ok so everytime me and other half are together he hides his phone and puts it on silent. When I was pregnant last time round I found messages between him and another woman he told me I was paranoid and that she was just a 'good friend' it later turned out after I accessed his email a few months later that they were more than that he then admitted that she was an old bed buddy and that he's only talked to her and nothing more but had since cut all contact with her.
He bought a house for us all to have a fresh start and be a proper family a few weeks ago and im due to move in with the kids in six weeks (when the tenancy on my current place ends). So this weekend I was staying there his phone was kept hidden the entire time and on his person on a nite he hid it somewhere downstairs. This obviously made me feel 'paranoid all over again and so today checked his emails again and found more emails from dating sites one where he was advertising his number and asking them to message and he'd definitely reply. He told me they were old sites and hes tried to take himself off them but cant, I stayed calm told him id deactivate the accounts which he said was fine and that I also expected him to stop being secretive with his phone and stop hiding it all the time. He said that he cant live like that and that he wasnt willing to stop being like that with his phone and if I cant trust him now that im not going to trust him no matter what he does and that we might aswell call it a day!!
What would you ladies do and what do you think- my paranoia and hormones?
Or is the way he is acting unacceptable in a relationship??
Replys would be really appreciated feel like im in the wrong and im being too hard on him I just dont know what to do I dont want to give my home up to move in there to find me and the kids homeless in a few months time if I catch him cheating on me or messing about its so so hard...
1st off massive massive hugs hun.Its hard enough being a new mother without all of this going on.He must realise hes hurting you!!!You need to have a good sit down talk to him.If this was my OH id be livid.Why is he hiding his phone???Has he something to hide??Also if there nothing going on its not your fault being like this,he shouldnt be hiding it in the 1st place unless he feels hes something to hide.HUGE HUGS hun xoxoxoxox
I don't think you're in the wrong...I mean...I dunno about going through his phone and emails. I can't say I haven't done that before...but it probably isn't right...but expecting him to not act like he's hiding something from you isn't wrong. I wouldn't in a million years put up with my OH acting like that...if he's hiding it, there's probably a reason...my OH and I leave our phones around and if either one of us started hiding it...the other would know there was something going on.
I know that its not right that I should need to go through his phone or emails but after the last time when he accidently left his phone out after it had been hidden for quite a while and I went through it and found the messages between him and the other woman he gave me his email password so he could prove that he was doing nothing wrong which is when I found the messages between him and the other woman in there(passwords have been changed several times since and it was only since the house has been bought that theyve stayed the same.
It was only when I was there this weekend and he was acting funny with the phone again that I checked his emails again after not feeling like ive needed to for a few weeks. As for checking the phone since the incident last june when I found the messages he has never let the phone out of his sight or indeed in my sight long enough for me to check on it lol
If he hadnt have acted like he did then and now I wouldnt be feeling that id need to check on him but its his unfaithfulness in the past that has caused me to feel this way I dont see why he'd need to hide it if he had nothing to hide?? I never hide my phone I leave it lying around all over the place so why would he feel the need to do this. It kind of reinforces the fact that when I say I want him to stop been secretive with his phone that he tells me that he wont and the relationships over it should make me realise that he really doesnt give a damn how his actions are making me feel anyway
If there is reason for suspect, your womanly instincts are surely right.
My husband (then Boyfriend), had a friend who I also knew. I met him through her, but once I got to knowing him more, I kinda stopped talking to her. When he moved in, I later found out she was jealous about it. He had liked her at some point, but she never liked him in the same way, but later realized he was a good guy. Long story short, she had been texting him, putting doubt in his mind. I would see the cell phone bills and then would check his phone while he slept and finally saw one of the messages she was telling him that he deserved better. Oh the furry. I told him it was either her or me. Simple. I didn't care how long they'd be friends for or how dear of a friend she was. It was her or me. We're now married and he cut her completely out in a matter of days. I even found the text where he told her "Please leave me alone and don't contact me" - and a bunch of missed calls from her and texts from her saying "Hello?" "Why won't you pick up?" "If you don't answer my texts I'm never speaking to you again!" etc. She later sent me a nasty message saying that I was some 'special' (I'm sure she meant it in the meanest way possible LOL) kind of person to make him end a friendship.
Moral of the story: It doesn't matter what his excuse is. You're the mother of his children, the woman sharing his life with; there shouldn't be anyone else.
i have to agree with the other ladies on this...... people only act all secretive when they have something to hide. if he's being defensive about it, good chance there's a reason for it. you are not being overly dramatic here - you have a good reason to be suspicious because of his past, and because of the way he is acting again now. dont let him make you feel like you're in the wrong here.
i leave my phone out, on, all over the place when my oh & i are together, and so does he. if he came up to me tomorrow and asked to go thru my phone & email, i would have no problem with that.........because i have nothing to hide. i would be highly suspicious of anyone acting this way, and you should always trust your gut.
I agree. He's hiding it for a reason. When DH and I first got together he would pull that crap, even broke his cell in half one night so I couldn't read a text this girl sent him. Needless to say I put a stop to it all and our 3 year anniversary is next month, we have a beautiful son who will be 2 in two weeks and a little one on the way. You have to make it stop or it will only get worse. It happened with me and my ex-husband. I wish I hadn't been so dumb back then, but I was only 18 at the time and so naive. I guess that's what makes me so paranoid now.
I agree, if he gets defensive then hes doing something. If your gut tells you something isn't right then it isn't. This is no life for you to live hun, I am not saying leave him but you really need to sit yourself down and think about you and your children
It is such an awful situation to be in, I pray for peace in your mind and heart.
thankyou so much for all your kind comments xx have now said to him that either he changes and stops being so secretive or we walk away as I just cant live like that anymore I had a bloody awful pregnancy the last time round because of all the stress and upset no medical probs or anything but the constant lies drove me crazy and just cant go through that again id rather be alone and happy with my kids I know I was stupid to fall pregnant again after the last time but I really thought it would be different this time round silly I know
Any opinions, advice, statements or other information expressed or made available on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com by users or third parties, including but not limited to bloggers, are solely those of the respective user or other third party. They do not reflect the opinions of BabyandBump.Momtastic.com and they have not been reviewed by a physician, psychologist or parenting expert or any member of the BabyandBump.Momtastic.com staff for accuracy, balance or objectivity. Content and other information presented on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com are not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical or mental health advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com. BabyandBump.Momtastic.com does not endorse any opinion, advice, statement, product, service or treatment made available on the website. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.