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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 10:17 AM   1
Gemini19156
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When did you "connect" with your baby?


I'm curious to know when other moms-to-be first felt like they really 'connected' with their baby?

I'm not really feeling that yet, and starting to feel kind of bad about it I've heard a lot of people say that it happened for them when they first saw the baby on ultrasound or heard it's heartbeat, but we got to do those things at our appointment last week and it's still just not happening for me? Is that normal?

I've gotten all wrapped up in my head thinking that something is wrong with me for not already feeling in love with my baby...It might also be worth noting that it's been a really stressful season in our lives - moving, changing jobs, and the financial stress that comes with those things. So I feel like I haven't really been able to just "enjoy" being pregnant or focus on connecting with my baby :/ And on top of it all, my stupid guided pregnancy meditations keep telling me to make sure my body is a "calm, safe place for my baby" which makes me feel guilty because right now baby is swimming in an ocean of stress

Sorry for the rant - hoping to find some encouragement here



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 10:59 AM   2
karoolia
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I don't really feel connected. I'm 9 weeks now so I haven't had a scan yet. Well, I had an emergency one around 7 weeks, but I didn't get to look at the screen or hear the heart beat, just received a report.

For me, I think it is because I have had a miscarriage and am keeping myself guarded. I am hoping that later on I will feel connected. I do care about the pregnancy and do everything I can to keep baby safe, which I think is what really matters. I have no doubt that at some point I'll feel bonded, whether it be soon or at birth. I'm sure it will happen.



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 11:13 AM   3
MindUtopia
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Definitely not til much later with my first. Maybe past the 20 week scan? Though I'm really not sure until she was born. I mean I certainly didn't talk to her, we didn't have a name picked out. I think I'm not one of those overally emotional sentimental people. I would say I didn't really feel like I loved her deeply until she was probably about 8 weeks old. I really felt like we had to get to know each other first. But certainly more connected in late pregnancy, definitely not in 1st trimester. This time honestly I have times I almost forget I'm pregnant! And I've had 2 scans already. So I wouldn't take it as an ominous sign or that what you're feeling is unusual.



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 11:22 AM   4
sara1983
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With my first it honestly didn't happen until after she was born and I had her in my arms for the first time. It didn't feel 100% real until then.



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 12:43 PM   5
xkirstyx
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I don't feel connected yet. I don't normally do till after 12 week scan/feel movement last pregnancy I didn't till I had gender scan x



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 12:59 PM   6
laura109
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I got excited on the day of my first scan then i think it wasn't until i got kicks and learnt she was a girl. Then i felt i was bonding with a daughter rather than an unknown if that makes sense. This time around ive only just started getting excited. First 17 weeks i had bleeds and felt sick & tired so i was more fed up. Its normal to not feel anything much at first as theres no kicks or anything yet x



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 13:11 PM   7
maryanne1987
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With my first it all seemed so surreal, although I was excited I wouldn't say I really connected till after he was born. Don't feel bad about it, it's completely normal. As for stress there's been so many studies on the effect of stress on a unborn. Most studies agree that stress has very little effect, if any on a baby, especially during the first tri although there are conflicting studies for the second and third trimester. You have nothing to feel guilty about, don't be so hard on yourself.



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 13:57 PM   8
Gemini19156
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Thank you SO MUCH, everyone! It's such a relief to hear that what I'm experiencing is pretty normal.



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 14:26 PM   9
Scout
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With my 1st, it wasn't until she was about 3 months old! I was too overwhelmed before then and was just trying to survive LOL I had 3 miscarriages before her, so didn't believe I'd actually bring a baby home until I was into 3rd tri, but still didn't bond or connect. I thought it'd surely come when she was born, but it didn't. At about 3 months I started to feel a bond and then the love just continued to grow from there.



 
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Old Jul 31st, 2017, 15:09 PM   10
kewpie
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I think it's so normal to feel the way you do, and so normal to worry about it! I am feeling somewhat the same at 11.5 weeks. All I keep saying to the people we've told is 'it's just so surreal!' It all feels abstract. And I just think 'bonding' will happen when it happens. If that's when I feel kicks, if it's when he/she is born, or weeks afterwards.

The important thing I think is not to be hard on yourself. And definitely don't feel guilty about what your meditation tapes are saying. It's too much pressure on a real woman to keep her body perfectly calm at all times! Maybe don't listen to the tapes if this is bothering you. I too have had a few short guilt moments when I've been feeling upset about being so nauseous, or in a small rage about something minor (hormones!) - but this is just part of being a pregnant human. So I think number one priority is to be kind to yourself no matter what!



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