I am already having troubles with MIL. Am I being silly? - Page 2

SamsMommy · Mar 31st, 2011, 19:45 PM

Atleast she wants to be involved. I'd love it if my MIL would just call me back and show some interest in her granddaughter.

sunshine623 · Mar 31st, 2011, 19:55 PM

I love my MIL and she's great but that's where I had to put my foot down, too. I'm too nice sometimes, too, so when she got all sad and acted hurt, I reminded her that I wasn't letting MY mom in there, either. I told her my mom would stress me out too bad, so I couldn't have either of them in the room during u/s appointments or delivery. My mom respects boundaries more, so she has no problem with letting it be just me and my DH. Maybe this kinda strategy could help you, too??? Good luck with her, and keep your boundaries up where you want them!

flashy09 · Mar 31st, 2011, 20:03 PM

Just wanted to say I am in Kentucky too!

mommydreamer · Mar 31st, 2011, 20:27 PM

Thanks girl! I'm going to take everyone's advice and put my foot down now. I suppose having a backbone will important from here on out! And Flashy that's great! I live in Lexington at the moment.

stucky · Mar 31st, 2011, 21:40 PM

Yeah, I would be upset too. MIL will never see me that up close and personal lol. (My mom will be lucky to see me that way! I only want DH around for that stuff.) I like my MIL a lot, but she is SO OVERPROTECTIVE of my 3 year old stepson. It's annoying. He has grown over 2 inches in the past year (DH is very tall.. lol) and the other day, she came to pick him up to spend the day with him, and the first thing she says is "Oh Jude, you feel so light!" Like I'm not feeding him! The kid eats more than me, and I'm 12 weeks pregnant! He's getting taller, so of course he looks skinnier! He's losing his baby fat! I think it's just MIL's trying to be like, "Well I'm experienced.." I understand that, but have some boundaries and respect..

Mrs_A · Apr 1st, 2011, 02:00 AM

I think you have a definite right to feel like you do! This is YOUR baby not hers, don't let anyone force you to do anything that you don't want to - this is all about you and your DH & family should respect your feelings & decisions. Stay strong and make sure you get everything that you want from this experience xxx

tweedy · Apr 1st, 2011, 02:28 AM

i would start small, let her know you are not comfortable with her being at the appointment due to the nature of the exam, and tell her perhaps later on down the line. i would leave the big stuff like churches and babysitting till later, as it'll not be an issue for a while and no point alienating her at this stage. in my experience, men are very protective of their mothers, as they are such a big part of their lives, my oh only developed a back bone about his mum when he became a dad and realised that i need him to support me and our family and mil was secondary, ever since his mum has stepped into line and we've have no problems, no point making your pregnancy a battle zone before you need to.

good luck with the appointment and try to enjoy it regardless of all the fuss.

girl19722 · Apr 1st, 2011, 03:20 AM

You need to put your foot down and start as you mean to go on by putting you DH and baby first. I didn't with my DS and I felt like I had to share him with the family, esp MIL, as she was so excited and I regret not putting us first. She'd come round the house with no warning, walk straight in and be there for hours, she'd come in the evenings and disrupt his rountine, constantly telling me what I was doing wrong and what I should be doing, it was a nightmare. When I did put my foot down it led to a massive disagreement with her which I think would have been avoided had I set really clear boundaries from day 1.

Good luck!

Robyn321 · Apr 1st, 2011, 03:40 AM

My dh is very close to his mother too, but I just had to put my foot down over things like the house etc in the past - she used to turn up without warning and stay for days which drove me crazy - and in the end I just had to tell dh that it's our house and while I love my mil I just do things differently to her. Once dh saw how much it was bothering me he had a chat with his mother (better coming from him than me) and sorted things out.

Now that I'm having her first grandchild I am worried that she's going to get so excited that she'll drive me nuts all over again. Luckily I can talk to my mum about it and I've already enlisted her to come and help me in the first few months after baby is born, partly to keep mil at bay! I feel a bit bad but I know I do things very differently to her and the last thing I'm going to need is arguments and getting upset.

So start making boundaries clear now - like not coming to the vaginal u/s (!) - and hopefully it'll make things easier when it comes to other things like church etc.

BeckyBoo · Apr 1st, 2011, 04:33 AM

I'm sorry, but it sounds like to me that you're not going to comprimise anything so that MIL can see the wee one aswell... Sadly you will find out with children that family are every important and that not everything will go your way completely. You shouldn't shoot yourself in the foot as one day you may really appreciate the help.

Mar 31st, 2011, 19:45 PM	#11
SamsMommy Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: US Posts: 114	Atleast she wants to be involved. I'd love it if my MIL would just call me back and show some interest in her granddaughter.

Status: Offline

Mar 31st, 2011, 19:55 PM	#12
sunshine623 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Tennessee, USA Posts: 475	I love my MIL and she's great but that's where I had to put my foot down, too. I'm too nice sometimes, too, so when she got all sad and acted hurt, I reminded her that I wasn't letting MY mom in there, either. I told her my mom would stress me out too bad, so I couldn't have either of them in the room during u/s appointments or delivery. My mom respects boundaries more, so she has no problem with letting it be just me and my DH. Maybe this kinda strategy could help you, too??? Good luck with her, and keep your boundaries up where you want them!

Status: Offline

Mar 31st, 2011, 20:03 PM	#13
flashy09 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: USA Posts: 1,173	Just wanted to say I am in Kentucky too!

Status: Offline

Mar 31st, 2011, 20:27 PM	#14
mommydreamer Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Kentucky Posts: 120	Thanks girl! I'm going to take everyone's advice and put my foot down now. I suppose having a backbone will important from here on out! And Flashy that's great! I live in Lexington at the moment.

Status: Offline

Mar 31st, 2011, 21:40 PM	#15
stucky Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Tennessee, USA Posts: 43	Yeah, I would be upset too. MIL will never see me that up close and personal lol. (My mom will be lucky to see me that way! I only want DH around for that stuff.) I like my MIL a lot, but she is SO OVERPROTECTIVE of my 3 year old stepson. It's annoying. He has grown over 2 inches in the past year (DH is very tall.. lol) and the other day, she came to pick him up to spend the day with him, and the first thing she says is "Oh Jude, you feel so light!" Like I'm not feeding him! The kid eats more than me, and I'm 12 weeks pregnant! He's getting taller, so of course he looks skinnier! He's losing his baby fat! I think it's just MIL's trying to be like, "Well I'm experienced.." I understand that, but have some boundaries and respect..

Status: Offline

Apr 1st, 2011, 02:00 AM	#16
Mrs_A Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: DEVON Posts: 130	I think you have a definite right to feel like you do! This is YOUR baby not hers, don't let anyone force you to do anything that you don't want to - this is all about you and your DH & family should respect your feelings & decisions. Stay strong and make sure you get everything that you want from this experience xxx

Status: Offline

Apr 1st, 2011, 02:28 AM	#17
tweedy Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Northern Ireland Posts: 810	i would start small, let her know you are not comfortable with her being at the appointment due to the nature of the exam, and tell her perhaps later on down the line. i would leave the big stuff like churches and babysitting till later, as it'll not be an issue for a while and no point alienating her at this stage. in my experience, men are very protective of their mothers, as they are such a big part of their lives, my oh only developed a back bone about his mum when he became a dad and realised that i need him to support me and our family and mil was secondary, ever since his mum has stepped into line and we've have no problems, no point making your pregnancy a battle zone before you need to. good luck with the appointment and try to enjoy it regardless of all the fuss.

Status: Offline

Apr 1st, 2011, 03:20 AM	#18
girl19722 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 451	You need to put your foot down and start as you mean to go on by putting you DH and baby first. I didn't with my DS and I felt like I had to share him with the family, esp MIL, as she was so excited and I regret not putting us first. She'd come round the house with no warning, walk straight in and be there for hours, she'd come in the evenings and disrupt his rountine, constantly telling me what I was doing wrong and what I should be doing, it was a nightmare. When I did put my foot down it led to a massive disagreement with her which I think would have been avoided had I set really clear boundaries from day 1. Good luck!

Status: Offline

Apr 1st, 2011, 03:40 AM	#19
Robyn321 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 328	My dh is very close to his mother too, but I just had to put my foot down over things like the house etc in the past - she used to turn up without warning and stay for days which drove me crazy - and in the end I just had to tell dh that it's our house and while I love my mil I just do things differently to her. Once dh saw how much it was bothering me he had a chat with his mother (better coming from him than me) and sorted things out. Now that I'm having her first grandchild I am worried that she's going to get so excited that she'll drive me nuts all over again. Luckily I can talk to my mum about it and I've already enlisted her to come and help me in the first few months after baby is born, partly to keep mil at bay! I feel a bit bad but I know I do things very differently to her and the last thing I'm going to need is arguments and getting upset. So start making boundaries clear now - like not coming to the vaginal u/s (!) - and hopefully it'll make things easier when it comes to other things like church etc.

Status: Offline

Apr 1st, 2011, 04:33 AM	#20
BeckyBoo Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Scotland. Posts: 4,931	I'm sorry, but it sounds like to me that you're not going to comprimise anything so that MIL can see the wee one aswell... Sadly you will find out with children that family are every important and that not everything will go your way completely. You shouldn't shoot yourself in the foot as one day you may really appreciate the help.

Status: Offline

User Name		Remember Me?
Password