So so scared. Need some honest advice please ladies

Lola90 · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:45 AM

So I went to my doctors yesterday after a really stressful day. Amongst other things my boyfriend trashed our dining room and pushed me again. Needless to say I have reached my limit now. My child doesn't deserve that and it's my responsibility to keep us both safe. Ive had cramps for weeks now and it was worse yesterday after being under that stress. I ended up completely breaking down to my doctor and he's very concerned about my stress levels. I have an appointment for a scan at 9.45 tomorrow and I'm terrified. I want everything to be okay. I'm so sad that my now ex won't be there. It wasn't meant to be like this but I know it's the safest thing for him not to be around me.
Has anyone else broken up with their partner while pregnant? Im so scared of doing alone but I'm not silly enough to think its better to stay around him.

chrissbe17 · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:47 AM

Hun I think you are making the best decision for both of you. You can do this, do you have friends or family around? You need that support right now. Hugs

Gabber · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:51 AM

You are very brave for walking away. You are doing the right thing for you and your baby. Taking yourself out of that situation will prevent more stress. Take deep breathes and find someone you trust that you can talk to about this. It's great that you opened up to your doctor too. Good luck at your appointment, I'm sure it'll be ok.

Jelebi · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:52 AM

Everytime you witness this type of behaviour, just visualize your child, standing there and watching all of it. Visualize them the child starting to cry, because he is scared something is going to happen to him/her during your partner's fits... that should be motivating enough for you to walk as far away as possible.
I grew up in an abusive house... I know how it made me feel and I know it's my responsibility as a mother to never put my own children through that.

It's your job to protect your child and do everything in your power to provide a safe and healthy environment.

Lola90 · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:52 AM

My family are amazing. They've said they want me at home and they don't mind for how long. Its good to know I have that support but I suppose I'm just heartbroken that our baby wasn't enough to make him calm down and think about what he's doing. I'm so sad all the time and scared about when he comes home. Nobody can live that way and when I started noticing my pains get worse when he's screaming at me I just realised my baby can't cope with it either. It was so bad last night I've actually started looking into restraining orders just because I'm terrified. He's so unpredictable.

Jelebi · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:55 AM

You can't control other people, you can only control yourself... he chooses to be who he is and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it.
That baby deserves better, but more importantly, YOU have to believe you deserve better.

milly28 · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:55 AM

you poor pet,look you did the right thing,if he has pushed you while you are carring his child then i wouldnt trust him at all,some men just have no outlet for their anger and take it out on those who dont deserve it,i feel for you pet,have you talked to any1 apart from ur doctor?maybe ur mum or sister? Us women are the stronger species so i know you and the little one will do just fine without him around,just be sure and let some one in your family or a friend know whats going on with you,dont be alone xxxbig hugs pet

aliss · Mar 13th, 2012, 09:58 AM

Have you seen the single parents section here? A lot of girls have left their partners when pregnant.

You're making the right decision, unfortunately pregnancy is one of those classic times when domestic violence increases, and it gets worse as time goes on. You should report the incident to the police and get your restraining order.

One thing you need to keep in mind is that if you end up in family court later on after the baby is born, unreported incidents of domestic violence will not be given any credibility. It's just a very common tactic used in custody disputes. So, make sure to cover your bases now.

greenpear · Mar 13th, 2012, 10:01 AM

Hun, I'm so, so proud of you! I know how hard it is to walk away from an abusive relationship - I was in one (before meeting my husband) and it took me 3 times to do it and it was really hard but it was one of the best things that I ever did for myself, because honestly (no exaggeration) I don't think I'd be sitting here today alive and well if I didn't. I'm so sorry he's such an ass and he doesn't deserve to have you and your baby in his life. Leaving him is a really smart decision.

If you are scared right now to be home - are there any shelters around that you could go to or go spend time with family and move your things when he's not in the house? (take a good friend/family relative to help you so that you're not alone)

Lola90 · Mar 13th, 2012, 10:08 AM

I just feel worthless at the moment. I feel like I've made him a monster. He was honestly the loveliest person when I met him. I don't know what happened. He can be manipulative too. He'll cry a lot afterwards and it's all done to guilt trip me. Or he'll do what he did yesterday and then text me asking if I'll meet for dinner like everything is okay.
We're in an odd situation because I'm a student so we live in a house with one of my other friends. He has left the house and is going to stay with his nan and I'm going to stay here as I really don't feel safe leaving my friend here with him so he can go instead.
My dad has said if my ex demands to come back I can go back home so I have options I just want everyone to be safe. I hadn't thought about courts. I should definitely get this recorded by the police. That's another thing I'm so scared and sad for the prospect of fighting over this poor baby

Mar 13th, 2012, 09:45 AM	#1
Lola90 Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: UK Posts: 1,242	So so scared. Need some honest advice please ladies So I went to my doctors yesterday after a really stressful day. Amongst other things my boyfriend trashed our dining room and pushed me again. Needless to say I have reached my limit now. My child doesn't deserve that and it's my responsibility to keep us both safe. Ive had cramps for weeks now and it was worse yesterday after being under that stress. I ended up completely breaking down to my doctor and he's very concerned about my stress levels. I have an appointment for a scan at 9.45 tomorrow and I'm terrified. I want everything to be okay. I'm so sad that my now ex won't be there. It wasn't meant to be like this but I know it's the safest thing for him not to be around me. Has anyone else broken up with their partner while pregnant? Im so scared of doing alone but I'm not silly enough to think its better to stay around him.

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Mar 13th, 2012, 09:47 AM	#2
chrissbe17 Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 460	Hun I think you are making the best decision for both of you. You can do this, do you have friends or family around? You need that support right now. Hugs

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Mar 13th, 2012, 09:51 AM	#3
Gabber Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 529	You are very brave for walking away. You are doing the right thing for you and your baby. Taking yourself out of that situation will prevent more stress. Take deep breathes and find someone you trust that you can talk to about this. It's great that you opened up to your doctor too. Good luck at your appointment, I'm sure it'll be ok.

Status: Offline

Mar 13th, 2012, 09:52 AM	#4
Jelebi Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 340	Everytime you witness this type of behaviour, just visualize your child, standing there and watching all of it. Visualize them the child starting to cry, because he is scared something is going to happen to him/her during your partner's fits... that should be motivating enough for you to walk as far away as possible. I grew up in an abusive house... I know how it made me feel and I know it's my responsibility as a mother to never put my own children through that. It's your job to protect your child and do everything in your power to provide a safe and healthy environment.

Status: Offline

Mar 13th, 2012, 09:52 AM	#5
Lola90 Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: UK Posts: 1,242	My family are amazing. They've said they want me at home and they don't mind for how long. Its good to know I have that support but I suppose I'm just heartbroken that our baby wasn't enough to make him calm down and think about what he's doing. I'm so sad all the time and scared about when he comes home. Nobody can live that way and when I started noticing my pains get worse when he's screaming at me I just realised my baby can't cope with it either. It was so bad last night I've actually started looking into restraining orders just because I'm terrified. He's so unpredictable.

Status: Offline

Mar 13th, 2012, 09:55 AM	#6
Jelebi Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 340	You can't control other people, you can only control yourself... he chooses to be who he is and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. That baby deserves better, but more importantly, YOU have to believe you deserve better.

Status: Offline

Mar 13th, 2012, 09:55 AM	#7
milly28 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Ireland Posts: 272	you poor pet,look you did the right thing,if he has pushed you while you are carring his child then i wouldnt trust him at all,some men just have no outlet for their anger and take it out on those who dont deserve it,i feel for you pet,have you talked to any1 apart from ur doctor?maybe ur mum or sister? Us women are the stronger species so i know you and the little one will do just fine without him around,just be sure and let some one in your family or a friend know whats going on with you,dont be alone xxxbig hugs pet

Status: Offline

Mar 13th, 2012, 09:58 AM	#8
aliss AutoSignup (SAAB) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Québec Posts: 24,431	Have you seen the single parents section here? A lot of girls have left their partners when pregnant. You're making the right decision, unfortunately pregnancy is one of those classic times when domestic violence increases, and it gets worse as time goes on. You should report the incident to the police and get your restraining order. One thing you need to keep in mind is that if you end up in family court later on after the baby is born, unreported incidents of domestic violence will not be given any credibility. It's just a very common tactic used in custody disputes. So, make sure to cover your bases now.

Status: Online

Mar 13th, 2012, 10:01 AM	#9
greenpear Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 4,120	Hun, I'm so, so proud of you! I know how hard it is to walk away from an abusive relationship - I was in one (before meeting my husband) and it took me 3 times to do it and it was really hard but it was one of the best things that I ever did for myself, because honestly (no exaggeration) I don't think I'd be sitting here today alive and well if I didn't. I'm so sorry he's such an ass and he doesn't deserve to have you and your baby in his life. Leaving him is a really smart decision. If you are scared right now to be home - are there any shelters around that you could go to or go spend time with family and move your things when he's not in the house? (take a good friend/family relative to help you so that you're not alone)

Status: Offline

Mar 13th, 2012, 10:08 AM	#10
Lola90 Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: UK Posts: 1,242	I just feel worthless at the moment. I feel like I've made him a monster. He was honestly the loveliest person when I met him. I don't know what happened. He can be manipulative too. He'll cry a lot afterwards and it's all done to guilt trip me. Or he'll do what he did yesterday and then text me asking if I'll meet for dinner like everything is okay. We're in an odd situation because I'm a student so we live in a house with one of my other friends. He has left the house and is going to stay with his nan and I'm going to stay here as I really don't feel safe leaving my friend here with him so he can go instead. My dad has said if my ex demands to come back I can go back home so I have options I just want everyone to be safe. I hadn't thought about courts. I should definitely get this recorded by the police. That's another thing I'm so scared and sad for the prospect of fighting over this poor baby

Status: Offline

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