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Old May 14th, 2012, 11:49 AM   1
Annab428
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How can I get my boyfriend to be more involved in my pregnancy?


I'm 14 weeks pregnant with my first child, and I feel really alone. I would love to have some help and support from my boyfriend. I have been sick every morning for the past couple of months and he just ignores it and sleeps until 10 or 11am. I sleep alone every night because he stays up all night on the computer. We haven't had sex at all since we found out I'm pregnant. He hasn't even touched me and it's causing me to feel really unattractive. I had my first ultrasound last week and I had to go alone because he was working. I have another ultrasound in 2 weeks and I kept asking him to request off that day but he wouldn't do it and now he's working until 8 that night. I'm very happy about being pregnant, but it doesn't seem like he is. Is this common with first time fathers? Is there anything I can do to make him happier and more involved? I have tried talking to him about it but he doesn't seem interested at all.



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Old May 14th, 2012, 12:06 PM   2
auntylolo
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My hubby is a first time f-t-b and he is not like this.
Honestly, he needs to buck his ideas up. What does he expect will happen when baby comes? He can sleep in til 10 or 11 and keep playing xbox or whatever til the early hours of the morning?
Have you asked him how he feels about becoming a father and explained how you feel?



 
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Old May 14th, 2012, 12:25 PM   3
Nicole1
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You really need to have a proper serious talk with him, where you's both tell eachother how you's feel & whats bothering you's. Him going to the next scan would be ideal if he could somehow get his shift at work changed. Seeing my OH's face at the scans is a beautiful experience, being able to see that he's as happy as I am is so nice & it would be lovely if you could get to see that too with your OH. I hope he bucks his idea's up, this should be the happiest time in both of your lives so its not nice that he's acting in that way. All the best! xx



 
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Old May 14th, 2012, 12:27 PM   4
xxxjessxxx
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Both what the other ladies have said is right. Have a talk and let him know he needs to buck his ideas up.. best of luck xx



 
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Old May 14th, 2012, 13:20 PM   5
Wandering
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My boyfriend is exactly the same! Ive had 3 scans so far and he didnt bother to come to 2 of them and the last one he came too he just spent all his time on his phone rather than looking at the screen. And whenever i talk about babies he just rolls his eyes or goes really quiet and its been making me miserable. Ive tried everything to get him to be more enthusiastic even offering for the baby to have his surname even though i always wanted s/he to have mine.
But ive given up trying now.. Iv told him we need some space so he can figure out what he wants.
I read about women on hear whose husbands or OHs are so supportive and it makes me so jealous



 
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Old May 14th, 2012, 14:07 PM   6
Annab428
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Thanks everyone. I have told him my feelings many times but he always dismisses everything I say like it doesn't matter. I have been trying to figure out how to get him to grow up, but I'm starting to think it will never happen. There is so much more to the relationship that's causing me to be overly stressed. He only works part time and we're paying our midwife out of pocket. I don't make nearly enough to pay it all myself, so I have been borrowing money from my dad. I hate to borrow money but I just don't know what else to do because he won't get a second job. I agree that this should be a really happy time in our lives, and I am happy about the pregnancy, but it's hard for me to be happy in general when I'm so lonely and stressed out. My mother has never been a big part of my life and my sisters all moved away. My dad is helping me the best he can, I just really wish I had more support from my boyfriend.



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Old May 14th, 2012, 14:12 PM   7
Annab428
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Wandering, I'm sorry you're going through the same thing! My boyfriend doesn't want to talk about the baby either. I really don't know how he can act like this. His dad abandoned him when he was a baby and he has always told me that he could never do anything like that to his child. Yet it already seems like he's on the same path. I can't stand the thought of being a single parent but it may be my only option. We've been living together for 5 years though, and we have a mortgage so it would be really hard for me to get out of it.



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Old May 14th, 2012, 14:29 PM   8
mixedbeautyx
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I remember posting a similar ad when I was in first tri. My boyfriend told me from the beginning he didn't feel the need to come to any of the scans and he still feels this way to this day! It is very annoying and frustrating. Luckily, he has came to every single scan! Plus the private gender scan and also plans to come to our 4d scan. Guys just take longer to come around to the parenting idea, we are moms from the time we conceive!

I know you've tried talking to him, but perhaps try again? And be firm. That's what got my boyfriend to listen and be around. He is very excited for our son. If he keeps ignoring your feelings and not putting in effort I feel like maybe you should definitely take some space apart. Not sure if you planned your pregnancy or not but even if you didnt its still his child and he should still want and try to be involved at all times!

Hope it gets better for you xx



 
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Old May 14th, 2012, 14:43 PM   9
korndogger123
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The only thing you can do is talk to him. Chances are if that doesn't work, you aren't going to be able to change him. He will have to come around on his own, and in the meantime you are going to have to just do right by you and the baby. Maybe ask a close friend to go with you to your appts, and ultrasounds.
And if you talk to him, let him know that behavior (staying up, sleeping in) will not be acceptable after the baby comes (unless he wants the late night shifts of feedings and changings!) and stick to your word after the baby comes.

I'm sorry if that wasn't very helpful!



 
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Old May 14th, 2012, 14:50 PM   10
Charlie5
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Don't know if its any help but I have a friend whose BF (but now hubby) was also the same, not interested at all, not bothered etc etc but when the baby was born he did the biggest U turn ever and within a year or two he was pressing to have another! Maybe some men can't get their head around things (and I am sure most certainly don't understand what pregnant ladies go through) until baby is here and then it more "real" for them? Dunno just a thought maybe?



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