Hello Everyone,
I'm 30 years old, living in Canada and am now 10 weeks and 4 days in my pregnancy!

Ouf!

Been TTC for 10 years. Was with a stable boyfriend for 9 years and we split up because, to make a long story short, relationship was becoming unhealthy for both of us and it turned out he didn't want to have children, didn't want to go through the process of going to fertility tests, cheated.... so it finally ended.

About 2 months after our break up, he met someone and she become pregnant with triplets. I was devasted. I thought that definitely, I was the one with the fertility problem and could never conceive.

I also suffered endometriosis and was going through a lot of employment/housing instability.

After the breakup, being left with all the bills and expenses on my own and not able to hold a job because the endo was too much to bear at the time, I became an escort for about one year.

Ended that! lol

Went back to school and moved back to the city and got myself an apartment. The absolute worst place ever to live!!! I basically spent 5 months, unable to sleep because of noisy drug addicted neighbors who kept banging their doors and knocking on mine at all hours of the night and day. It was a nightmare. I flunked out of college. Never failed any classes before in my life, even attending university in the past, but I was a zombie throughout the whole thing. I couldnt keep up I was so tired.

Decided I needed a much deserved break from it all. Was depressed about the infertility. Met someone online who offered me shelter on a small island of St Martin. Loved the island! It was my first time ever stepping out of Canada. Spent 4 months there. Turns out boy in St Martin took a liking to me and I did too (At the beginning). But things turned ugly when I realized he was an abusive alcoholic...

To my devastating surprise, I was already about 4-5 weeks pregnant when I realized he wasn't a person to pursue a relationship with. How did it happen, with condoms and being careful around ovulation time? God only knows about that one!!!!

So now i'm back in Canada, with a 10 week bump, homeless (staying with family in the meantime), no job, no father presence and totally dumbfounded as to how, after 9 years of trying to prepare to welcome a baby in my life "the right way", I get preggo in the worst possible circumstances I could think of.

Sometimes, it feels like a dream turned into a nightmare. And I'm really disappointed in myself that I am bringing a child in the world with no father.

I feel already like a failure as a mother. I so badly wanted to have this complete family.

Met my midwife a couple of weeks ago and told her a bit (a shorter version lol) about my story. She said to me: "The Goddess (fertility one that is) has a funny way of bringing us gifts..."

YEAH!!!! No shit! LOL

I'm still in shock that this is all happening right now.

That's the crazy story of my baby to come.
Gosh... I'm really going to need a better story to tell him/her!

Otherwise, looking forward to meet everyone here and getting through this.
I'm a mess, but I try to keep telling myself that for some odd, twisted, sick-joke of a reason, God wants me to have this baby NOW, SINGLE and ALONE!

Please, someone just tell me I'm not the worst mother you've came across... despite everything i am looking forward to motherhood and prayed for this baby for so long, i just can't wait.

Peace to all

Well you obviously have come through a lot and congratulations on your pregnancy it will be hard but pray get into a good church and try your best you can do this!

Ps just because circumstances arent "ideal" doesnt mean its wrong to be super excited!!! Yay for babies!!!!

Being in crappy situations doesn't make you a bad mother. Being a bad mother makes you a bad mother. Lol.

Since you're with family now maybe you can find yourself a decent job or go to a trade school and get a profession for a better job. Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope everything turns out well for you. Maybe God is giving you the chance to turn everything around!

Thanks Charlie!
Job and trade school! With the years after years of having to quit school and go on leave from work, because of the endo, the government is finally saying no-no to any more money for school and employers are looking at me like "why have you had so many jobs you didn't keep?". And with my experience, justifying it with a female issue doesn't get you too far!

I'd been trying to start my business since I was 19 (since endo kinda ruined my life since I was in high school! lol). I haven't been successful at it, because it was always on little money, but this time around, i'm going to have to crack my brains and find a way to make it work now, won't I?

Wow, what a crazy story! I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time.. Congratulations on your pregnancy though It's funny how things work. Things will work out and get better. Congratulations once again! xx

your story made me cry...(hormonal? )...i'm really happy for you. i know it's hard now and you're worried, but i think you're right. there is a reason you got pregnant now and in these circumstances. you're not a horrible mother. you're going to get on your feet and you'll be able to cherish your new gift every day for the rest of your life.

I would say you are a better mother because you did leave the abusive man who could have hurt you and your little one. Be strong this time and I am sure when the time is right you will find another man that will treat you and your child like you deserve to be treated. And you should enjoy the pregnancy you have wanted for so long and be thankful you can have your own child. It's a little blessing in disguise.

I'm sure everything will work out. Congrats again and happy and healthy nine months.

I have been raising my now almost 6 year old son all by myself since he was conceived! I certainly didn't go through everything you went through, but now is your chance to begin a new journey! I have to say, I wouldn't have wanted my son to be raised any other way. When it came to his first words, steps, teeth...everything, I was the one who got to enjoy it all! Now I see him getting good marks in school and being a respectful little man and all I can do is sit back and think "I did this! I made him into who he is!" It's such a great feeling!

It's been hard...VERY hard. He has some issues with acceptance since all of his friends come from two parent homes and he doesn't even really know his father (the fathers choice, not mine). When my youngest goes on visits with his father, my oldest will question why he can't go see his or at least call him. The questions are emotionally trying but given time, I hope he will come to terms with it all.

Take this as a blessing! Just from your story, I can tell you are a strong woman! This baby was given to you at the "right" time no matter how "wrong" it may seem! Years from now, you'll see a reason as to why it happened the way it did!

In the meantime, cherish the moments and have a wonderful pregnancy!!