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Old Mar 8th, 2015, 04:16 AM   1
Starlight34
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Dealing with other people's opinions


Hi ladies. I am 34, but will be 35 when I have my first baby this July. My DH is 39. Until now, I was not ready or at a time in my life to have a baby. I wanted to establish a career and have the opportunity to travel a bit, which I did. We have had several people, including DH's family, tell us we shouldn't have waited so long, and that we are going to be too old. These are all people who had their children in their late teens, early twenties. I don't know how to respond when people say things like that. Everybody's life circumstances are different. I don't feel it's fair to be judging and commenting on it. Has this happened to any of you? If so, how did you respond?



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2015, 12:05 PM   2
DJ79
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It's not appropriate for them to say anything! I am 36 and 18w pregnant. We are now considered pretty normal don't they know??? The best response is just to say I like to do things differently, or this way suits us, or that you wanted to establish your life and make sure you were financially and emotionally secure before you started a family.... Or there is always just the 'what's it got to do with you?' response? xxx



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Old Mar 8th, 2015, 12:59 PM   3
tulip1975
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I'm pregnant with my first at 39, and when people ask me if I'm going it have another - I tell them I'll be too old. They think I'm crazy. Go figure.

No one ever comments on my age unsolicited. It's inappropriate.

Obviously you didn't wait too long, or you wouldn't be pregnant now. If you respond, tell them as much and and tell them what you said here - you wanted to build your career and travel -- maybe you wanted those things so that you could build your child a good foundation and get past working crazy hours climbing the career ladder and move into a position where more flexibility is given.



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2015, 15:02 PM   4
Starlight34
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Exactly. I wanted to be in a career that I don't despise. That wouldn't have been possible if I had children younger, or would have been much more difficult. It's funny, because one of the people who commented negatively on my age had a son who got his girlfriend pregnant at 18. You can't tell me that was a better situation.



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2015, 15:46 PM   5
pansorie
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The only negative comments about my age have been from me, in jest. My friends and family are so 100% supportive, I am really fortunate. But I don't think many people are clear on exactly how old I am, anyway, lol (36 years).



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2015, 19:16 PM   6
StaceyM
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I'm not even sure how 34 is considered 'old'. I'm pretty sure you are ridiculously normal. I'm 39 with my first, and like another poster mentioned, I'm the only one who tends to disparage myself for being too old. Now granted most people assume I'm in my late 20s because I inherited my mother's Asian youth genes but still... 34 may be too old for some people to have kids, but not for you. They can decide if it's too old when thinking about their own bodies and pregnancies, but you made the decision that it wasn't too old for your body and life. Anyone can judge you for anything if they want to. Do their opinions matter so much? What have they done that makes them so much wiser than you? Good luck with your pregnancy. If you are happy and in a good place, then you made the right decision.



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Old Mar 8th, 2015, 21:30 PM   7
Scout
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Umm, 34 is young! I had my first at 46 and I've only got a few half joking comments about how old I'll be when my daughter is in high school. I always say, 'I know. I'm so lucky and blessed to have her in my life."

I really think it's ridiculous that anybody would comment about someone in their mid 30's being too old to have a baby. I'd just tell them that this is the exact right time in both yours and your husbands life to have a child. You planned it this way. It's perfect.



 
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Old Mar 11th, 2015, 17:12 PM   8
hivechild
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There's nothing and no reason to justify your choices.

"Husband and I are very excited about this next chapter in our lives and everything that's to come." *smile* "Could you pass the salt, please?"



 
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Old Mar 17th, 2015, 20:57 PM   9
Serenjay
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your babies compared to me.. im a Mamasaurus.. im 42



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2015, 12:17 PM   10
julesjules100
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Totally insensitive thing to say. I would either take a whole "I beg your pardon? What does it have to do with you?" stance or if its family and you can't be that rude then when anyone says you're too old I would say "That's extremely helpful and supportive, given I can't go back in time.... A really sensitive thing to say" Honestly. People.

I was 37 when I had my first and I'm currently trying for my second. DH and I have a gorgeous house and I have had a successful career in finance. These things would have been much further behind if I had had children early. Yes there are downsides to having waited until I was older but we are where we are x



 
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