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Old Aug 16th, 2013, 05:49 AM   1
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3

A little long...advice needed please!

Hi everyone,

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with a little boy. I had an amazing pregnancy up to now, very easy and fun.

My husband and I have been waiting a long time for this baby as my sister in law and myself started a business together 3.5 years ago. A few month before we actually opened the business, my sister in law announced she was pregnant. She wasn't planning it, but wasn't wearing protection either. I didn't know she was even thinking about kids and I was a little stressed to be left alone to start everything, but then again, I was so happy for her and excited to have a niece. She was on maternity leave for the first year.

When she came back, I was exhausted and happy to be back on track. When I felt the business was following a good track, I let her know my husband and I were going to try for a baby. She started crying and told me she was so happy for us because she knew what she put me through the first year and wanted to make it up to me a million times. I got pregnant about 2-3 months after.

Then a couple weeks ago, she announced to my husband and I she was pregnant again. She said it was kinda of an accident, but that they weren't using protection. She said her husband and herself really wanted a second child and that I couldn't understand because I don't have children. She then said that when she found out I was pregnant, she was so envious and cried everytime she had her period.

I can't help but feel frustated and angry. It's really hard because as family, I'm thrilled my little boy will have more cousins and a baby is always a blessing. I feel like I can't really trust her and I have difficulty being with her.

The thing is, we live in the same house (2 separate appartements), we work together and she is my sister in law. I see her everyday and used to spend almost 85% of my time with her. I babysat her daughter a lot, and helped them all the time with the baby. I've been working two jobs and 60-80 hours week for the past 3.5 years. I just feel I gave her so much and cared for her so much. She told me it was my turn but I don't think she meant it. It hurts me a lot.

I feel like I need to step away from our friendship for my own sake because I'm so frustrated. I don't want my baby to feel all this negative emotions and I don't want her baby to feel them either.

Do you think I'm being selfish if I think of her only as a colleague & sister in law for a while? I just can't seem to shake it off....

Thank you for reading this super long post and your feedback is very much appreciated.


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Old Sep 21st, 2013, 09:20 AM   2
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 34
Congrats on your pregnancy and your up-coming arrival!!! I'm sure your Sister in law didn't mean to hurt you.... she was just wasn't thinking about the business at all. Is there a way you can down-size/part-time your job so you still keep your name out there and drum up some business but then you do a little from home or hire somebody else? Kids are little for a short-time and soon they are going to be in school..... The reproductive years is hard to really build your career if you want a family (and your SIL and yourself are probably both in the same boat). I would probably just forgive her and think she is family and cousins come before work/money.... When the little ones really start playing with each other I'm sure you'll be happy you didn't let this get in the way...

Unless (of course) you don't like to be her friend/collegue in which case maybe working together and seeing her as a friend isn't the best plan (then you'd just treat her with respect like any other family member and see her at holidays )

Sorry I can't be more help.... the company I work for lost 3/6 employees to mat. leaves in the same year. They weren't happy about it BUT they made due for the short time (ea. mat leave was 1 year) and now everything is just fine....

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