the plywood floors all fades away and becomes memories of "that time". We built our house 3 years ago and it was a whirlwind of the same thing, and while my Type A still goes crazy with all the unfinished things, it also motivates me to work on finishing them off And I think it's awesome for kids to see their parents work. My parents built their first house when I was a year old, and their second when I was 3. I have amazing memories from the build as a child. And it did me no harm either.

Our little girl I think got all the best from it too. Being "Under Construction" I found kept me active, and being active kept my mind focused. No time to worry! I could make concrete plans for what needed to happen next or what I needed to buy or organize all the time. I was fit because I HAD to move the whole pregnancy and my delivery doc told me that she thought that made a big difference in delivery; we had some issues (meconium in waters, cervix caught on LOs MASSIVE 102 percentile head, 2nd degree tear), but honest, none of it was that bad. It's the weirdest thing, but we had a doula, we made our delivery plans, and we let it happen Just keep telling yourself that you're made to do this; it'll go perfectly as it's supposed to.

And you'll come to love your little one. And they'll keep your focus that all the renos and chaos will just be part of the background. There might be moments that you ask yourself "What the hell have I done?!" but it all fades away into that little bundle.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 16:52 PM   8
smile7060
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Thanks for the advice you guys, Jessmke I would have a stroke if I had to be IN renovations hahah jk.. but seriously, I am glad I am not the only one. I know it wont be perfect and that is SUPER hard but at the end of the day it will be ours and it will be closer to the way we want it in time. Its the limbo that gets me.

Does the mom guilt ever end? I guess this is the first time I have experienced it but feeling ashamed that I am not doing the "best" for baby. I planned on being that super organized calm mom, and I am LITERALLY the opposite. I have anxiety, I haven't organized anything, and I ruminate about the petty things. I have pity party after pity party about it, and its so draining. Although I have been doing better the last few weeks. Today has been SO odd. I never drink coffee, in fact I steer clear of it most days because everyone says that it makes anxiety worse, and generally that would be the truth with me or anyone else I would assume, BUT today I had half a cup of coffee and I HAVE NO anxiety. Its literally the strangest thing ever. I feel so good, better than I have in weeks. I know some people are affected differently to stimulants and I am wondering if honestly it could help rather than hinder in some cases. I have some ADD stuff too, so it could very well metabolize differently in my system? Not sure, either way its a welcome feeling.

I think I may try it more in the next week and see if there is anything actually too it or if it just a fluke.

Awnmyown, its good to know that you made it through ok even with anxiety and had your daughter just fine.. I have no idea what sex baby is but I just hope they know mommy tried to hard to keep the crazy in check.. lol My husband tries to reassure me all the time when I tell him I am hurting the baby, and he said oh man honey every guy I talk to that has a pregnant wife says they have a hard time and are " crazy".. lol thanks dear.. but I know its his way of trying to be realistic.

My main goal is to try and keep baby in there for as long as I can and not go in to labour early, although it seems like first time babies are generally on time or late.. in this case I am hoping mine is on time at 40 weeks, that way at least we will be settled...

I hope I can look back on this in a few years and say "good lord we have come so far.. and even though that was hard I am glad we did it when we did..." There has to be a lesson in all of this... maybe its to show me I can over come things? Maybe its a lesson in letting go of perfection? A lesson in creativity and hard work? Or maybe its a lesson in that nothing else matters as long as you have your family.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 17:33 PM   9
smile7060
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How are you doing?



Quote:
Originally Posted by krissie328 View Post
I had awful anxiety with my son. He is a perfectly normal and healthy 3.5 year old.

I have it with this pregnancy. It seems everything is stacked against me and this lo. But I just keep trying to remind myself that she is going to be okay too.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 19:52 PM   10
krissie328
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smile7060 View Post
How are you doing?



Quote:
Originally Posted by krissie328 View Post
I had awful anxiety with my son. He is a perfectly normal and healthy 3.5 year old.

I have it with this pregnancy. It seems everything is stacked against me and this lo. But I just keep trying to remind myself that she is going to be okay too.
I've been struggling. I was at the drs 4 times this week. I am just a wreck with my anxiety about movements, swelling, high bp, ect. I have 12 more days and I am so ready for her to be here.

On a side note. I remember before my first I was gonna be that mom that played, read every night, and did everything right. Yep, that hasn't worked out. It is hard to let some of it go. I figure I have a lot of good mommy moments and ultimately he is doing just fine and is a happy and smart little guy.



 
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