hello all.
so i had my first ultrasound yesterday and saw the baby. we woke him but once the tech pressed down he was quite active. but im so depressed that........well im up at 5am to write this.
i love my oh. we have been together for 2 years this december, but we've been friends for 7 years. last august there was an incident that landed him in jail, and we had already been together for a year--i mean full on relationship, sleep over, spend days together all that. now this entire time his annoying ex who he was in the process of breaking up with when we got together wont GO AWAY, even tho to my knowlege theyd been apart for a year. you know the type. anyway i ignored her and got him out of jail, we moved in together and its been ok ever since, aside from a brief infidelity on his part (with her) back in april of this year. but we moved on, well, ive tried to, and we get on about our lives.
last night he was telling 'our story' but with a bit of brandy in his system and a flu setting in. anyway he gets to the part of im being arrested and says 'she(me) came to see me every day, cuz MY REAL GIRLFRIEND WASNT. wth?!?!?!? now maybe this is my hormones but that bitch was supposed to be your ex by 1 year at this time...so wtf are u talkin about? i corrected him and he laughed it off and apologized. i want to ask so bad WERE U REALLY WITH HER because if e was i feel like a fool, as his entire fam/friends knew and never said a word. and i see these ppl every day. but i dont wanna ask bcuz im not sure i wanna know and b that mad at him. so ive been giving him the evil eye in his sleep . sorry this is so long, but its put a damper on my baby joy and really i dont feel any attachment to this child yet, hes over the moon after seeing him wigling but i just am not excited...im kinda mad that i am stuck with im now, after finding out something like this. but i do love im, i just dont know what to do. i want to let it go but it seems i cant
help

Oh hun, this doesn't sound like the thinkg you needed to hear right now! Can you get some space somehow to decide how you really feel? Go and stay with family or friends for a couple of days?

Awwww hun Best thing you can do is to talk to him, calmly. Pregnancy Hormones always make things seem much more worse than they really are. Its a lot easier to get wound up.

Dont worry about bonding with the baby, it took me a while too and a few scans to really get to grips with what was going on and start feeling love and protection towards her. Some mums dont bond with their babys for months after they are born, its natural, your not weird lol.

Ask him to be straight with you and tell you the truth, if he can slip up whilst having a drink then maybe there is more to it, but it is in the past and you have to concentrate on your future now.

Good Luck xx

thank u guys, im spending this weekend witht he folks, maybe it wil do some good

hon what's done is done. Concentrate on the baby, it's your and his new life. To be honest I talk to my ex every single day but my new life is with my OH and he's just that, an ex. However, we were very close friends, best friends, I wouldn't want him to be out of my life completely and neither does he. I don't think there is anything wrong with this. I also don't want to hide this from my OH, but it gets a little tricky and a little too jealous for my taste, so I do hide it. That said I don't have any plans or thoughts whatsoever to get back with my ex. The baby is so much bigger than all these past relationships, it really doesn't matter anymore.

Oh sweetie...big hugs! Sounds like a really difficult situation. I think you have been a saint for putting up with so much!

I think you need to have a serious think about whether you want to be with this man? I would REALLY struggle to forgive my OH for cheating on me with an ex...particularly one who is a pain in the a**e. I think you do need to sit down and ask all the questions you need answers too - including when they split up. I don't mean to make it worse but I would probably also want to know if she is still hanging around because he is encouraging her to? If not, then he needs to make clear to her she should go away and not contact him anymore. It would be different if they were platonic friends and nothing had happened since you got with him.

Once you have thought through everything then you need to make a decision about what is best for you and the LO.

As said above - don't worry about not bonding with your baby - I still have moments where I'm like what am I doing? Am I crazy?

Good luck

xxx

Agreed with above. Barring the occasional psychotic person, the reality is that exes don't stick around when the message is sent loud and clear that they are unwanted. If she was still sticking her nose in things, then she's either psycho or he has been encouraging it. In fact, I'm betting that he very much was encouraging it because he did, after all, cheat on you with her in April (only a handful of months ago!). If I were you I would have a real good think about what you want out of this relationship and whether you feel he is in it 100 percent. It would help to have a real heart to heart with him. As a child is now involved, it's definitely worth exhausting all of your resources to make the relationship work, but don't stay with him just for the sake of the child, either, if it isn't working out. Clearly this lady is not a 'platonic ex' and should be completely out of the picture. If it weren't for the infidelity in April, I wouldn't be saying any of this, and would say to let sleeping dogs lie, and get on with things, and let the past be the past. Since that time around the jail was a time of limbo between the two relationships he was ending/starting, it would be worth cutting him some flak about that time and just move on with things now because he's with you. What concerns me is that he was cheating only a handful of months ago, and that puts an entirely different spin on matters. Definitely take some time for yourself and think things through, and don't worry about the bond with your child. It will come in its own good time.

oh no!!!! ggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrr i cant give you sound advice because this would bug the life out of me and have me concerned....but i am one of those people who needs to know every single detail right down to the last word when it comes to stuff like this i wouldnt even say blame the brandy because he got his words right didnt he just....wrong if that makes sense lol! i mean why is his ex there after a year?? thats a bit weird i mean if he ignored her for a year surely shed have moved on...an there was an infidelity?? i wouldnt be as calm as you!!

all the best in how you decide to deal with this

xxxxx