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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:12 PM   1
Bumblebeee
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So drained by other half's behaviour :(


I am having a nightmare of a time with my oh, and I would like to say it's only since I've been pregnant, but I think that the baby just made me put his behaviour in to perspective...
I could write a thread longer than a dissertation here, but I'll try to keep it brief, the thing bothering me most is his attitude to me and the baby. I am trying my best to get him involved, but he won't have a bar of it. He has genuinely ruined the whole pregnancy experience for me by refusing to have any input - won't talk about it, won't help me choose anything, won't even touch my belly at all - what the frick is up with that?!! :'( I keep asking him to be involved, but he just keeps saying 'I'll worry about that when the baby is here' or 'i'll bond with the baby when it's here'.
He also keeps putting the boys before me, which is really hurtful because it's not just me anymore, it's me & the baby so it's us now. Like tonight, he said we could go out for a meal so I'm quite excited to go and start getting ready to go when he gets a phonecall from his friend and he invites him along. Next thing I know, he tells me we're still going for a meal, but three of his mates are coming so I tell him I don't want to go anymore and he tells me my hormones are out of control. My hormones are fine, it's him out of control!!! I'd be just as pissed off with him if I weren't pregnant! Then, the best part, instead of cancelling with his friends, he goes out for a meal with them and leaves me at home by myself! The worst part, it won't be an early night, he normally shows up home at around 4am after he's been to the clubs in the city. Why would any man with a pregnant girlfriend at home want to stroll in at 4am?!!
We always wanted a baby, we tried for 3 years to get pregnant! It's not even been a 5 minute relationship, I got with him in school when I was 14- it's our 10 year anniversary next month for Christ's sake! We live together, have done for 3 years, and I would love to know what is going on with him coz he's sapping my energy and making me so miserable! Everytime I try to talk to him, he just says it's my hormones but I know it's not!!! Please help me, any advice would be greatly appreciated! I just don't want to look back at this time in my life and have bad memories about my pregnancy which is such a special thing because of him.



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:15 PM   2
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I'm sorry he's acting this way. He should be putting you and the baby first. It's awful that he put you in a position where you had to cancel a night out you were looking forward too because he invited his friends.

I do hope things improve for you love... chin up xxx



 
Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:15 PM   3
ticking.clock
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Maybe he's worried about being a father?

It's not ok what he is doing, and he needs to take you seriously x



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:20 PM   4
britt0285
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If my s/o showed up at 4 am I would murder him. I would be so upset! I think that is very disrespectful. You deserve and your LO deserve better.



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:21 PM   5
Bumblebeee
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Thanks for your replies, it's good to know that it's not me, because I have been doubting myself. I know it's hard for him, especially since he couldn't come to scans with me as he's self-employed an having the days off would have cost him like 100 every time so he's only seen pictures but if that were me, Id be trying double hard to try to be a part of it. People keep telling me it's because I can feel the baby moving around daily so i'm already bonded, but I am offering him to feel the baby kick but he just won't even put his hand anywhere near my belly. I don't know what more I can do!



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:24 PM   6
destynibaby
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sometimes we as crazy hormonal pregnant women, we tend to forget that our pregnancy might have an effect on our OH as well.
He could easily be an asshole
but he also may not have let it sunk in that he is about to become a father.
he needs to realize that you and your baby need him right now, not just when 'the baby gets here'.
Put all your feelings out there and if still doesnt make an effort to become somewhat involved, then you need to figure out whats best for you and baby.
have your meals with family, and friends. dont stress yourself over some man.



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:45 PM   7
zoeelouisee
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My OH was like this at first - he didn't want anything to do with the baby and didn't want to talk about it or anything. I tried to ask him why he was acting the way he does and eventually he told me he's just scared and worried about the situation. My OH told me that he's scared of the future and not being able to provide or be a good dad (which i know for a matter of fact that he'll be brilliant!) and he told me that he's just worried about the financial side and more! He's scared of the responsibilities that he's now faced with.

We're 18 and wernt trying for a baby. But my OH always said that he'd love a baby with me and if it was to happen at any time that he'd always be there. After we spoke we took it slowly and I didn't make everything about the baby. Now he's the opposite and will always put his hand on my tummy and rub it, says he loves the baby, looks at baby clothes and names etc. Although he can't always be at appointments due to work and he isn't always interested, I know that it's scary for him!

I hope it works out for you, maybe he's just scared like my OH! Try speaking to him and asking if he feels scared or worried about something. My OH was also worried about losing another baby. Try not to stress too much xx



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:45 PM   8
cat_reversing
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sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. As others have said, it sounds like it hasn't really sunk in yet for him and he's still being a young guy enjoying himself out with his mates. Is there anyone he's really close too, like a family member you also know well that maybe you could talk to? maybe they could have a calm word with him so he can see that his actions aren't helping you and maybe he can express why he's behaving this way. sometimes we need someone else to mediate between us if communication in our relationship isn't going smoothly. Good luck with everything and stay strong and calm.



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 15:47 PM   9
zoeelouisee
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however I'm not saying that this sort of behaviour is acceptable at all and your OH should be paying more attention to you and the baby! I spoke to OH's sister (I know that they're close) as I knew he's listen to her. I know the feeling but i really hope he comes round! xx



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2012, 16:00 PM   10
CharlieKeys
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If my OH wanted to come home at 4am, I would lock him out so he couldn't get in. It's nto fair how he's treating you .... is he scared about being a dad? Even if he is, his behaviour is unacceptable



 
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