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Old May 31st, 2009, 05:04 AM   1
moomoo
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Overzealous parents and inlaws?


Before i write this (ans i know it's going to sound completely ungrateful) i dont mean it to sound that way at all

Im really starting to get annoyed and a bit upset at the moment..my parents and inlaws keep on buying things.. or offering me money for things that i've bought for baby.. It's starting to drive me nuts, i'm a very independant person and feel as though this is being taken away from me. For example we had a baby monitor bought for us the other day, which is fantastic..but it's something that we wanted to buy for our baby, something we wanted to choose and look at together? Or the other day i bought some baby stuff and people tried offering me money for the bits we had bought!!!

We want to feel like we are providing for our child..not everyone else..

Sorry, ive just read that back through and i sound like a right spoiled brat, and i should be grateful for whatever i'm given. I was brought up with the frame of mind " if you havent got the money for it then you dont have it!" and i really struggle with the fact people are being like this.. Ive always worked for everything i have, never had credit card or loans

I told the inlaws that we didnt want any presents for the new baby at xmas (he will be only 6 weeks/ish and there really is no point!!) and then they went on to say "tough we will buy stuff anyway" It just winds me up as we will end up with a load of stuff we dont need for a 6 week old baby...i dont understand why they would want to waste their money!!

Sorry rant over..anyone else? x



 
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Old May 31st, 2009, 05:08 AM   2
AtomicPink
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moomoo all I can say honey is you are very lucky, my in laws barely take a huge interest.



 
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Old May 31st, 2009, 05:16 AM   3
jlon
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Its great you have an attitude like that but at the minute, I'm just taking what I am being given. My mum took me out last week and I chose some things, which relatives and friends are then going to buy later on. We have some money but not a lot so the more things people are willing to give us, the better!

God now that makes me sound selfish!



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Old May 31st, 2009, 05:28 AM   4
moomoo
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Thanks girls, i know i should feel grateful for the help (i am deep down) I just struggle with the fact that it should be us buying these items and not everyone else. We have bought a few bits second hand (like a moses basket and cot frame) and you wouldn't believe the looks we got...it was sorta like "oh well you should have asked us for the money so you could have had new!!"

xx



 
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Old May 31st, 2009, 05:46 AM   5
elainegee
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tell them to buy things for further down the line then? ie clothes maybe 3-6 months onwards. Thats what i told my family at Christmas time with my last baby as she had everything she needed i said buy me things i will need as i didnt have a lot of 1+ clothes at the time. there was no way my faily wouldnt buy for babies first christmas, its kinda a big thing isnt it?
I can understand how you feel like this. with my first baby everyone wanted to buy something for me and i was totally fine with it (because in my family that is how it goes with first baby) my mum and sister bought the pram, my gran the sterilizer, my OH parents the cot and furniture and other bits and pieced from other member of family's. This time around no one has offered to buy a thing and that kinda sucks lol cause OH is out of a job at the mo and could do with a hand now!



 
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Old May 31st, 2009, 05:46 AM   6
dellamaria
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They're just excited. My parents spent literally thousands on my first daughter and it made them happy so it was no biggie for me. She had way too much stuf but if it's how they're going to enjoy my pregnancy then that's fine with me!



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Old May 31st, 2009, 06:27 AM   7
diz
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Hi moomoo, could you try a different approach......


I mean, they are interested, they want to buy stuff etc, etc....... and by the looks of it your not going to get them to stop and you'll end up with things that aren’t to your taste or liking.

Would you feel strange asking them for the money (for things you have not already brought).

This is my first pregnancy, and my in laws and my folks want to be involved, want to get things for the baby and there is nothing I can do about that. So what I have done is suggested that if they would like to help out in any way shape or form, that would be amazing, and if they think its a good idea, why not donate to me some baby funds and that way I can purchase things to my liking as and when I feel the need to get them. It was taken well by both parties and now I am in a lucky (very lucky) position of having 1,500, donated by various family members, waiting to be spent on my son. I have discussed with them what I’m buying and shown them pictures- they’ve all felt involved and seem to be happy.

I have also stated that I do not want a house full of toys and soft teddies and for Christmas and birthdays (especially whilst my son is very young) if they wish to give money that can go into the babies account to be used on things he needs throughout the year then that would be great............ that last suggestion did not go down as well as the first! I think grandparents love to buy actual presents!!! But hay, I had my say and maybe I’ll be lucky and get my wish!!!


Good luck!!!



 
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Old May 31st, 2009, 06:48 AM   8
Mynx
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I dont have any immediate family so my OH's family are really desperate to go to town on this baby! It's their first and probably only grandchild (OH's sister cant have kids and we wont be having any more after this one) so they want to go mad and buy absolutely everything! Problem is they're both in their 70's and pensioners bless them. OH's mum said she saw a beautiful cot the other day for 250 and I was horrified that she wanted to spend that much lol! I dont want them to buying the expensive stuff as they only have their pensions and I would feel too guilty!
I am on the other hand, putting together a list of cheaper essentials that I would be more than happy for them to buy for us (steriliser etc)
As for Xmas, well I'm gonna ask them to buy clothes that will fit for when the baby is slightly older and I think they'll be happy with that



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Old May 31st, 2009, 06:55 AM   9
Eala
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I don't think you sound ungrateful - it's how you feel, so it can't be "wrong"

I can see both sides in this. I think Diz's idea is a fantastic one, if it'll mean that you get the things you want, and they can still feel like they're contributing .



 
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Old May 31st, 2009, 07:07 AM   10
jenny873
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Let them buy, your LO can never have too much lol, my in laws never even got my little girl a birthday card for her 1st birthday, and they gave her a cheap bangle and said it was her christening AND christmas present. i see were your coming from with them offering you money for things you have already baught, but the baby monitor was probably just a gift, and its 1 less thin for you to buy, even if you want a differnt 1 take it back and exchange x



 
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