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Old Feb 6th, 2018, 16:14 PM   1
homegrown21
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MIL Nightmare


So we finally told our family that we were expecting our 2nd child on Sunday. My parents were ecstatic, but it seemed to have left a bad taste in my MIL's mouth, my FIL on the other hand was excited. Her reaction was basically emotionless and her congratulations were a bit strained.

I haven't had the best relationship with her since the beginning, we're both too hands on and she tends to overstep her boundries when it comes to our son. She's very passive aggressive and indirectly criticizes our parenting skills when she feels it's appropriate, which drives me up the wall!!

I've tried to be civil with her and have followed the old adage that if I have nothing nice to say, then I'll say nothing at all. Which kind of leaves me looking like the asshole in the corner.

So the point in all of this is, how many of you have had to deal with over bearing MIL's and how did you deal with them? My husband is starting to realize the antics of his mom, which I'm relieved about, but it doesn't solve our situation. Any advice??



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Old Feb 6th, 2018, 16:21 PM   2
hellojello25
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Honestly, your husband needs to step up and tell his mother to back off. She’s never going to listen to you and if you try to say something to her, you’ll just become the evil DIL who stole her son. It’s his mother, he needs to deal with her.

I have a MIL situation too lol



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2018, 16:45 PM   3
homegrown21
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Originally Posted by hellojello25 View Post
Honestly, your husband needs to step up and tell his mother to back off. Sheís never going to listen to you and if you try to say something to her, youíll just become the evil DIL who stole her son. Itís his mother, he needs to deal with her.

I have a MIL situation too lol
He's starting too!! She made an unwanted comment this morning about letting certain family members know and whatnot. We're taking things differently this time around and it really got under my husband's skin. So he replied the best way he knew how.

The ironic thing is her MIL treated/treats her the same way she treats me and my new SIL. We laugh about the irony and keep to ourselves primarily during functions. It's just best to not give her fuel to a fire that she loves to create.



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Old Feb 6th, 2018, 16:53 PM   4
flowergirl7
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Yeah, I agree with hellojello25. Your husband is going to have to be the one to step up. Itís good he sees whatís going on now too. From the sounds of it, sheís used to being treated in the passive aggressive way she treats you by her MIL so itís probably all she knows. I hope things get better!! No fun dealing with family like that.



 
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Old Feb 11th, 2018, 04:16 AM   5
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We had such a problem with my mil that we didn't tell her about baby number 5 until after she was born we just couldn't deal with the negativity. I will add that this was a bad move in the long run as she was hurt by our actions we told her quite early about baby number 6 not sure when we will tell her about our current bun.



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Old Feb 11th, 2018, 14:37 PM   6
lilmisscaviar
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My MIL isn't like this (she has 7 kids of her own) but my FIL and my DH's stepmother is. They used to do all kinds of things for our kids until my SIL and her three kids moved back here from out of state, now everything is about them. They went as far as to say that they thought we were "holding" our kids from them - which we never said that they couldn't come to visit us so this idea could only come from the fact that my SIL goes to their house everyday - and wouldn't even watch our kids so that DH could be pallbearer at a funeral. They criticize our parenting skills. When our first wasn't potty trained by 3 years old my FIL had the nerve to tell me that I put her a year behind. No, it wasn't that, it was that she just wasn't ready yet. Like with walking, which she didn't do until 15 months old and which my FIL also blamed us saying that we carried her too much, she did it on her own time. He promised he'd visit with us on Christmas eve this past year and never did. He visited with my SIL instead. She has the "perfect kids" in his eyes and he'll babysit them without a second thought. He even watched them so she could go back to school and get a degree. He'd never do that for my DH. It t***ed me off so much that we no longer have anything to do with them. It was hard cutting them from our life but it was better in the long run to avoid the negativity. I wouldn't suggest you to do something that drastic... we just had to because DH's pleas to them to be in our kids' lives fell on deaf ears... but definitely try to get your DH to talk to her and let her know how you feel. Some people just don't realize what they're doing. Others, like my FIL, simply don't care.



 
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Old Feb 11th, 2018, 16:20 PM   7
drudai
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Some mil's/mothers just can't be made happy. My mom is narcissistic and I dreaded her comments from the beginning. Some only think of themselves and how it will affect them, even if it's crazy insignificant amount. In her eyes, it was one more kiddo she'd feel objected to "watch" (she never just visits the kids, or asks them to come over, and if she does has them once a month, she expects payment) or another gift to buy at Xmas.

I learned with DS to put her at the back of my mind and not care anymore, and I'm sure with your MIL you'll do the same. x



 
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Old Feb 13th, 2018, 09:39 AM   8
flowergirl7
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Originally Posted by drudai View Post
Some mil's/mothers just can't be made happy. My mom is narcissistic and I dreaded her comments from the beginning. Some only think of themselves and how it will affect them, even if it's crazy insignificant amount. In her eyes, it was one more kiddo she'd feel objected to "watch" (she never just visits the kids, or asks them to come over, and if she does has them once a month, she expects payment) or another gift to buy at Xmas.

I learned with DS to put her at the back of my mind and not care anymore, and I'm sure with your MIL you'll do the same. x
Omg!! Expects payment??! I remember my sister used to pay me gas money to watch her so , but I would completely spend that plus more spending the day doing stuff with him. I just think thatís weird for a mother or parent to expect that from their kids.



 
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Old Feb 13th, 2018, 13:44 PM   9
homegrown21
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Thanks ladies! It's good to know that I can share my experiences with you all and that it's definitely relatable. Just to add an update, because nothing really surprises me much anymore with her. My son developed bronchitis during his birthday weekend, I received, literally paragraphs of texts that I needed to take him to see the doctor, that we needed to get this treated, her recommendations for her ENT, make sure that we watch it so it doesn't turn to pneumonia. We even received a phone call yesterday from my husband's grandmother asking us if we had taken him to the doctor and relaying the same message that my MIL had given us.
I broached the topic with my hubby and he kind of brushed it off and he didn't want to talk about it, he was clearly upset about it. Later in the day he asked his mom about why his grandmother would call and do that, her only response was, "she's losing it, don't mind her."

It's just antics like this that make me think she doesn't see us as qualified parents. I know she thinks she's being helpful, but she comes off too strong and her undertones qualify as PA. Ugh, ladies, my plan is to avoid her as much as I can, she just adds stress to our lives.



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Old Feb 13th, 2018, 15:21 PM   10
Andypanda6570
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Originally Posted by homegrown21 View Post
Thanks ladies! It's good to know that I can share my experiences with you all and that it's definitely relatable. Just to add an update, because nothing really surprises me much anymore with her. My son developed bronchitis during his birthday weekend, I received, literally paragraphs of texts that I needed to take him to see the doctor, that we needed to get this treated, her recommendations for her ENT, make sure that we watch it so it doesn't turn to pneumonia. We even received a phone call yesterday from my husband's grandmother asking us if we had taken him to the doctor and relaying the same message that my MIL had given us.
I broached the topic with my hubby and he kind of brushed it off and he didn't want to talk about it, he was clearly upset about it. Later in the day he asked his mom about why his grandmother would call and do that, her only response was, "she's losing it, don't mind her."

It's just antics like this that make me think she doesn't see us as qualified parents. I know she thinks she's being helpful, but she comes off too strong and her undertones qualify as PA. Ugh, ladies, my plan is to avoid her as much as I can, she just adds stress to our lives.

While I know it is hard an they sometimes are overbearing, I am a DIL for 27 years, what did she really do? She is overly concerned about your baby her grandchild and that is what they do, she just is showing concern an offering advice. I have 3 sons and you have one and believe me you will be right where she is today, one day. SO try not to let her concern bother you a lot, believe me at almost 48 I can tell you , you need to pick your battles. I am NOT saying let her push you around or over step her boundaries, but think about it, she was just offering advice and saying what you already as a mom know. I am a wonderful DIL and I take pride in that, I am going to have 3 DIL and sooner than later, so i do my best to be a good one in the hopes I get at least one out of the 3 that like me..



 
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