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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 10:38 AM   1
homegrown21
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Relationship Question


Has anyone discovered their spouse was cheating while they were pregnant? What did you do? I think my husband is cheating with a co-worker of his and I brought up my concerns in the most non-accusatory way possible. He hasn't responded to my claims and I've been stressing about this, it's the only thing that's been on my mind. We've never dealt with this kind of situation and it's hard especially since I'm pregnant. Any advice out there?



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 10:50 AM   2
2nd time
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Does your husband know you are pregnant . Silly question maybe . What makes you think he is cheating? Their are ways ways forward don't dispare



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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 11:02 AM   3
Brightxeyes
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There’s two ways to go about it, you either flat out ask him and get an answer, or you have patience and try to find out another way. I usually go for the waiting it out option because I’m quite good at finding things out. Otherwise it gives them a chance to deny and hide evidence.

For example. I’ve had my partner betray my trust by speaking to his ex several times. He went to the bathroom to message them but his iPad also popped up with notifications. I let them speak a while longer so if they said anything that would imply they’re going behind my back, then I’d have the proof. They weren’t, but he had agreed long ago not to speak to her after she insulted me publicly for no reason (she didn’t even know me), so it was still upsetting that he wanted to talk to her.

Is it a particular co worker you have concerns about?

Do you have a mutual friend with your partner who you could speak to to find out?

Otherwise you need to sit him down and ask flat out.

Is this your first child? Are they having worries about being a father? Money worries potentially?



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 11:03 AM   4
homegrown21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2nd time View Post
Does your husband know you are pregnant . Silly question maybe . What makes you think he is cheating? Their are ways ways forward don't dispare
Yes, he knows I'm pregnant. I don't know if it's cheating per se, but I noticed an unfamiliar name on his favorited friends list on snapchat. I asked him a question to get the name out of him since he's been talking about this female co-worker more recently at work, that he's never mentioned by name. So he 'stumbled' over her name and it was the same from snapchat. I don't have text message prove, which can be obviously deleted. But he has her listed in his phone contacts as 'Katey' and he said her name was Kathryn. Just really small things that are making me wonder if this is an emotional relationship or something more.



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 11:33 AM   5
homegrown21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brightxeyes View Post
There’s two ways to go about it, you either flat out ask him and get an answer, or you have patience and try to find out another way. I usually go for the waiting it out option because I’m quite good at finding things out. Otherwise it gives them a chance to deny and hide evidence.

For example. I’ve had my partner betray my trust by speaking to his ex several times. He went to the bathroom to message them but his iPad also popped up with notifications. I let them speak a while longer so if they said anything that would imply they’re going behind my back, then I’d have the proof. They weren’t, but he had agreed long ago not to speak to her after she insulted me publicly for no reason (she didn’t even know me), so it was still upsetting that he wanted to talk to her.

Is it a particular co worker you have concerns about?

Do you have a mutual friend with your partner who you could speak to to find out?

Otherwise you need to sit him down and ask flat out.

Is this your first child? Are they having worries about being a father? Money worries potentially?
I've never met her before, he just recently started dropping her into random conversations. Before any of this started, when he begin his position there, he said that not a lot of the guys who worked there like her; he actually called her 'bitchy.' So why all of a sudden are they now work friends outside of work? I'm half feeling that I'm a crazy hormonal pregnant lady, but at the same time it just feels so suspicious to me. Something inside is just telling me it's not innocent, on the pass conversations.

This is our 2nd baby, I don't know any of his other co-workers, besides they've all become pretty close and I'm sure none would spill the beans if they saw something inappropriate happening. Which by the way, they all know we're expecting.

Sorry, your significant other did that, I'm glad he stopped talking to her and saw that this was upsetting you. That's all that I want from my husband, an explanation as to why he thinks this is appropriate and that me asking him to take her off his friends list is fair. I'd do the same if he felt uncomfortable with any of my male friends.



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 16:43 PM   6
xarlenex
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It sounds like he might either just be friends with her all of a sudden, or that possibly there is an interest there, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating, however I'm a big believer in gut instinct. I believe as humans we're all occasionally going to have a "liking" as such for someone else, it's about how you recognise it and deal with it going forward that really matters.

Have you been able to read messages between them? Is any of it inappropriate at all?



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 22:45 PM   7
OICC
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INVESTIGATE. SNOOP! Don't give him a chance to hide evidence.
And even if he does, Google history *cough cough* It shows you who hes looking at what facebook pages he goes to blah blah.

And If he knows your pregnant and he's doing that, count your blessings and move the f on. You have your little bundle, Find a loyal person and leave him before he trys to get a custody case and get child support from him.

Actually give it some time and don't jump into anything, focus on yourself but eventually try and find something better.

Seriously its not worth your time if he is.

But investigate definitely.

And I don't believe in relationships that don't have open phone policies or hide passwords, me and my boyfriend don't have facebook or anything cause we like to be off the map, but in past relationship I was with someone really shady and i learned that why be in a relationship if two people are gonna have two seperate lifes. I just think its a waste of time to not completely be 100 percent with each other....

end rant/



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Old Feb 21st, 2018, 22:48 PM   8
OICC
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Oh he's your husband not your bf, that makes it a little trickier, but still. If he's cheating he's not worth it and I would move on for sanitys sake.
You're a strong pregnant LADY and you don't need NO man! :P

im pregnant and hormonal right now sorry :3



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Old Feb 22nd, 2018, 07:52 AM   9
LilFooshFoosh
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Sorry you are going through this.

When my husband betrayed my trust I talked to him about it and how it made me feel. I didn't give him time to try to cover his tracks, but I also didn't snoop. I just outright asked him to give me access to his accounts while we sat across from each other at the table and then went through them with him.

It wasn't necessarily the act of going through his accounts but his reaction to the request that I was interested in. If he had said no, hesitated or got angry at me for even asking or insinuating he might have something to hide, we would have had a totally different conversation- because that would mean he did have something to hide. He showed me everything and we moved past it.

No one knows your relationship or your DH like you do. I'm sure, in your heart, you know what he would or wouldn't be capable of. My DH would not have the patience or consistency to continually delete conversation history and hide his tracks.

This may not be the popular opinion, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but I personally don't think that suspicion of his dishonesty gives carte-blanche to be dishonest yourself. I would have felt horrible if I went behind DH's back and found nothing; would I tell him that I'd done that? Would he forgive me?

One last thing, when I was pregnant with my first I went through several periods where I thought DH was going to leave me because I was acting all crazy (hormones) and, well, just because he could. After talking about my feelings with him, I realized that I didn't like the fact that if he wanted he could just walk away, but I couldn't- I was literally stuck to the baby. Those feelings went away and DH was more patient with me because he knew I needed him to be.

I hope you manage to work through this in a way that you are happy with, no matter the outcome.



 
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Old Feb 22nd, 2018, 09:12 AM   10
Brightxeyes
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Ugh snapchat is totally inconvenient for snooping.
I don’t know the entire ins and outs but I know little emojis next to their name shows how much they talk. So smiley face if they talk kinda often then yellow love heart if they’ve spoken a lot recently?

Does he use WhatsApp?

One way my ex boss found out his wife was cheating was to add the number into his contacts (doesn’t notify them in WhatsApp) but you can see when they’re both online. So if he’s on his phone, using WhatsApp to speak to her, and they’re both showing as online, then you know they’re chatting.

If he’s only using snapchat to talk to her... then I’d likely say they’re not talking about entirely harmless general conversation. It may be what they think is harmless FLIRTING, and they haven’t done anything to act upon it. But even something like that is harmful to a relationship.

If you can get hold of his phone and open Snapchat, swipe down it’ll show if they’ve saved any parts of the conversation previously. (May have saved the odd thing who knows).

Sometimes you have to snoop to find out what is being said. I wouldn’t feel at all guilty. He’s using snapchat, which automatically hides conversation unless manually saved. Why not use text? Or WhatsApp? Or Facebook? Just sounds slightly suspicious. So I would dig deeper if possible.

What does he do for work? Is it a workplace where someone you know could go have a snoop to see if he’s flirting? Or a private office type of work?



 
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