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Old Jul 11th, 2012, 05:12 AM   1
Sakura_Saku
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Going a little crazy here. Hope it's ok to vent.


Hello all!

I'm new to this particular part of this forum because I started off in TTC with some not very happy stories, until I discovered about two weeks or so ago that I'm pregnant!

So the whole week after that, I found myself extremely bloated and sensitive, but now that's kind of subsided, and instead I find my body to be...almost eerily quiet. This is just the end of week 6 for me in a few days. I have a 6cm intrauterine fibroid to contend with, so that's been making my lower back ache, but other than that, no cramps and the bloating has almost altogether stopped...for now. Yesterday I became pretty tired and felt better after a nap, but....Today has been very different, and I just need a friend.

I'm in Japan, so most of my usual support system back in the US are asleep for the next several hours, my husband is at work for the next several hours, so I'm alone at the moment and feel like I'm just about to crack up.

I went out this morning for a nice long walk on a hot morning that ended up clouding up nicely and cooling off some so I could watch and videotape a local summer festival start up. When I say long, I mean it was maybe about 30 minutes each way, so I guess not that long, but on a hot day...hmm, I guess it can seem longer. I had a nice, cool bottle of water with me for when I needed it, but I've been having to pee so often the last week, I drank from it sparingly, when I started to feel thirsty. I stayed at the festival, mostly standing around, for about 3 hours, then walked back home. I felt fine, but hot and tired (and starving because by then it was lunch time), so I made myself some lunch and proceeded to try to lie down for a nap. For whatever reason, I felt too uncomfortable to fall asleep, or even get into a comfortable sleeping position, so futzed around online for a few hours. Nothing was working, so I went across the street to satisfy my craving for potato chips. That did the trick. I managed to get to sleep after that for a few hours.

Suddenly, though, I was awakened by a loud noise that sounded like someone had broken into our house! There have indeed been break-ins in the neighborhood in the last few years. My heart started racing, and I looked out the window down to the street where I could see some boys hanging around in my garage. One of them looked like they had thrown something into my garage, and I thought maybe they had been throwing rocks, so I quickly put a jacket on (it was boiling and humid out, but I wasn't exactly dressed to go outside since I'd been napping, so a jacket was the best I could do in a pinch), and stormed downstairs to confront them. They were probably somewhere between 10-13 years old, sitting, for whatever reason, in my driveway, playing their DSs. This was the first time. When I came out the front door, I surprised them, and they greeted me just on impulse. I greeted them back, but then quickly asked if something had happened in my garage. They looked at me in a sort of puzzled way, and seemed shocked that I had asked them in Japanese (honestly...they're kind of rude and not very well educated. We don't live in the nicest of neighborhoods, and sometimes it shows). I ignored the question, and proceeded to start searching around in my garage to see if I could find whatever made the noise. I don't...think...I was storming about angrily, but at the same time, I wasn't exactly thrilled to see 3 boys on my driveway, having just jolted me out of a much needed nap by making some kind of horribly loud noise...Then I just checked my mail calmly and went back into the house.

Well, wouldn't you know, now I feel bad about it.
Not only bad - terrified. I'm terrified that they're going to go and tell their parents that I'm some kind of witch who accused them of something and chased them off my property. Unfortunately, Japanese neighborhoods can be bad in that once gossip starts spreading - even if it's not true - it can make life very hard for you. I'm scared that this stupid little reaction of mine is going to have bad repercussions, and I feel ashamed that I even came out of the house. I think under normal (as in non-raging hormonal) circumstances, I probably would just have kept monitoring what they were doing out the window, and not come out at all, but I couldn't help myself. I was pissed, and wanted to know what the noise was. Truthfully, I didn't even accuse them of anything, I literally said what would translate in English to "Did something happen here?" "Was there something here?" and then brushed off their stupid question about whether I could speak Japanese (it wasn't asked in a polite way anyway). That annoys me, actually, from anyone. I've lived here long enough to be able to get by, even if I'm not fluent, so when I'm in the right mood, I get annoyed by ignorant people thinking I must not know a lick of the language, since I'm a foreigner.

So now it's a few hours later, and I'm a wreck. Just sitting her being angry and occasionally crying. Part of me wonders if it's sunstroke from this morning's outing because I do also have a mild headache, but then I wonder if it might be morning sickness coming on, because I haven't had any at all yet. I'm in an absolute rage, and feel completely out of control, but I'm just sitting here at my table typing through it. I suspect this might even be strictly hormonal, because yesterday I was suddenly nearly paralyzed with fright at the thought of something being wrong with our baby (my husband and I are both 38). Fear of taking the dangerous tests, the tests coming back with some kind of horrible defect that would force me to terminate, and then having to deal with the pain of going through a termination and lord only knows how many weeks along. All that crap just came to my mind and flooded me with fear.

...I guess I just need to ask - is anyone else going through this? Have any of you before? I don't really have anyone else to ask, since most of my friends had their kids years ago (I even have a son, but that was years ago, too, when I was much younger and most likely in much better shape physically and emotionally!). I don't remember becoming so full of fear and rage, and I'm not sure how to ground myself and stop worrying about this stupid incident today with the boys. I've tried hard not to make a nuisance of myself in this neighborhood, and am usually pretty quiet around here...I fear I've ruined everything for us.

Just reaching out....Wondering if any of you can relate, or might be willing to reach out to me, or might have even made it to the end of this novel of a post...I get long-winded, and I'm sorry for that. I thank in advance anyone who might be able to reply!



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Old Jul 11th, 2012, 13:55 PM   2
Seity
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That must have been very scary. Especially being jolted out of sleep like that. It's sounds like you're body is simply reacting to the stress of the whole situation and the hormones from being pregnant.
Try not to worry about your neighbors since you can't really control how anyone is going to react at this point.
I had to take a first aid class today the the pregnancy hormones had me fighting the urge to tear up when the video had people talking about using CPR to save someone's life. It's just silly and nobody at work knows I'm pregnant yet, so I would have looked absolutely ridiculous.



 
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Old Jul 11th, 2012, 13:57 PM   3
Lulu
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It's probably just hormones to be honest Especially being woken up from a deep sleep. It sounds like you got a fright and did your natural impulse to find out what it was. Also if you are in your home alone it probably freaked you out a little. I would probably have done something similar. We sometimes have kids hanging about outside our house as we are on the corner of a junction with a side street and I drives me mad, I've confronted a few who have tried to take a shortcut through our garden or just hanging out in our driveway. I get very protective of my 'area', especially when pregnant.

At the moment I'm not too bad mood swing wise but I certainly have my moments! At times I really feel for my poor husband as I can be really moody and lose the plot over the silliest things (and I'm just coming up 7 weeks

Hope you are feeling better now



 
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Old Jul 11th, 2012, 13:57 PM   4
Lulu
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double post!



 
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Old Jul 11th, 2012, 20:42 PM   5
Sakura_Saku
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Seity and Lulu, thank you both for your kind replies!

Yesterday was pretty rough, though it's now morning on Thursday, and I'm feeling a little better. When my husband came home, I told him what happened and he said he thought I handled it right. The difference between my asking the kids if something had happened instead of outright accusing them of something was the key, so he didn't seem bothered by it, which went a LONG way to helping me recompose myself. I've just been so careful to not be an unwelcome stranger in our community, I was terrified that I would end up becoming the Boo Radley around here!

I've also just revealed to our neighborhood leader that I am pregnant (but kind of high risk) this morning, so that might help keep communication lines open. I had to tell her because I was expected to help in a festival this weekend, but the weather is so hot now, I'm worried about overheating for hours at a time with no shade in the sun for two days, let alone the occasional discomfort from the fibroid that can make it hard to walk or stand for too long. I'll be sad to miss helping out this year, but she was very nice and invited me to bring the baby along next year this time to do participate! Here's praying that it all turns out right!

I thank you both for taking the time to read my novel. I'm sorry I was so long-winded. I'll try to keep coming posts shorter, but I'm really grateful that you replied! I'd like to hang around here more often!



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Old Aug 5th, 2012, 23:30 PM   6
Peggy O
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I kept catching the same kid in my driveway doing goofy little kid stuff (started with hanging out/poking around...then progressed to tipping flower pots, moving our house for sale sign) So definitely keep an eye on things! Who cares what it looks like, it is your property. I made this guy clean up the mess, then I marched him home and told grandma what he had done, and what I did about it. I may be the neighborhood witch now, but no more broken flowerpots



 
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