I'm hoping for some advice regarding my mom. To set the stage, here's some background info: She was a maternity nurse for several years while I was growing up, and while this is not her first grand baby it is her first by me... and I'm the daughter that only lives 40 minutes away instead of across the country. Also, I have a very different relationship with my mom than my sister does, and I am not as open about my body as my sister is.
That said, here is what I (and my husband) have been dealing with. First, I think she's somehow jealous of, or feels in competition with, my mother in law. Even though I invited my mom over to help me refinish the dresser for the nursery and help me pick colors, she wants to paint the room instead of my MIL (who offered even before I was pregnant). And when I told her that my MIL offered to make me new cushions for my rocking chair, my mom offered to make curtains. She doesn't offer to help with original ideas - it's always similar to what my MIL has already offered to do.
Second issue, and this is the bigger one, is her total lack of reserve. I have no idea how to tell her not to grab my belly and start singing to it while I stand there awkwardly and my dad says how embarrassing it is for everyone else (which she just dismisses). And even though she knows I don't want anyone but my husband in the delivery room with me she still keeps saying how she'd "be in the corner," and I "wouldn't even know [she] was there." Once she seemed to finally accept it but still insisted that she and my aunt be allowed in immediately after. She said she wants to be the one to help me get the baby to latch, and in front of my husband was talking about how she would be able to help the staff know when I'm ready to push. Just awkward! Hubby and I don't want anyone in there with us, I want a staff member to help me with nursing if necessary, and we want some alone time with just us to bond with our new son before the masses swarm in to take him out of our arms. At this point we just smile and stare blankly when she says these things and then plan not to tell anyone when I go into labor - just wait until we're good and ready to have visitors before we say anything at all.
As a final example: I see my mom periodically in person, while I never get to see my sister because she lives in CA while I'm in NY. I texted a photo of my bump to my sis since she's devastated that she can't be with me throughout my pregnancy. A couple days later my mom texts me that she wants to see the bump, complete with the crying emoji. A little dramatic for someone who just spent over 3 days with me 2 weeks ago.
Have any of you had similar experiences? How have you dealt with your situations? I still have 19 weeks to go and would like the remaining wait to be pleasant for all of us. Many thanks!
I can't offer much advice, but I can totally relate.
For me it's the future MIL that's the issue. Totally overbearing....very similar to what you're describing. My godmother is even WORSE. I have no relationship with her (literally haven't seen her in 20 years besides the baby shower) and she told me...TOLD ME...she will be at the hospital waiting outside the delivery room if not allowed in.
Just stick to your guns and don't let her push you around. That's what I'm trying to do. I feel like because it's your mom you can put her in her place. I can't really do that with my boyfriend's mom
At the end of the day it's about us and our babies...no one else. Some people forget that. Especially the baby crazy people.
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