Hello - I'm new but hoping to find some friends to share the journey with!
I've just got my 2nd BFP and am in total shock, and am feeling a bit nervous and a lot guilty....
I have a DD1 (now 19 months) who was conceived naturally after a LOT of fertlity treatment. We got married 3 weeks ago and "stopped preventing" just about a week before. We pretty much thought although we were lucky to have "caught" with DD naturally in the end, it might never happen again. We had decided not to go with any more treatment, happy just to have her and if another happened to come along that would be brilliant.
Therefore to get my BFP now, first month in, has come as a bit of a shock!
Then there is the guilt - ugghh. In the almost 3 weeks since we've got married (and it seems this was a wedding night baby when I work out the dates!) we've been on honeymoon. I have had lots of drinks (LOTS) which makes me feel awful. I had packed some tampax thinking that AF was due around the last day of the holiday, and it was only when I came to pack to go home I really twigged that AF wasn't there. I was probably about 17 or 18dpo when I tested and got my BFP and when I think about the booze, lifting suitcases, eating all sorts of unhealthy nonsense, no folic acid, etc, I just feel awful. I never, ever imagined it would happen this quickly otherwise of course I wouldn't have done it!
I'm also really worried about practicalities of having a 2 year old and a newborn. DD had reflux and colic, and the first 10 weeks of her being here were really hard, plus I had an awful birth (3 day labour ending in a back to back ventouse delivery) and I'm really scared about that happening again. I have no idea what we are going to do about sleeping arrangements in our little house, and I'm worrying about all sorts of stupid things like finances and "finding enough love" for 2, as I can't imagine loving anything as much as DD - sounds weird but true.
I'm also scared because I "knew" I was pg with DD - 100% knew before I took the test - I had aching boobs, nausea, bloated, backache at 14dpo. This time round not a thing - another reason for not realising a bit sooner and testing before 18dpo! I'm worried it doesn't bode well?
I'm so happy DD isn't going to be an only child, and so VERY happy this has turned out not to be a long journey, but I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and scared at the moment!
Any support or words of wisdom would be appreciated!
Wow amazing story! I don't have much to offer I'm afraid apart from I had a 2 year old when I had my second, they have their birthdays in the same month, it was a bit hectic at first as my eldest was potty training, but she loved her brother and they have been so close ever since it's wonderful, and once your second arrives, you realise you have more love, enough to love two children completely, it's a bit hard to get your head around before the second arrives, but it's true , anyway, so happy for you congratulations! If you're really worried book in to see your doc but I am sure everything will be fine as baby doesn't implant for a while anyway, best wishes to you! hugs xxxxxx
I've read that the baby doesn't absorb anything from you for the 1st 5 weeks because the placenta hasn't formed, so I think you can stop worrying about the booze. This happens to women the world over, it's really common. Some women don't figure out they are pregnant for months! Just be good from now on
I can't comment on the challenges of having two LO's, but from what my friends tell me, all of that stuff just has a way of working out.
Everything your feeling is totally normal, try not to worry too much many women have drank and smoked before they find out they are pregnant, and there babys are all fit and healthy
I had 5 children under 8 and some how you just manage... X
Thanks everyone. I just feel bad I didn't twig sooner and test earlier, but with no symptoms whatsoever and being preoccupied on honeymoon, it just didn't occur to me. Just wish I felt SOMETHING other than guilt!
Am pondering what to about telling people too - last time we kept it very quiet till 12 weeks and the scan showed all was okay, and I'd prefer it to be that way now too, but my Mum comes to stay every other Friday to help with childcare (I work full time) but there is no way I can get through 3 or 4 of her visits before her knowing - she'll guess if I'm not having a drink or feeling sick!
I'm also now trying to think of creative ways to tell DH when he gets home as I didn't test till after he had left for work. Looks like babys due date is his birthday, so was thinking about going out to get a "happy birthday Daddy" card for him?!
Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS!! So exciting. And welcome to B and B!
Secondly, I'm sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed, but it's understandable when you lay out all of your concerns. If you consider them one at a time though, they are all a lot less scary than they might seem combined.
RE: You've been drinking - You are not so far along that you need to worry about that. The week after I (unknowingly) conceived my DD I was at a wedding in France and it was non-stop drinking...but my DD was fine. The important thing is that you don't drink too much alcohol from now on, and you aready know that so you've got it covered! NOTHING to worry about.
RE: Folic acid - Again, plenty of people have no idea they are pregnant until 8, 10, 12 weeks along and they are able to have pefectly healthy children. Start taking folic acid now and you'll be fine!
RE: 19 month old - Me too! We should stay in touch because we'll probably face some of the same challenges. When I had DD there was a woman on the same ward who had just had baby#2 and baby#1 was only 4 weeks old when she conceived! If she can do that, we can do this!
RE: Traumatic labour, birth and early days with your 1st. I had a similar experience (4 day labour, back to back, forceps delivery, then we both became ill and had to go to SCBU). I found it all so traumatic that I actually developed post-traumatic-stress. I'm fine now because I made an appointment to see the head-of-midwifery at the hospital where I gave birth and she went through all of my notes with me and talked the entire situation through...it really helped my brain to process what had happened and put a lid on the events instead of reliving them. She was also able to tell me that the things that went wrong were pure chance and there was no reason to think they would happen again. When you see your mw for the first time I highly recommend confiding in her that you are nervous about this labour because you had a difficult first labour - she may well be able to arrange a meeting for you so that you can go through your previous notes and ask the questions you need to ask.
RE: Not knowing you were pregnant this time - every pregnancy is different and having less obvious symptoms this time does not mean that something is wrong. Also, who is going to notice symptoms to the same extent when they are busy getting married, going on honeymoon and have no inkling that they might be pregnant?!
It's obviously come as a shock and it sounds like you just need some time to let it sink in.
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