Say Goodbye to Childless Friends?

Kelly M · Apr 4th, 2012, 17:37 PM

I just found out me and DH are expecting and we couldn't be happier! But, is anyone else afraid they will lose all of their friends who don't have kids yet and are a long way off from having them? My DH and I have four very close friends that probably won't have kids for years from now if at all and I'm afraid we will drift apart once our lo arrives. I know we will find other friends with lo's but our close friends have always been our support and they are fun people we hang out with all the time. I'm not saying they won't be friends with us because we have a baby but it's different when you don't have as much common ground anymore or when our life now revolves around a baby. Anyone else have this happen to them or worried about it?

charlie_lael · Apr 4th, 2012, 17:43 PM

My friends won't be having kids for awhile, but they're so excited about this baby that I doubt I won't hear from them daily. Lol. I think it all depends really.

jenmc226 · Apr 4th, 2012, 17:43 PM

The biggest change with having a baby is that you cannot always do something or go out at the drop of a hat. You have to have things 'scheduled'. So make a point of scheduling visits with your friends. Have a sitter lined up for the baby. Or do a late night movie at your place after baby is sleeping.

You'll still have plenty in common and to talk about. But if you do try to include baby in EVERYTHING you do with your childless friends it may present a problem. Sure there will be times when baby comes along, but make a point of finding adult-only time with them.

aliss · Apr 4th, 2012, 17:47 PM

It will change, that's for sure. As time goes on, when your baby becomes a toddler/kid, things get easier - but baby/no-baby friendships do tend to crash/dip for at least the first few years, IMO. Many people without children simply cannot understand why you are tired at 8pm or why you must schedule a month in advance. That's why it's easier to hang out with parent friends - because you there's usually an unwritten understanding about those things.

gretavon · Apr 4th, 2012, 17:49 PM

Unfortunatly i think it is common for friends to kind of fall away when this happens because your lives are so drastically differant, but if both parties put an effort it def possible to maintian friendships

Cata · Apr 4th, 2012, 17:58 PM

Things will definitely change, but real friends will stick around

I'm on bed rest, my doctor said: you can get up and do things and go to the toilet but don't go crazy. One of my friends called last week to invite me to her bd party I had to decline but I told her how much i would have loved to be with her that day and of course explained what she already knew about my bed rest, she said umm ok that's fine... then she pasted something on my fb wall ( its all foul language so I apologize in advance)

I don't hink she meant it in a bad way but umm yeah, that day I realized not all of my friends will stick around, but that's ok

the real ones will

korndogger123 · Apr 4th, 2012, 18:21 PM

LOL! I actually thought it was kinda cute. (the timing may have been horribly bad/rude though!!)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cata

Things will definitely change, but real friends will stick around

I'm on bed rest, my doctor said: you can get up and do things and go to the toilet but don't go crazy. One of my friends called last week to invite me to her bd party I had to decline but I told her how much i would have loved to be with her that day and of course explained what she already knew about my bed rest, she said umm ok that's fine... then she pasted something on my fb wall ( its all foul language so I apologize in advance)

I don't hink she meant it in a bad way but umm yeah, that day I realized not all of my friends will stick around, but that's ok

the real ones will

Cata · Apr 4th, 2012, 18:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by korndogger123

LOL! I actually thought it was kinda cute. (the timing may have been horribly bad/rude though!!)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cata

Things will definitely change, but real friends will stick around

I'm on bed rest, my doctor said: you can get up and do things and go to the toilet but don't go crazy. One of my friends called last week to invite me to her bd party I had to decline but I told her how much i would have loved to be with her that day and of course explained what she already knew about my bed rest, she said umm ok that's fine... then she pasted something on my fb wall ( its all foul language so I apologize in advance)

I don't hink she meant it in a bad way but umm yeah, that day I realized not all of my friends will stick around, but that's ok

the real ones will

Oh the post def made me lol and it still does

madisonk · Apr 4th, 2012, 20:00 PM

Things do change! I found myself still close to my married with with no kids friends; however VERY distant to my single friends with no children. I do find myself calling my friends with kids more often to get advice on parenting ect. but still calling my close childless friends for relationship advice (although we don't talk much about the kids and for me thats ok)

linz143 · Apr 4th, 2012, 21:19 PM

When my best friend had her LO last September, I made it a point to go visit her (she lives about 50 miles away). This even meant I'd take a friday off from work just to make sure I get to see her every so often. And when she's up in my area, we will get together for breakfast. But we've been friends since we were 2 1/2 so something like one of us with a kid and one without will never stand in our way.

On the other hand, one of my other friends who I see all the time saw a box of tests I left out on the counter (this was months and months ago before I was pregnant) and said, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? ARE YOU TRYING TO GET PREGNANT?? Just so you know, when you have a kid, we're not hanging out anymore, unless you leave the kid at home. I hate kids."

Well at least she was straight up about it I guess. But if I have to ditch my family to hang out with you, you're not worth my time.

Apr 4th, 2012, 17:37 PM	#1
Kelly M Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Austin, Texas USA Posts: 832	Say Goodbye to Childless Friends? I just found out me and DH are expecting and we couldn't be happier! But, is anyone else afraid they will lose all of their friends who don't have kids yet and are a long way off from having them? My DH and I have four very close friends that probably won't have kids for years from now if at all and I'm afraid we will drift apart once our lo arrives. I know we will find other friends with lo's but our close friends have always been our support and they are fun people we hang out with all the time. I'm not saying they won't be friends with us because we have a baby but it's different when you don't have as much common ground anymore or when our life now revolves around a baby. Anyone else have this happen to them or worried about it?

Status: Online

Apr 4th, 2012, 17:43 PM	#2
charlie_lael Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 5,588	My friends won't be having kids for awhile, but they're so excited about this baby that I doubt I won't hear from them daily. Lol. I think it all depends really.

Status: Offline

Apr 4th, 2012, 17:43 PM	#3
jenmc226 Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Wisconsin, USA Posts: 597	The biggest change with having a baby is that you cannot always do something or go out at the drop of a hat. You have to have things 'scheduled'. So make a point of scheduling visits with your friends. Have a sitter lined up for the baby. Or do a late night movie at your place after baby is sleeping. You'll still have plenty in common and to talk about. But if you do try to include baby in EVERYTHING you do with your childless friends it may present a problem. Sure there will be times when baby comes along, but make a point of finding adult-only time with them.

Status: Offline

Apr 4th, 2012, 17:47 PM	#4
aliss AutoSignup (SAAB) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Québec Posts: 24,356	It will change, that's for sure. As time goes on, when your baby becomes a toddler/kid, things get easier - but baby/no-baby friendships do tend to crash/dip for at least the first few years, IMO. Many people without children simply cannot understand why you are tired at 8pm or why you must schedule a month in advance. That's why it's easier to hang out with parent friends - because you there's usually an unwritten understanding about those things.

Status: Online

Apr 4th, 2012, 17:49 PM	#5
gretavon Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: orig.germany now texas Posts: 1,692	Unfortunatly i think it is common for friends to kind of fall away when this happens because your lives are so drastically differant, but if both parties put an effort it def possible to maintian friendships

Status: Offline

Apr 4th, 2012, 20:00 PM	#9
madisonk Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 43	Things do change! I found myself still close to my married with with no kids friends; however VERY distant to my single friends with no children. I do find myself calling my friends with kids more often to get advice on parenting ect. but still calling my close childless friends for relationship advice (although we don't talk much about the kids and for me thats ok)

Status: Offline

Apr 4th, 2012, 21:19 PM	#10
linz143 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: CA, USA Posts: 1,330	When my best friend had her LO last September, I made it a point to go visit her (she lives about 50 miles away). This even meant I'd take a friday off from work just to make sure I get to see her every so often. And when she's up in my area, we will get together for breakfast. But we've been friends since we were 2 1/2 so something like one of us with a kid and one without will never stand in our way. On the other hand, one of my other friends who I see all the time saw a box of tests I left out on the counter (this was months and months ago before I was pregnant) and said, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? ARE YOU TRYING TO GET PREGNANT?? Just so you know, when you have a kid, we're not hanging out anymore, unless you leave the kid at home. I hate kids." Well at least she was straight up about it I guess. But if I have to ditch my family to hang out with you, you're not worth my time.

Status: Offline

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