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Old Aug 16th, 2010, 17:03 PM   31
roonsma
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Originally Posted by Serene123 View Post
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Originally Posted by aliss View Post
I'm confused, you say you are an RN, but you say "she has herpes, should I let her around me or my baby?" - as an RN, do you not know the answer to that question?
The herpes virus is extremely dangerous, possibly life threatening to a newborn baby....

I certainly wouldn't risk staying in the same house as someone with the virus for my babies sake, i wouldn't be willing to just chance that they were practising good hand hygiene and not passing it to my baby although i suppose the risk is small.
How would you even know if someone in your house had genital herpes

It's like people who are afraid of AIDS. The person you sit next to on a bus or serves you in Mac Donald's could have herpes/AIDS but you don't think about it??
No of course not- but i wouldn't knowlingly put my child in a situation where contamination is possible , i think your being a little flippant actually. Herpes can take over a babys body in hours with catastrophic results and i know this from first hand experience. Maybe you need to think a little before you reply.



 
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Old Aug 16th, 2010, 21:34 PM   32
brunette&bubs
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Wow! I am very surprised that so many people were so hurtful and rude to me because of this thread.
Let me just get a few things straight.
1. The only reason why I am disgusted by my mother is because she talked badly about a friend of mine who has herpes and told me not to be around her and yet she acted like a little saint. I would also be very disgusted if she cheated on my dad and that is how she got these genital herpes.
2. I did not talk to my OB about my mom having herpes nor do I plan on it. My OB advised me to move out as soon as possible because of the control issues my mom has. I think you guys need to really read and understand what I am trying to say before you lash out on me.
3. Yes, I am an RN that just graduated. I actually just recently got a job this summer. You know, you can learn a lot from school and a lot more from experience. I don't work with STDs or the effects they have on babies so I was just asking for advice! Next time I will ask someone from my work instead. How can you expect a geriatric nurse to delivery a baby? Think about it. Not every nurse works in the same specialty area.
4. I thought that it would be okay to go on here anonymously and ask a question. None of you know me, my mom, or my family and frankly, I would not know any of you if I ran into you on the street. Thats what I thought this forum was for, to ask questions to other pregnant women. You wouldn't just tell everyone about your gas, constipation, weight gain, and morning sickness would you? But indeed you do on here! I'm surprised that you assume I'm going around and spreading her private info to the world. No one else even knows about this except her, me and my OH. And honestly, I wish I didn't know!
5. I suppose I will think twice before asking anything on this forum again. I was trying to ask advice for what i should do because I didn't know what was the right thing to do. I don't want to hurt my moms feelings or invade her privacy so i was looking for guidance. Apparently I can't do that here and I will just be yelled at and put down. None of you know my mom and the situation I am going through with her. I cry every night because of the issues I have to deal with in this home. My mom has been addicted to prescription pain killers for 3 years and has said very rude and hurtful things towards me and my OH. She even tried hitting me while I was pregnant. Don't even get me started on the control issues that she has. So yes, it is more than just the herpes. But none of you know what I have to go through myself and even reading the replies to this gets me emotional. All I was looking for was advice, but from now on I will look for it elsewhere.



 
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Old Aug 16th, 2010, 21:44 PM   33
kelliemssw
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I'm rooting for your family to get out of her home. You need to be with your DH right now, alone. Things are too emeshed and you need out.



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Old Aug 16th, 2010, 22:00 PM   34
KandyKinz
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I think there are many issues at play here and you really need to listen to your own instinct. If you are not comfortable living with your mother... GET OUT!!! If you don't want to make a bad relationship even worse.... then GET OUT and have a good sit down chat with your mom and put it all out on the table. It doesn't sound like you have much a relationship to sacrifice there and by talking you may actually be able to recover something lost........

It may also give you some clue as to the status of your parents relationship... Just because you didn't spot any anti-virals for your dad does not necessarily mean she cheated. Some people can become infected with herpes, have one outbreak and then never experience another outbreak for decades even without treatment... They are still carrying the virus they are just asymptomatic... Your dad could potentially be one of those.... Or he could be more self-conscious then your mother and hide his medication.

As for the herpes, as mentioned above, direct contact needs to be made in order to contract it. As the baby will not be squeezing out your mom's birth canal there is little too worry about there. Though I would certainly encourage good handwashing hygeine! I would be more concerned if your mother had cold sores as well (HSV-1) as they can easily cause infection to the baby through kisses. (And genital herpes can cause oral herpes (cold sores) and vice versa... so keep an eye out for cold sores)



 
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Old Aug 16th, 2010, 22:10 PM   35
Hunnybear
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Originally Posted by brunette&bubs View Post
Wow! I am very surprised that so many people were so hurtful and rude to me because of this thread.
Let me just get a few things straight.
1. The only reason why I am disgusted by my mother is because she talked badly about a friend of mine who has herpes and told me not to be around her and yet she acted like a little saint. I would also be very disgusted if she cheated on my dad and that is how she got these genital herpes.
2. I did not talk to my OB about my mom having herpes nor do I plan on it. My OB advised me to move out as soon as possible because of the control issues my mom has. I think you guys need to really read and understand what I am trying to say before you lash out on me.
3. Yes, I am an RN that just graduated. I actually just recently got a job this summer. You know, you can learn a lot from school and a lot more from experience. I don't work with STDs or the effects they have on babies so I was just asking for advice! Next time I will ask someone from my work instead. How can you expect a geriatric nurse to delivery a baby? Think about it. Not every nurse works in the same specialty area.
4. I thought that it would be okay to go on here anonymously and ask a question. None of you know me, my mom, or my family and frankly, I would not know any of you if I ran into you on the street. Thats what I thought this forum was for, to ask questions to other pregnant women. You wouldn't just tell everyone about your gas, constipation, weight gain, and morning sickness would you? But indeed you do on here! I'm surprised that you assume I'm going around and spreading her private info to the world. No one else even knows about this except her, me and my OH. And honestly, I wish I didn't know!
5. I suppose I will think twice before asking anything on this forum again. I was trying to ask advice for what i should do because I didn't know what was the right thing to do. I don't want to hurt my moms feelings or invade her privacy so i was looking for guidance. Apparently I can't do that here and I will just be yelled at and put down. None of you know my mom and the situation I am going through with her. I cry every night because of the issues I have to deal with in this home. My mom has been addicted to prescription pain killers for 3 years and has said very rude and hurtful things towards me and my OH. She even tried hitting me while I was pregnant. Don't even get me started on the control issues that she has. So yes, it is more than just the herpes. But none of you know what I have to go through myself and even reading the replies to this gets me emotional. All I was looking for was advice, but from now on I will look for it elsewhere.

Coming from a very similiar background family-wise from what I can see where I KNOW my mom has cheated on my dad and he is controlling and she threw me out for calling the cops when my drug addict sister stabbed me etc...........I just gotta say, you NEED TO GET OUT. Herpes or shingles aside - go now! Me and my husband struggled for years to keep afloat financially but it has really healed a lot of old wounds for me (although several are still here and will take a long time to heal) but it has also made me a stronger, more well rounded person. I think that your concern about her possible herpes/shingles is more of a physical manifestation of a push to get you out and frankly, I know how much you sometimes need a push to get yourself out of these situations.

And if she does have herpes - it's none of your business (I don't mean that in a mean flippant way, I just mean that you don't need to add her possible unmoral behaviour and the results of it to stress you out and add more drama and problems to your life because you need to worry about yourself, your OH and you LO right now!!!!) And obviously her being 2-faced if she has herpes and is bad mouthing your friend is horrible but surely you must be used to her "unstable" behaviour and this is horrible but should hardly be surprising if that is the case! Plus, you know that unless you have physical contact with her open herpes sores (either on her lips or vagina) you and your baby are safe so it isn't a worry you need to add.

Now if she might have shingles then YES it is totally within your right to ask because being exposed to this during pregnancy is certainly a concern. So ask! Lie if you have to, to make it easier on you. Tell her the pharmacist saw you were pregnant or saw you looking at prenatal vitamins when you were filling the prescription and warned you that if it was for treatment of shingles exposure could be dangerous and you should be careful (or something). Again, its weird and hard but do it for yourself and your baby!!!

My mom asked me to have my baby at one of two hospitals she works in (she's an RN) because she has priviledges there and would be able to get more involved. of course not! (though I told her i'd think about it to avoid uneeded stress at this time) I will NOT do that because it will be more about her and less about me, my OH and my baby and I will not let her ruin this for me. I would never have had the nerve to even do that when I was living with her so go, struggle and build a life for yourself and build your own family and start building healthy boundaries between yourself and your mom.


PS: My mom has had herpes my entire life (on her mouth kind) and although I lived her her my whole life I never got it. It's all about avoiding contact when they have visible herpes sores!



 
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Old Aug 16th, 2010, 22:14 PM   36
daisy74
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First of all congrats on your baby secondly your going to be a mom and well ALL I can say is this,A family member of mine has herpes and I let her hold both of my kids kiss them and babysit them,YOU get one mother hun and you should go and talk to her,After all you seen the med bottle it is only fair to let her say what is on her mind.Would you want her to walk away from you if you had a STD...IF she even has it...DONT mean to sound harsh I am a mom of 2 girls and while I dont have herpes IF I did well I wouldnt want my kids to keep themselves or their children away from me.I am not saying to wash your clothes with her or use her towels,Maybe talk to her and also talk with your doctor about how it is transmitted other then the obvious sexual activity.
Have a h&h 9 months



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2010, 02:33 AM   37
bumble b
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i'm no expert on herpes, but have you thought about the fact that your dad might of given your mum herpes, just coz your mum has outbreaks, doesn't mean your father doesn't have it

if it's bothering you so much then i think moving out will be really good for you both. try not to punish your mum though. her trying to take over shows she already loves your little baby, i really don't think she would deliberately expose your little one to any virus including herpes. i wish my mum was more interested in my baby

i feel embarassed enough by getting coldsores when i'm run down, your poor mum.



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2010, 03:15 AM   38
emilyjade
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brunette&bubs View Post
Wow! I am very surprised that so many people were so hurtful and rude to me because of this thread.
Let me just get a few things straight.
1. The only reason why I am disgusted by my mother is because she talked badly about a friend of mine who has herpes and told me not to be around her and yet she acted like a little saint. I would also be very disgusted if she cheated on my dad and that is how she got these genital herpes.
2. I did not talk to my OB about my mom having herpes nor do I plan on it. My OB advised me to move out as soon as possible because of the control issues my mom has. I think you guys need to really read and understand what I am trying to say before you lash out on me.
3. Yes, I am an RN that just graduated. I actually just recently got a job this summer. You know, you can learn a lot from school and a lot more from experience. I don't work with STDs or the effects they have on babies so I was just asking for advice! Next time I will ask someone from my work instead. How can you expect a geriatric nurse to delivery a baby? Think about it. Not every nurse works in the same specialty area.
4. I thought that it would be okay to go on here anonymously and ask a question. None of you know me, my mom, or my family and frankly, I would not know any of you if I ran into you on the street. Thats what I thought this forum was for, to ask questions to other pregnant women. You wouldn't just tell everyone about your gas, constipation, weight gain, and morning sickness would you? But indeed you do on here! I'm surprised that you assume I'm going around and spreading her private info to the world. No one else even knows about this except her, me and my OH. And honestly, I wish I didn't know!
5. I suppose I will think twice before asking anything on this forum again. I was trying to ask advice for what i should do because I didn't know what was the right thing to do. I don't want to hurt my moms feelings or invade her privacy so i was looking for guidance. Apparently I can't do that here and I will just be yelled at and put down. None of you know my mom and the situation I am going through with her. I cry every night because of the issues I have to deal with in this home. My mom has been addicted to prescription pain killers for 3 years and has said very rude and hurtful things towards me and my OH. She even tried hitting me while I was pregnant. Don't even get me started on the control issues that she has. So yes, it is more than just the herpes. But none of you know what I have to go through myself and even reading the replies to this gets me emotional. All I was looking for was advice, but from now on I will look for it elsewhere.



maybe your mother dosnt even have herpes, i myself had singles while still at school and i had the on my back so she could just have singles but in a place the naked eye can not see.
To be honest though i still dont see the problem if she does have herpes, many people have herpes and its not like we ask people if they have a virus before we come into any sort of contact with them, if someone had a coldsaw i wouldnt avoid them because of it.
It seemed to me that you was saying your DR friends ect said get out because of the herpes thats all it was on that front. No one said that a geriatric nurse would deliver a baby but iv google'd herpes to make sure i wasnt saying the wrong things and topped up my knowledge on it.
Yes we do ask things on here we may not in RL but when the thread is called Mom has HERPES, should i let her around me or my baby? it seems a little out there (not in a nasty way) you wouldnt know if anyone else had it ie your best friend so would you be careful with them around your baby?
i personally didnt mean to offend you and im sure the other ladies didnt mean to either, just thought you would of done a little more research before coming onto a public forum asking if your baby will get your mums 'queried' genital herpes but as iv already said your baby will be born though you and it has to be contact through the infected area and its safe to say your baby wouldnt be know where near your mums bits (not in a nasty way again). so i think your baby will be safe.
also just a thought maybe your dad does have 'queried' herpes and he keeps his meds in a different area of the home maybe somewhere more private than your mum.

Please dont feel like you have to not post because of this thread i think it was just a shock to read the title and you didnt explain the whole picture to us and thats why you most probably got the mixed reply you did.

i do hope you can get this sorted with her and i would ask her straight what she has then you can think of the next steps to take on what you and your OH feel safe/comfortable with.



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2010, 12:30 PM   39
roonsma
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Im sorry if anything i've posted has upset you it certainly wasn't aimed at you, i was posting back to the person who was questioning you being a RN, then the person who quoted me and was boing totally flippant and immature about the whole thing.

I wish you luck x



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2010, 12:43 PM   40
brunette&bubs
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Personally, I think if you don't have anything nice to say on this forum then please take it elsewhere.
I am sorry if I offended anyone or came off as rude or ignorant
But I assure you that was not my intention.
Thanks for all the helpful answers.



 
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