Doing too much for others and not enough for myself RANT
This is basically how every day goes...
Wake up @7:20 because DH leaves for work and I can hear him. He tries to be quiet and takes all his stuff out of the room the night before, I can still hear him, the toilet out in the hall ect.
So I'm up from 7:20 until about 10:30-11 when my DS wakes up. Then I put him on the potty, change him and struggle to get him to eat anything at all until about 1pm.
Usually I have a friend or relative who calls, emails facebooks or texts me whining about something or another, I listen and try to help out as much as I can. Then someone will call me begging for help or a ride or to babysit...
If I have an appointment It's usually in the afternoon and my almost 3 year old son is basically a preteen boy when It comes to his sleep and being woken up.
Yesterday I said I'd help my brother who had been away for over a week working out of town... Turns out I ended up helping him move his crap into my garage because his house was broken into and completely destroyed and the landlord told him to leave. I was out the house to give him a ride @ 12:30 and finished helping him out around 4:30 but with rush hour I didn't get home until 5:30 and was cranky because all I had was a sandwich and by then I was starving and tired from the heat.
He then offers me 10 WHOLE DOLLARS for dragging my son out all day in the car and driving him around all day and letting him use my house as a storage place for however long. He then also keeps trying to offer me a BEER knowing I'm pregnant but saying "It's light beer, it won't do anything".
Here's the thing, I didn't get mad until 1, he asked me to stay here for a few days and 2, my son ate half a banana yesterday and some bread, he wouldn't eat anything else. So I told my brother to make sure that my son wasn't fed any junk, he took my son outside and gave him a damned cookie because he thought he did something cute!!!!
I lost it. I absolutely lost it and I started reaming my brother out! What does he do... He walked away and went back outside and left the damned yard with my almost 3 year old son who somehow ended up in only a damn pull up and went for a walk with him for 20 mins!!!
When I realized this I was raging. I mean I thought my brother was just going back to play with him in the yard, he didn't mention that he soaked my son and that my son was only in a pull up at all but then to leave the yard without asking me and without putting clothes on the boy?! I could have bashed his head in, I know this wasn't normal behavior for my Brother and he was probably stressed out about everything he had gone through but still...
ARGHHHH!!!! I vowed that I was going to do less for other people and more for myself. That lasted about a whole hour until my GF who is a single Mom working and going to school said she needed a sitter for today... Guess who offered?! Yep, I offered and as always she accepted lol what the heck am I thinking!
Everyone around me knows I am a good person, I go out of my way to help people. I am like the counselor out of my family and friends, I am who every one runs to when they need an ear, a hug a dollar. I almost never complain about helping anyone, not even if I am getting 0 in return. I can count 3 times in the last 20 months that I have complained like this about these types of situations, that's it!
I just need to learn to say no but I think my biggest problem is that I enjoy helping people when they need it, even though it seems only my DH is there for me when I eventually need something or some one.
Anyhoo, now I'm waiting on my GF to drop her son off and then I shall begin my day. What I really want to be able to do is sleep in until my son wakes up for once, seems like sleep is a hard thing to do in the last month and a half
Today's crisis was diverted! my GF asked me last night if I would be able to pick her and her child up from downtown, I told her I only have one car seat and my son would be sleeping so she would have to figure out the bus before she left. She got lost and missed her bus, called me complaining that she was going to be late for work and please pick her son up blah blah blah. I said ummmm, I have no child seat for him so it's not possible and she started complaining!
Eventually I had to call one of my friends with an extra car seat to pick them up, what an event!
Your a hell of a lot nicer than me! Its not your problem that your grown friend is going to be late to work. It is not your problem that your brother has the problems that he does. I have learned and are learning to say...no. It has taken 2 kids and almost 30 years of life but I am getting there. It seems silly but sit in front of a mirror and say no to your self. It works!
Thanks ladies. I do think I need to learn to say no more often lol. I like doing things for people but as everyone keeps telling me, I need to have some me time and do more for myself. I had a run in with a card reader at a shop I went into one day to buy some sage, she was telling me that I need to be a bit more selfish than I find comfortable. Maybe I should be.
I do notice that when I have a problem I never have anyone to help me out or talk to besides my closest friend and the DH. It's like all of a sudden all the people who asked me for help are super busy or stressed! I NEVER ask anyone to watch my children, they are always with me with the exception of me learning to let the in laws or family take my youngest but that's only recently and this weekend will be the first time!
I also find it hard to just sit, i'm always asking DH if he needs something when I get up. He tells me to sit and decideds to get me what I need instead
I am going to try the "NO" in front of the mirror, I'm sure I will get a giggle out of watching myself do it the fisrt few times!
You're way too nice! If you can't say no to people, maybe start by ignoring phone calls. You're a busy lady, you don't always make it to the phone!
You're also allowed to "have other plans". It's easier to make excuses than to just say "No", especially if you aren't used to saying it.
Do things for people when you're really feeling up to it, but nobody should be using you because they know you are always going to say "Yes". Let people sort out their own problems.
Plus you don't want to resent people if you're always doing things for them. They aren't necessarily doing anything wrong, and neither are you, but you still might not be able to help but feel a bit slighted, and that feels horrible.
You do need to be more selfish, and that is something you have to work into slowly if you're not used to it. There is nothing wrong with being selfish, it can make you a happier wife for your husband and a happier mom to your boy.
it dosent sound like you enjoy helping people haha if it puts u out so much dont do it sounds like your friend takes the piss abit with lifts and stuff but personally i dont think your brothers done anything wrong i think people would rather u said no to helping them rather than you doing it then resenting them afterwards x
I do like helping people, it just seems like there is always someone who needs something.y phone is always ringing, or I'm getting texts and emails. Like when did people decide that I am the person to go to when they need anything at all done, it's either an ear, a hug, a laugh, a car problem, an idea for a party ect.
Now that I'm pregnant and so exhausted I would think people would give me space and time.
Anyways I've been ignoring my phone so far this weekend. It's been going and going and my poor brother ended up coming home at 11pm with all the lights off and me in bed as I guess I passed out at 8pm and slept until 10 am this morning.
That's another thing, my brother never asked me if he could stay here long term he just assumed even though i told hom a day or two he could and my DH pitched a fit with me but wouldn't say anything to mt brother.
I'll be talking to my brother about him finding other arrangements as I'm really sick of him feeding my son junk food and various other crap Even though I'm constantly telling him not to when he comes over. Also this seems to happen far too often and even thoug I tell him all the time that this isn't a flop house, he treats it that way.
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