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Old Sep 4th, 2012, 13:57 PM   41
Stelly
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Originally Posted by elt1013 View Post
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Originally Posted by Stelly View Post
Well, it sounds like your MIL is not willing to bend... I wouldn't outlaw her from seeing baby... but I wouldn't take baby to her house- especially since you stated she smokes indoors (even if it is in "one room"). You CAN however invite her to your home and have a no-smoking policy...your home- your rules.

To those saying that being around smokers doesn't cause health issues is just not true. My niece has chronic lung issues since my sister moved in with her smoker boyfriend who 'smokes outside', her pediatrician links it directly to being in constant contact with a smoker. She is on a steroid inhaler, nebulizer and a few other meds because she keeps getting lung infections/asthma reactions. Just because some of you never had issues being exposed to smokers doesn't mean other children won't.
Interesting, but it also very possible and likely that something else in the home is causing these issues, like mold or dust, animals, or even a predisposition to it and the emotional stress of moving to a different place, etc, especially since he doesn't even smoke in the home! The child was probably around the smoker before they moved into the home, so why did the issues only start after the move? There are many other things that cause these issues that are not related to so called third hand smoke. This doctor linking lung issues with third hand smoke seems to be grasping at straws, and is looking to blame someone since he can't find another explaination for it. And frankly, he/she doesn't really have any right to claim this since he/she doesn't know what else could be in the house. Doctors will somehow find a way to link lung issues along with any other illness with smoking anyway they can, even if it is quite a reach. I am not saying smoking is good for us, as I believe first and second hand smoking is def bad, and proven to be so, but third hasn't been proven to be any more harmful than other things we live with everyday!
That's a lot of assumptions. They don't have pets, its a new apartment. My sister is an irresponsible little twit who moved in with the guy after their second date- so no- she was not exposed to him prior. Emotional distress doesn't cause lung infections. It's not much of a reach to go from no lung issues to lung issues once living with a chronic smoker. The ash gets on clothes, the toxins burning in that little stick people are holding are transferred to fingers/lips. Just because there are other toxins in the world doesn't make it bad that parents are trying to keep their children away from a completely avoidable one.



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Old Sep 4th, 2012, 14:04 PM   42
Stelly
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Anyway- sorry Taramum- not the place for me to have a "smokings harm" debate! So- differing opinions- elt1013- I agree to disagree

Hope things carry out smoothly with MIL.



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Old Sep 4th, 2012, 14:13 PM   43
elt1013
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I wasn't trying to make assumptions, just stating the endless possibilities. Oh, I didn't say it was bad at all that parents want to keep there kids away from smoke. Actually, I said that it is their decision, and probably a good one, but smoking is not completely avoidable anyhow as it is not illegal and many many people still smoke. It is another toxin in the world that we all have to live with to a certain extent just like many others.



 
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Old Sep 4th, 2012, 14:17 PM   44
elt1013
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Anyway- sorry Taramum- not the place for me to have a "smokings harm" debate! So- differing opinions- elt1013- I agree to disagree

Hope things carry out smoothly with MIL.
Absolutely! Eveyone is entited to their own opinion...and sorry Taramum for highjacking your thread



 
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Old Sep 4th, 2012, 15:41 PM   45
Terangela
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So glad I am not in your shoes. My family history is stacked against me for getting cancer. It's what ultimately deterred me from ever trying smoking... I was offered plenty of times over my teen years. My dad was 1/10 kids. All but my dad are deceased only 2 of which didn't die from cancer... they one of a heart attack and one of a series of strokes... however my uncle who died of the heart attach had cancer at the time of his heart attack that was in his lungs, kidneys and brain. My Aunt who died from the strokes had survived lung, ovarian, uterine and cervical cancer. All the rest had lung cancer that spread to other organs all were heavy smokers. My dad included. He was a closet smoker and never smoked in front of us kids or my mom but he also got lung cancer twice and kidney cancer as well. He is a survivor. So smoking around my kids or holding my baby or being around them when you wreak of cigarette is not even close to being ok.

Right before I met my DH I was in a serious relationship and I knew a proposal was coming... Our only fight and my only concern was his smoking. I wasn't willing to put my health at risk and never mind my future kids health at risk over cigarettes. I broke up with him and he went on the patch... after I left him because I wasn't willing to compromise. He ended up smoking again and I met my DH and he met another smoker.

My SIL and her DH smoke, but we see them maybe once a year. They also make sure to wash their hands and not smoke right before coming over.



 
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Old Sep 4th, 2012, 15:48 PM   46
Murphy98
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Personally, I don't think its reasonable to demand she stop smoking altogether or else say she can never hold her grandchild. I don't like smoking either but that is a bit OTT in my opinion. Why not set some more reasonable expectations - like...see baby at our house, no smoking at our house, please come having rid yourself of as much smoke as possible...etc. She's probably being defensive becasue she feels like your attacking her. Just my two cents.

Edit: Ah I see your response on page 2 - compromise - probably best all around!



 
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Old Sep 4th, 2012, 16:17 PM   47
GlitterandBug
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It's the advert (UK) where the mum smokes by the back door then comes back inside to her baby with all the 'invisible' toxins blowing round her and her child that turns my stomach everytime

We had to take the same stance with FIL who smokes like a chimney when DD was born. Clean hands, clean shirt, try not to smoke too close to coming to visut us etc or no holding the baby. He and MIL were fine about it when we explained why - that we weren't being awkward, we just wanted to protect our newborn.

I'm an ex smoker so yea, probably one of the fussiest!



 
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Old Sep 5th, 2012, 00:00 AM   48
mjvdec01
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This is a very tough situation that I'm unfortunately very familiar with. It's not mother-in-law it's father-in-law in my case. When we're over at their place visiting he needs a cigarette every 15mins, it's unbelievable. He does smoke on the balcony but my husband needed to let them both know the door needs to be closed when he goes out for a smoke because he'd leave it wide open and he mine as well have been smoking right next to us. To make matters worse, he'll come back in and purposely blow in my daughter's face. Is that seriously necessary?! Thankfully he never holds her anymore (because he'd never change his clothes afterward as he seems to be in denial about how terrible smoking is not only for himself but for others around him). She's coincidentally terrified of him and I always take her away from anyone when she starts crying in fear. Well, maybe she hates his smell.

It creates a very awkward situation for me because if he were my own dad I'd simply let him know what's on my mind, what won't be tolerated etc. but that's not the case therefore I have to bite my tongue although this is becoming harder to do thus tons of long conversations with my husband about him stepping in for me. I don't want to create waves in the family. My daughter is never left with the both of them alone though as, like I mentioned, she's terrified of her grandpa and grandma isn't 100% on board with keeping her away from smoke (grandpa isn't on board at all so we rely on grandma for the little backup we get from her..). I don't feel comfortable with it and don't feel there's any need to expose her to second/third hand smoke, I just don't. If grandpa wants to smoke, that's his own decision, I just wish he'd consider it's not something we want our daughter around. I wish he'd be respectful and close the door, refrain from blowing in her face afterward and change his clothes if he'd like to hold her. I don't believe this is asking the world.

Sorry for the novel, it's just something I sympathize with greatly. I'm sorry you're put in such an awkward situation. I don't believe grandma shouldn't be able to see her grandbaby but if she wishes not to respect simple precautions when around her (smoking outdoors, changing after she's smoked etc.) then your comfort in bringing your little one over will be greatly lessened and it just won't happen as often as it otherwise would.

You're doing what's best in protecting your child so don't feel badly. Just try to get around it as nicely as possible, although I know this isn't always easy. Visits will just be more limited as a result.
Wishing you all the best.
I would go through the roof if a family member, or anyone for that matter blew smoke in my childs face! Cigarettes just killed my mother three months ago. I have zero tollerance for smokers and have no problem letting any smoker in my family know how it's going to be. Cigarettes are disgusting and I don't budge at all when it comes to my exposure, and especially our kids. If someone wants to kill themselves slowly with that garbage, then go for it. It's their choice. But, don't you dare bring it anywhere near my self, my husband or our kids.



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Old Sep 5th, 2012, 00:22 AM   49
skye93
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I am going to have the same problem with my mum when lo arrives.. but mine is slightly different. My mum has made her boss and everyone else think that she has stopped smoking. She hasn't, she sneaks away whilst she's here visiting (she lives 470km away) or when we go to visit and stay at her house she "takes the dog fot a walk" recently she had to go to hospital everyday due to how high her blood pressure was. I don't doubt that this habit will kill her one day. When i was little she used to smoke with me in the car.
So have no idea how im going to tackle the subject with my lo and her smoking.

I don't think the op is going crazily over the top, I can see where she's coming from. But i think you may just have to come to an agreement with your mil otherwise your oh is going to suffer.



 
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Old Sep 5th, 2012, 00:35 AM   50
Sparklerose
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Originally Posted by skye93 View Post
I am going to have the same problem with my mum when lo arrives.. but mine is slightly different. My mum has made her boss and everyone else think that she has stopped smoking. She hasn't, she sneaks away whilst she's here visiting (she lives 470km away) or when we go to visit and stay at her house she "takes the dog fot a walk" recently she had to go to hospital everyday due to how high her blood pressure was. I don't doubt that this habit will kill her one day. When i was little she used to smoke with me in the car.
So have no idea how im going to tackle the subject with my lo and her smoking.

I don't think the op is going crazily over the top, I can see where she's coming from. But i think you may just have to come to an agreement with your mil otherwise your oh is going to suffer.
If she isappears off and nobody knows what difference does it make? As long as she doesn't take the baby with her?



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