Ok so this is a bit of a rant but I know I'm not the only one that must feel this way and I felt it needed to be said.
Obviously pregnancy is a wonderful, miraculous and still in some areas mysterious process and because of this there are a lot of old wives tales and old ideas that continue flying about regardless of how disproved they have been! Some are harmless and are a little giggle and fun for pregnant ladies, as long as you don't take them to be fact (such as if you have heartburn your baby will be born with lots of hair and even the heartrate predicting gender (although strongly disproved in peer reviewed journals after various studies). They are cute and fun but not to be taken seriously!
Then there's the not so harmless comments that can get peoples hopes or stress levels up such as:
"eating for two..."
"having strong symptoms, particularly MS means your pregnancy is going great..."
and although there are various others, this one is in my opinion is one of the worst as it produces false hope and unneeded stress. It also upsets me most because I keep seeing ignorant people saying it on this board and from personal experience, having had no MS at all this entire pregnancy and having seen women on this board talk of their bad MS only to have MMC in later posts, I have to tell you it hurts, worries and is NOT helpful. I know the posters of these kind of messages are trying to soothe and be helpful but we need to realize a lot of the stuff on here is taken as "truth" especially by first time pregnant ladies looking for support from those who have experienced it or from ladies who have been trying for a long time and have their hearts and souls invested in these pregnancies.
I hope I didn't come off as bitchy but I really hope that people decide to think twice about making these broad statements to vulnerable women because you may think you are supporting them, but you may be doing the exact opposite and are just continuing to perpetuate a bunch of inaccurate, unhelpful lies.
Total agreement, I have very few symptons and no MS and even though I never had it with DD have found myself stressing that it means the pregnancy is not strong. Worrying is part of pregnancy and although it is great to be reassured the problem is that quite often the reassurance contradicts what someone else needs to be told and they in turn then worry more.
I have been told that it IS true that having a lot of MS is OFTEN (not always) a sign of a healthy pregnancy. I think what is bothersome, and I understand completely, is that for mothers who are NOT experiencing this, the assumption (or the way they take it) is that the OPPOSITE is true (meaning no symptoms=unhealthy pregnancy) and this is simply not true. But it doesn't make it any less true that the first part is true. Perhaps as a mom to be with no symptoms it's just worrisome to hear, but it isn't necessarily untrue or ignorant to say.
Found this online:
What causes the nausea and vomiting of pregnancy?
We can't explain why some people feel fine and others are green for months. Even the same woman may feel vastly different in each pregnancy. There is some relationship between nausea and the level of the pregnancy hormone hCG. In twin pregnancies, and in other situations where the hCG is greater than expected, nausea and vomiting tend to be worse. In a pregnancy destined for miscarriage, hCG levels tend to be low, and nausea is often less severe. This being said, a lack of nausea doesn't guarantee that the pregnancy is destined for miscarriage. The fact that nausea and vomiting are often signs of a healthy pregnancy can offer a silver lining in the dark cloud of miserable nausea.
Sorry it wont let me post the link because I don't have 10 posts yet. But this was from Dr. Spock's website. Similar stories found elsewhere on the net.
ETA: Hunnybear I am 10 w 5d so we are right here together! Lucky you btw if you're not experiencing a ton of MS. I am miserable and patiently waiting for week 14 or so to come out of it.
I think caution needs to be exercised when linking to sites too - unless they are a scientific/medical site (with real studies which have been peer reviewed etc) I don't think they should be posted - or at least posted with a caution.
I totally agree that some things I read on here would make anyone anxious that they're not experiencing the "best" pregnancy. Old wives tales are dangerous, we live in a medical society where science and testing is key - let's not get bogged down by nonsense pseudoscience.
I do hear the essence of what you're saying hunnybear, but I don't think there is any place for you to "blame" the good nature of ladies trying to support each other by offering a few words of comfort. People make a choice to use websites such as this; if they want 'facts' they can Google, if they want human support, they will blog.
Yes it can be misguided at times, but come on, your next door neighbour, MIL or daily newspaper can give you equally as outlandish "facts". Besides there are no hard & fast, black & white answers to our pregnancy queries and I've known even the professionals to cause anxiety with their version of what is correct or normal. ANY so called fact about pregnancy is true for one and false for the next lady.
Complaining of the flawed content of peoples' posts is a bit like sitting in a pub and complaining about people drinking. You are maybe totally right, but I fear you are offending the whole spirit of the site by stating it here.
The whole point of this place is that we speak openly and freely to each other, and give everyone their say. So I don't think you need to be too apologetic! The MS symptoms thing is close to my heart as I have had no MS symptoms and am now quite concerned I may have lost the baby in the past few days, with a MC coming soon... then again, I may not!
When my older sister was pregnant, she had hyperemesis gravidum, and the consultant did say to her that the sickness was a good sign as regards keeping the baby safely in there. So I do think there is some medical credence to it. However, I don't think it automatically means the opposite is true - every pregnancy is individual simply because we are all individuals!
After hearing all this crap first time over and over again it dosnt bother me now, poeple are like broken records to pregnant woman and it gets worse right up to the end ! everyone turns into a doctor and the pregnany lady looses her brain so everyone must remind her or false facts, false advice, old wives tales, horror stories, silly questions and negative stories,. cure: a good slap should sort them out.
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