Support thread for all the atheist, agnostic, non-religious, and secular humanists

Originally Posted by pbl_ge

The circumcision thing--oof! It's such controversial stuff anyway, but do you really think your mom will carry through on that threat? I'd always felt that the circumcision thing should be decided by the dad, if there is one, because it's definitely out of my area of expertise.

I definitely do not think she'll follow through with it. She's not that crazy, she just pretends to be. She'll make remarks, but I'm pretty good at ignoring them now. She's going to be too happy to have a grandson to not want to be around him and babysit him. It will be her first grandchild, and the others probably will not come for a while. My sisters will probably be single for a long while and my brother's fiancee does not want to start having kids for another 8 or so years (she wants to wait until 30 to "ruin her body" as she puts it).

DH and I are both atheist/agnostic - it's just not that relevant to us or our lives. We married in a beautiful civil ceremony 7 years ago and I'm pregnant with number two. Our families don't really have religion as part if their lives although DH's grandma (who has passed) had DH secretly baptised against his mothers wishes! Outrageous behaviour!

Sorry to be controversial but I disagree with the poster who said circumcision is the fathers decision, in their circumstances - I just don't understand how something as serious as surgery isn't a joint decision whether religion comes into it or not. I personally wouldn't dream of giving a baby a procedure like that unless it was medically necessary although I do appreciate that things are very different in the USA. Sorry if it sounds harsh but I think as his mother it's your duty to have an opinion and an informed opinion at that.

I agree ellieb. I wouldn't leave it up to my husband. I asked him what his thoughts were on circumcision and he just kind of shrugged and said that he was circumcised, but I think in his case it was medically necessary. I told him I didn't want to do it unless it was necessary and he agreed.

I think fewer and fewer people are doing it all the time, because people are realizing they don't have to do it.

I totally respect your disagreement. Here's my thinking: There are a lot of compelling arguments on both sides of the circumcision debate, including substantial potential health benefits (http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/fac...rcumcision.htm). Of course, there are also nontrivial health risks. Additionally, I've known U/C men who had lifelong shame and stigma for looking different than other young men, such that they even considered adulthood circumcision. OTOH, I've known men who harbored deep rage that their most private parts were "mutilated" without their knowledge or consent within days after their birth.

Based on this mixed evidence, I didn't and don't feel strongly enough to take a strident stance either way, and I had always assumed that my partner would have a stronger opinion, given his personal knowledge of the subject. As it happens, my OH does have a strong opinion, and we will not be circumcising.

I'm sure it varies from husband to husband but I know that my husband would 'just shrug' too! That's why I wouldnt leave it to him! Well done for knowing your own mind and being prepared to stand up to your family - religion isn't an issue for us but I'm sure there are other areas where our families would love to stick their noses in but i think most of them know better than to try it!

I haven't listened to the podcast but it's an area close to my heart. My incredible mother passed away 7 years ago (1 week before my wedding) and it made me question things a lot because religion must be such a source of comfort at those times. My personal feelings now is that there is potentially more to life than we actually know but I can't convince myself of a god no matter how hard I try!

Pbl - it won't let me thank you but the thought is there! If my DH had a strong opinion then I would probably be prepared to let him decide alone. I misinterpreted what you originally said as 'I'm not fussed' but you clearly have considered the subject and decided you don't know. Totally fair enough!

No worries! I think it's the first time in my life that anyone has ever accused me of not having an opinion, so it kinda made me happy, in a weird way.

There's just so much about this whole parenting journey that is difficult, particularly for those of us who don't start with specified cultural or religious framework, and I'm frankly flummoxed by a lot of the decisions we'll have to make. Part of the point of this thread, actually! Pregnancy, parenting, and childbirth just seem so political and charged these days, and there's soooooooo much judgment! I just want a space to discuss and be supportive of independent thinking.

Anyway, .

Hi all! OH considers himself a Christian but doesn't practice and I'm an agnostic. We are expecting our first child.

No one has really made any comments to us about not being married and not planning to have the child christianed but I know MIL disagrees with our choices. She wanted us married before we lived together actually but that would have been absolutely rediculous considering OH and I had only dated long distance prior to living together. How in the world could you feel good about marrying someone that you only saw on weekends?

Don't get me wrong, we do plan to get married but we don't see it as a top priority like other people might. We know we are 100% committed to each other and really our relationship isn't going to change by getting married so we'll do it when it's right for us.

As for doing a christianing, I strongly believe all religious decisions should be left up to the individual and I feel like doing a christianing on someone who can't consent to it isn't right. But that's just my opinion. I think it probably helps that my parents gave both my sister and I the freedom to find what religion or lack of religion works for us rather then telling us what religion to believe.

As for the circumcision debate, I'm in the US and that just seems the norm to me. I've always just assumed we would do it. But I figure that will be something OH and I will have to figure out if we find out we are having a boy. Right now I don't feel it's that necessary to stress about all that stuff that may not even be relevant iykwim?

Yeah it's a bit different in the UK as boys are not routinely circumcised as they have not found good grounds to do it so most men are left intact! They are only removed for religious reasons (Judaism and Islam) or if they got an infection or any problems with their foreskin. So it wouldn't even be on my radar to have a little boy circumcised, it seems a bit barbaric to me personally but I know in some places it is the cultural norm... although so is female circumcision in some places :-/.

DH has all his bits and I don't think he would be without them (you know how protective men are of their winkies!). Interesting thoughts though. I suppose if we lived somewhere where it was normal not to have one then it might be different. The health risks are grossly exaggerated, I have to say I thought it was always so the US doctors could make more money as healthcare is private! X

Although I have a feeling I'm team pink anyway! Lol xx