I think because of my history i'm finding it hard to be positive about this pregnancy. Of course i'm happy i'm pregnant and already so in love with LO but also so scared of history repeating itself.
I'm analysing every tiny pain, every fluctuation in symptoms, absolutely everything! I'm trying to put all my symptoms from my first pregnancy and this pregnancy back to back so i can see what's going on. I know every pregnancy is different but surely they can't vary a huge amount!
I've got loads of symptoms but they vary and fluctuate so much that i dont know where i stand! One minute my bbs are really sore, the next they are fine and i'm bloated, the next i'm completely okay, then i'm falling asleep at work!!! I feel slightly sick first thing but that goes more or less straight away, and then slightly sick after eating and in the evenings but i havent been sick at all and i'm okay with strong smells....
I've taken almost daily tests just to see if they get darker, i'm literally a nervous wreck!
The only time i feel happy and not nervous is when i'm chatting with the one friend who i've told and we are out shopping etc, talking about the baby, what it will look like, who's gonna babysit first etc etc etc. I feel so calm and relaxed. I know it isnt a good thing to think like that and talk like that yet but it takes my mind off things, even just for an hour.
I want to enjoy this pregnancy!!! I need to keep reminding myself that i can have a baby, a full term healthy baby!!! But at the moment i just cant get my head around it, if you know what i mean. I cant see myself being pregnant!!! Even though i am, but i mean i cant see myself going for a 12 week scan and everything being okay, going for a 20 week scan, feeling the baby inside me. I want it so badly, and i want to believe that it can be me but it's so hard.
So many women have babies after miscarriages, so many women are overweight and have babies, so many women have unfortunately been in my situation and in worse and have gone on to have healthy babies, so why can't i just believe it is my turn?!?!
Sorry!!!!! I just needed to get it all out somewhere! My head is spinning! I can't wait for my doctors appointment next thursday. Going to see what he says about an early scan because of LMP being MC, and if i can't have one then i'll get one done privately, they arent hugely expensive, but tbh anything to put my mind at rest......
I've not gone through what you have however just with this pregnancy I've had few hurdles. Even now I'm waiting to see if I'm carrying a healthy pregnancy or whether I have suffered a missed miscarriage. Because of this burden sitting on my shoulders I am finding it very difficult to enjoy this pregnancy which is something I had vowed to do this time round. During my first one I was a bag of nerves throughout it as due to it being my first I was over cautious.
I can totally relate with you. I had a chemical pregnancy in December, just 1 week after I found out I was pregnant. Its the worst thing ever. What makes it worse is that my cousin in law got pregnant around the same time I did and is currently past her 20 week mark. Its horrible when my MIL updates my husband on her pregnancy, like how she found out that she's having a boy. When I heard that she went for a gender scan, I started crying because I felt so sad for myself, not jealous, but self pity. Husband had to console me and said it will be our turn next. Well, here I am now 5 weeks pregnant (I think), and the only thing I can think about when I am awake is my baby.
I told my husband that I will be devastated if I have another miscarriage and will probably hold off on trying. Its funny how most guys have such a calm approach. He's like "oh if you end up getting another mc at least we know there's probably something wrong and you can get tested". Seriously, I wish I can trade places with him for a day.
I symptom spot every day and fortunately, I feel more confident about this pregnancy since I am having a lot more symptoms than I did last time. I call my nurse for every little thing, like why I am not having as much discharge, my temp is lower today etc..I'm trying to stop because I dont want to annoy her.
My pregnancy verfication appointment is in 10 days and hopefully by then, they will see something. Thats when I will be a little bit relaxed.
May I ask how many times you have been pregnant and how many mc you had? Sorry for the long reply!
Can totally relate. You're not alone
I had a loss 2 years ago, I'm terrified of history repeating itself. Next Tuesday will tell me if it's in the right place at least, I'm hoping to them enjoy it more. It's hard to believe it's your turn, but fingers crossed it's all of ours
Aw hon I'm so sorry for your losses
I don't have a history of losses and I had plenty of symptoms first tri, no bleeding or scares or anything...and I was still very anxious the whole time. I was happy and grateful to be pregnant but I wouldn't say that I really enjoyed it.
I just wanted to say that the way you're feeling is not a sign that something is wrong first trimester is really hard, and I can only imagine how much your memories make it harder. I think it's wonderful that talking to your friend about it makes you feel better. Rely on people around you however you can and just take it day by day. You CAN carry a baby to term, as you said it happens all the time to women who have had losses, and once you get past the first trimester the worries may not completely disappear but it will be much easier to enjoy your pregnancy.
I had a mc in August 2011 and it was awful!! I never told no one apart from my partner. I felt like I had to suffer in silence.
When I found out I was pregnant again, we didn't tell anyone to begin with, but it felt wrong to me and the fact I hadn't told people was because for fear of miscarrying again, so I thought sod it... We told everyone! And you know what I've stopped worrying!, I've stopped symptom spotting, googling things etc and I've begun to enjoy my pregnancy.. Makes it all the more enjoyable that both our families talk really openly about our baby... I just don't feel the fear anymore.
Maybes telling people will help you bury that, don't tell people In case you miscarry again burden away.
Sorry to hear about your losses I've been feeling very anxious since my BFP due to a previous ectopic and mc, i went for an early scan for reassurance which put my mind at rest a bit (although they found two hb/fetal poles so now i have two little beans to worry about lol!!) and i also found this old thread that made me feel a bit better;
Nothing has stopped me worrying completely, however i been trying to relax more by watching my fave films/reading/listening to music, treating myself more with fave foods etc, it probably sounds silly but it's helped lots! xx
I feel the same way, I miscarried in January and am so scared for it to happen again. Of course, I am so excited for a baby, but when I found out I was crying just remembering the stress/sadness of losing our first. Plus, having found out so early - it feels like it will take FOREVER to actually feel like I am pregnant and even get to the point that I was at before...
Here's for hoping! I don't want time to fly but am hoping for a quick first trimester so I can get to my scan. We decided not to go in for one until at least 10 weeks, so I have a long way to go...
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