Sorry if this comes across as self pitying but I'm hoping getting my feelings down on (virtual) paper will help me a little. I'd really appreciate any support/input I can get as I'm feeling quite isolated and desperate at the moment.
This is a LONG post!
I've lived in Australia for the last 6 years and have always worked full time and always in lovely remote locations where I've not had to worry about food/accommodation.
I met my husband 2 years ago working out at Ayers Rock and since the start of our relationship, we have faced so many difficulties together which I can only really skim over here or I'll be here all day!
I had been with my ex-fiance for over 7 years when I met my now husband and decided to leave my ex. That was a horrible decision to make and I went through a lot of counselling at the time to get through it and make sure I was making the right decision. A few weeks later, I was made redundant from my recruitment position and as it was an employee sponsored position, was forced to leave Australia within 28 days. With no money (certainly not enough to get back to Scotland and survive there) we took our chances with NZ and attempted a working holiday there but apparently had gone at the worst time of year and there were no jobs, despite us travelling up and down the country to find work (credit card debt mounting)
We did manage to land a few live-in jobs but nobody was willing to pay us money, only give us free accommodation in exchange for work. We had a really horrible time there, everything seemed to be against us, nothing went right and we ended up in a couple of horrible situations a few times (too long to go into detail)
After investigating all possibilities on what we were going to do next, we discovered the only way we could be together was to get married so after much deliberation and soul searching, applied for a prospective marriage visa which cost us over $5000 and a LOT of stress (I won't even go into the visa process for that application - let's just say our paperwork weighed 2kg when we posted it with our last $15)
We were seriously going under financially and had to fly back to Australia so that at least hubby could bring in a full time wage (on a tourist visa I am unable to work) rather than NO income in NZ, so for 5 months, while we waited for the visa to be approved or declined, I had no income and fell into a deep depression and was put on a high dose of anti-depressants combined with counselling. Hubby felt the same and was also put on meds/counselling. We really struggled those 5 months till the visa was finally approved but we had to leave Australia and head back to NZ to accept the visa, putting us even further into debt (it is compulsory to be offshore to apply and accept)
When we returned, we both got full time jobs working on an island in the Great Barrier Reef and stayed there from Dec 11 till May this year. We got married in April (then had to apply for a spouse visa, another $2000 all up) The wedding, although small and done on a budget, put us further into debt. We actually changed the original venue so that we could save $16,000 and had a lot of family/friends get annoyed with us changing the venue but what could we do as we were saving so much AND getting married in an amazing venue at staff rates. It was also quite stressful as the entire wedding was arranged and all deposits paid, only for us to move it elsewhere, but it was still much cheaper to lose all of our deposits and change the venue.
Just before we got married, I found out I was pregnant and as there was no medical facilities on the island, it cost so much just to attend my first scan ($650 return flights off the island, $600 for flights to Brisbane) - just for 1 appointment!! We decided we had to leave the island and relocate back to the city. I also lost a lot of weight through being sick and as 3 meals a day were provided, had no control over my diet, it was awful, cheap, unhealthy slop we were served, no fresh fruit etc.
Now we are back in the city and I have applied for no fewer than 60 jobs. Each day I just keep getting emails saying they are not interested (in a nice way of course) and each day I feel a little more hopeless. We've had no income since we left the island and so many bills coming out - we have 3 credit cards which are now maxed out from the past few years, we have a car repayment coming out each month (you can get by without a car in the UK but not Australia) phone bills, engagement & wedding ring repayments (we bought these when we worked full time) braces repayments (got these when we worked full time as I wanted to be able to smile confidently on my wedding day)
Basically we have repayments coming out of our ears and no income AT ALL!
Luckily my Mum is putting us up at the moment but I feel so helpless and worthless. I'm 27, married and almost 6 months pregnant - living with my Mum and have no work! It is HARD to find a job at this stage in my pregnancy and most people don't want to know as I'm not a permanent resident yet - I have to wait approx. another 20 months for this - I have severe back pain which fortunately I get 5 x free physio appointments for but this limits me in the kind of work I can do plus I can only work somewhere that's easy to get to via public transport as I'm a very nervous driver, having obtained my license in the desert and therefore have nil experience in driving in a real city environment
We have been trying to get me a little more practise but have no fuel money to go out and about much.
We've bought nothing for the baby so far except some baby clothes in the sale with a little wedding money we were given as we have about $50 in cash left between us. I feel like a failure I had to ask my mum for some money to make our bill repayments this month and am wondering where next months are coming from.
The best man at the wedding borrowed $1000 off of us when we were working on the island, so him and his girlfriend could attend and he hasn't paid any of it back despite us telling him how badly off we are, yet he posts on Facebook about his recent purchases :growl mad: I feel helpless to say anything as it's my husbands friend, not mine. I keep pestering my husband to get the money off him but his so-called friend just keeps coming up with excuses.
We went to Centrelink to see what help we're entitled too (much to my embarrassment as I've supported myself financially since I moved out of Mum's house at 16 years old and have always worked with no financial assistance) I was told I'm entitled to nothing whatsoever. Husband is entitled to jobseekers allowance every fortnight so we are hanging out for that first payment which will of course go straight to a fraction of our bills. I have also applied for a special hardship loan to try and get us through till a job comes up but the waiting period is currently 104 weeks (can you believe that!!!) so that is useless to us.
I honestly don't know what we're going to do - how we're going to afford our own place and furnish it from scratch with no money, how we're going to get out of our massive debt, how we're going to survive on only 1 wage (if and when hubby gets a job) till I need to go back to work.
Hubbys family all live in a different state. I only have my Mum and her younger sister here. No friends in Brisbane as I've travelled and worked all over for 6 years so never really been settled anywhere. I have nobody really to talk to and would love a little support online.
I do know a lot of how you feel. Im also jobless and stressed beyond belief about finances. We already have two kids and were doing great financially. We had moved into a larger house that DH mum and her husband owned and were renting and when we moved in, we had a rental agreement and it was made clear we wanted to stay for at least 3 years. They were fine with it. Fast forward four months, DH loses a wonderful job (and im a stay at home mom), a day later, his mom shows up stating her and her husband are getting divorced, and then the next day, i find out im pregnant. It was horrible. I was beyond stressed. They expected us to move in 9 days. Luckily DH found another job, which doesnt pay as well at the moment, but has prospects of. So, now hes working full time there AND a part time job plus any extra hours they will give him. We were forced to move into his moms house, which lasted a month because, well, shes crazy! I wont even get into that one!!! We had to come up with deposits and everything to move into another house. We have enough money to pay our bills and have about $200 left over for gas... thats it. I have no idea how were going to buy the baby anything. At this point in time, we're relying on our taxes in Feb. to supplement DH income to make up for what we cant afford. All of our savings got spent due to DH mother and that whole mess. We have no buffer, no nothing. Ive tried to find a job, but given how long ive been out of work, no one will even give me a call back (even after at least 100 applications). Plus, given the cost of daycare, it would defeat me even working! Im honestly to the point where this pregnancy should be a joyous time because this is our last child, and instead, im beyond stressed and just want it to go as quickly as possible.
If you need ANYONE to talk to, im here for you. Im just a message away!
Thank you. Horrible as it seems, it's nice to know other people are in a similar situation. At least if one of us was working it would take some of the pressure off but 2 of us looking for work is horrible. The both of us are very employable, well spoken and presented etc. if we could just be at least given the chance to have a face to face interview......
Now my confidence is running low and I keep thinking I'm not good enough for anything.
To make things worse, mum expects that we're now we're living with her for free, we should be doing all the housework and any other odd job that needs doing which is fair enough to a certain extent but she tends to take the piss a little and hubby gets frustrated with it. I've been cooking dinner every night which I don't mind but when groceries run out I'm too embarrassed to ask her to buy more. We've had so many appointments on this week - my booking in at the hospital, 2 docs appointment, braces appointment, both of us had an assessment at job agencies, morphology scan, centrelink appointments, house viewings (to get an idea of where and what we can afford when we move out)
I commented to mum how exhausted I was from it all and she just retorted 'hah, what do you think it's going to be like when you start working again'
I wish she would stop making little comments like that, they do nothing for lifting my spirits.
What makes it even harder is that I convinced hubby to move here instead of near Sydney where his family is, so I'm stressing that he's hating it here now but it's just our circumstances.
If I wasn't pregnant we would just go and work remote again but I can't and anyway only have 3 months of work left in me and that's if I work right up till my due date which I don't want to do, but looks like I have no option.
I was looking forward to being pregnant for so many years but it's just been stressful and full of worries.
Please know you are not alone. DH and I were doing just fine financially and well, now that I am pregnant, it seems that everything that could go wrong is when it comes to our finances. We argue now more than we ever have in our relationship. I could easily cry everyday, but I have 2 other children that depend on me. I just keep thinking that surely there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel....
wow sounds like you had some wonderful adventures but are now suffering severe hardship because of it i have no idea how the system works out there as im in the uk so havent got much advise all i can say is your not alone im having my fourth child and im on my own i lost my job a while ago and could find another one quick enough which has resulted in me claiming benefits and i have bills and bailifs up to my neck i think considering you are six months pregnant your going to have to take a break from looking for work and put that on your husbands shoulders you need to de stress and just stay with your mum even if shes a pain in the neck lol xxx
I couldnt not work, it would feel selfish - we just have too much debt and it doesn't seem fair for me to put my feet up while hubby goes out and works. I think I would feel more stressed not contributing anything and then guilt would be added into the equation.......
I said 2 years ago when we got together that things could only improve for us
- hah! I almost feel like this is karma for hurting my ex so badly. I'm even thinking of counseling sessions again to help me through this......
Doesn't help either that I had to stop my anti depressants when I found out I was pregnant, and I'm terrified of PND after baby is born.
I'm trying to 'think positive' but my head is only filled with negativity and not much hope.
Are you working miss cakes? How are you managing to cope financially? x
nope not working ive found it nigh on impossible to get a job when pregnant and im just living off tax credits which u could do if you lived in the uk but i imagine its alot different where u are i know you need to work realistically but i doubt someone would take u on when your 7-8 months pregnant and your find it exhausting aswell i just mean while your at your mums you need to relax a bit as you dont need to pay rent there n as long as u have a roof over your head your be ok if your DH could find work it would be a start then u could concentrate on getting yourself back into wrk after the baby comes i think you should also get some advise on how to lower the repayments on some of the things u have try and sort out a minimum repayment x
I really feel for you hun, I wish i had other advice for you but other than to see a devt consolidator to get all your debts sorted would be a great start but you have probably already thought of that. I'm so sorry, I hope things start to pick up soon.
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