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Old Jun 5th, 2009, 14:48 PM   1
rubylei
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what would you do?


this is long lol you may want to make a cuppa before reading!

so... i've had lots of problems with my baby's father pretty much since the beginning of the pregnancy he had stopped doing drugs when i met him but on 3 occassions since we found out i was pregnant i've found out he's started again when i confront him he lies through his teeth ( which is a huge problem of his that i hadn't realised before) then he gets aggressive and gives me loads of abuse and aggression because of course its always my fault...

so i started off for the first 3 months or so crying every day and feeling so terrible my panic attacks started up again i then eventually told him i couldn't cope with it and to give me some space... which he did but made up stories and rumours about me so that i was getting filthy looks and comments in the street... this added to my panic attacks and i felt so low at one point i felt like i didn't want my baby luckily i realised quickly that that wasn't really how i felt but that my anxiety had come back with a vengeance because of how he was behaving so after another load of abuse from him and a panic attack for me, i then told him to leave me alone that he was affecting his baby by doing this to me and also my daughter who i bring up alone

well then the sunday before last i finally spoke to him and for the first time he managed an adult conversation without lying and getting aggressive he admitted to the drugs again and promised me he only wanted me and my girl and our baby and he'd do whatever it took so eventually i gave him another chance..... in the time since we became really close again and i really felt like he'd changed only to then find out that he had been seeing 2 other girls who apparently he didn't stop seeing when we sorted things out because "he didn't think we'd work out anyway and didn't want to tell them until he knew either way" gutted is not the word it hurt me so bad i told him we can't be together now as i can't trust him and i can't keep hurting like this and he has bombarded me with texts and phone calls begging me for another chance just 1 more he loves us so much and all that which is so hard for me when all i want is to be with him i just can't!

well he know says he wants to tell me everything and admitted he's been taking steroids for the past 8 weeks and tried to blame his behaviour on them... although it was my fault earlier i got accused of being with someone else and called a liar, of course its not true and he knows it its part of his game he plays with me... so please what i want to know is would you do if you were me honest opinions!

Thanks for reading!



 
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Old Jun 5th, 2009, 14:53 PM   2
babystar
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I know you probably are in love with him. And i know how hard it is to leave someone you love. Think about you and your bubs. You will know what he right thing to do is



sorry I have nothing more than that for advice.




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Old Jun 5th, 2009, 15:24 PM   3
flower01
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hiya
I hope this doesnt sound harsh but if i were you id stay well clear of him until he has cleaned himself up and not for just 2 weeks i mean, for a long period after that!

you need to look after yourself and bubs and family and concentrate on that only. you dont need the stress of his problems, now or when baby is born

xxxxx



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Old Jun 5th, 2009, 15:30 PM   4
rubylei
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no it doesn't sound harsh i know i've been so stupid its the crying and begging that does me i always think surely he won't do it again but he does everytime.

i've told him i can't be with him now i've told him from day 1 he won't go anywhere near my kids if he's on anything he needs to stay off it and it upsets me so much that he can't do it if he wanted us enough he would



 
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Old Jun 6th, 2009, 13:49 PM   5
elainegee
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Reading what you have wrote, i am afraid i would have to end it. Sounds like you gave him one two many chances there and who's to say this last chance wont be the last chance, and before you know it you are one of these woman constantly battling with the same man for years and years trying to make it work, while he swears his undying love to you and your child yet having a ball with all these other woman!

That sounds harsh when i read it back but that is my opinion hun xx



 
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Old Jun 6th, 2009, 13:56 PM   6
fairy_dust
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I have to agree with the others hun, I would boot my husband out for much less!
I know its hard to be alone especially when you ae pregnant and have a daughter. But consider the impression this leaves on your girl? You deserve better hunni and it'll make you smile in time to think what you got from all of this... agorgeous baby and strength to say enough is enough!

good luck xxx



 
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Old Jun 6th, 2009, 14:05 PM   7
tinkabells
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Hiya love,
You know my views on this i wouldn't take what he says anymore, his a liar and its when his having a good day he wants ya and its stressing ya out too much!!!
But then you now what im going through with mine!! xxx



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Old Jun 7th, 2009, 15:00 PM   8
rubylei
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thanks for your replies just to update he tried to kill himself this morning, thankfully wasn't successful but only through luck and me managing to raise the alarm quick enough so talk about making a bad situation worse... this is because he has let me down so badly and i wouldn't give him another chance, well that along with the steroids he's been taking for weeks that i only just found out about i'm sure that really helped his state of mind but noone holds him down and makes him do these things.

and have been sitting in a dirty hospital (one i would usually avoid like the plague) with people all around laying on trolleys bleeding or moaning or throwing up which has helped my anxiety no end!



 
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Old Jun 7th, 2009, 15:04 PM   9
tinkabells
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Love, i no its hard to walk away, but he needs to realise this aint gonna get you back and its causing his son stress as well!! Grrrrrrrrr xxx



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Old Jun 7th, 2009, 15:07 PM   10
booflebump
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Oh sweetie

This man, no matter how much you love him, will never manage to be the father and partner that you need him to be. You cant risk exposing your baby to a man who is aggressive, violent and abusing drugs. He wont change - it doesnt sound like he wants to change (keeping girls on standby just in case you and him dont work out - doesnt sound like he particularly wants you, just any woman willing to have him) and no matter what you do, what he says, how many promises he makes - things will be no different. Move on, let him ruin his own life, but dont let him ruin yours too. I spent three years with a man who took drugs, bullied me, and I was blind for so long - but you will find the strength to live without him xxx



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