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Im so sorry you are having such mixed feelings. Obviously, you are not too old, that is just a mindset, but I can understand why you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed and having mixed feelings. Also, while your BMI may not be what is considered ideal, there are many women who are of ideal weight who have complications and then those who are considered overweight who go on to have healthy babies - you just never know, just be sure to get good prenatal care and monitoring should you decide to continue. And your other children are at an age where they should certainly understand and support you in whichever you decide. As an older new mom myself (41) I can relate to many of your hesitations, but in the end you have to see this as a blessing, especially considering your recent history of miscarriages.

While I have no advice on what avenue you should take, I wish you the very best and may you make the best decision for you and for your family.

Thank you so much for replying. Your baby is just gorgeous!
I was almost scared to read your reply incase you thought badly of me. Did you really have some second thoughts during your pregnancy? I am hoping hormones are playing a big part as I have been crying a lot lately over ridiculous things. My hubby works away also and at the moment he is the only one apart from you guys who knows about the baby so I feel I have to keep all these worries in my head.

Thank you for the nice compliment! I had second thoughts for the first few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, only because we had tried unsuccessfully for 8 years (and had a miscarriage), and because I had endometriosis, was told I likely would not ever carry to term. And then we started to adopt a baby from China a few years back and the wait was so long that we 'gave up', thinking that a baby just wasn't meant to be for us. Then last summer my DH started to talk early retirement and moving to another location and.....then we got pregnant! So, while, my second thoughts were of a different nature than yours may be, I do think the hormones played a huge part in it. They always say life happens when you are busy making other plans, and after a few weeks turned to a few months and all was going well with my pregnancy I couldn't imagine having it any other way. Im a firm believer that although you may not understand why life is going a certain way at a certain time everything happens as it should. But only YOU know deep down (if you can sort through the hormones), what is best for you.

Hormones do play a huge part in how you are feeling. In my case the baby wasn't planned at all.....it was definitely an "oooops" moment. I have a 13 yr old girl and a 10 yr old boy so had completed my family. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions too, I didn't want another baby, life had become so easy having a bit of freedom again, but now I wouldn't change it for the world ( a bit late.....he he).
You have to go with your heart - I'm sure you are just feeling anxious due to your history and suspect you don't want to become too attached just in case. As soon as you start feeling that baby kick though all thoughts will disappear. We will all be here to help you on your journey whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best. X

Thank you ladies for your replies. You girls really do talk a lot of sense. I was very emotion when I types the original post. I just needed to get it out in the open I think. I have had a good cry and am feeling calmer. It's very very reassuring to hear I'm not the only one with any doubts and that maybe they are normal. I think I thought there must be something wrong with me that I wasn't totally elated and excited to be pregnant again after the losses. Truth is I am trying hard not to invest emotionally into this pregnancy yet.
Thank you!! I have deleted original post so not to offend anyone my my hormonal panicking outburst!!