Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 13:43 PM   1
hello_kitty
Trying to conceive (TTC)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,434

dh doesn't care about baby.


Sometimes I feel like this baby is nonexistent. It's one thing that my family haven't talked about my pregnancy but for my husband to also treat baby thus way is unacceptable. Everyone was over the moon when I was pregnant with my son but with second baby there has barely, if any, been any mention.

I'm 20 weeks and wanting to start buy stuff for the baby like a simple play mat but my dh said not now. He even said no to the swing which was a life saver with ds. He said he will buy what the baby needs once it's here. I don't get it though wouldn't it be a hassle to buy everything at the last minute? When I press further he says he doesn't want me hauling home stuff and cramping our space since ds's toys is every where.

That's unfair to the baby though just because there's no space means we have to make space. Why does ds get everything but this baby doesn't? I just feel bad for the baby.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 13:52 PM   2
purplecupcake
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 1,416
Is there anything else that your DH is doing/saying that makes you think he doesn't care? I see it from both your perspectives - planning ahead is wonderful and saves stress for later, but I would also be stressed out by having a ton more crap all over my already cramped living space! Maybe you can compromise to start buying some of those items around 30 or 35 weeks instead of right now? Is there anything else going on right now, employment, financial, or otherwise going on? Maybe he is stressed about something else and it is manifesting as him putting things off.

As for the rest of the family, I am sure they are very excited, but there is just something very different about a first baby. It doesn't make it more special, it's just different. People always say that with your first baby, you buy all kinds of stuff you don't need, take 500 pictures a day, etc... and with second baby you buy less, and take far less pictures. As long as YOU are thrilled and excited about this baby, that's all that matters, and your family's reaction shouldn't impede on that!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 14:02 PM   3
mara16jade
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: So. California
Posts: 7,246
Did your DH act differently with the first baby?

Men can have a hard time coming to terms with pregnancy, and I think its because they can't "feel it". Until they can feel a kick - that's their first time connecting with the pregnancy. And even then, they can only feel it when you tell them, "the baby's moving, put your hand here...". They depend solely on us, and it makes it harder for them to feel it as much as we do. I try to keep that in mind since I know my DH is excited, but he can't possibly feel what I feel. He'll get there when he first holds him though.

Maybe talk to him, and tell him that you feel like this baby is not getting as much attention/love as the first one. I bet he'll put your mind at ease.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 14:06 PM   4
patchey
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 287
I'm sure that your DH cares about your baby. My DH is the same way when it comes to buying things, and it took us 3 years and $50,000 to finally get pregnant with this baby. So I know he cares even though he doesn't want to buy baby things until later. Is there any other reason why you feel he doesn't care? Maybe it's just hormones making you feel this way.

This is my first child and will be the first grandchild for my parents and DH's parents. They NEVER talk about my pregnancy, and neither does the rest of my family. No one, except for me, makes a big deal about it. It seems like they could care less, but I know that's not true and they do care.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 14:06 PM   5
Linnypops
Pregnant (Expecting)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,432
We have the issue of space too. This is my first baby but DF's second, the baby will share a room with my step son and of course it's pretty crowded with toys in there! So DF has been going through putting really old toys into charity bags and were concentrating on new storage for in there before anything else. Maybe addressing the issue of space and clutter will go a long way towards making room for new things.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 14:10 PM   6
hello_kitty
Trying to conceive (TTC)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,434
We have money and both work so it's just the cramped space that he's worried about. The only things we need for this baby is a swing and a play mat and nothing else since the baby is gonna use most of ds's left over stuff unless it's a girl. I did agree to wait until I'm in my weeks 32 to buy swing but the play mat doesn't take up much space at all!

First baby was treated like a royal since pregnancy. This baby has no mention
My mom even was upset about me getting pregnant again because ds wasn't walking at the time but I said we have 9 months ahead plenty of time for him to start walking and he is.

I don't know...I just feel like children should be treated equally and this baby just isn't getting attention not even minimal attention.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 15:43 PM   7
squirrel.
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 1,273
I'm sure when your new baby is born your children will be treated equally. Second pregnancies are treated differently, it was one of the things I really prepared for and it has happened. No one is overly interested (doesn't help that friends of ours are five weeks ahead with their first and everyone is terribly into that). I think some of it boils down to friends and families not being able to play experts or frighten you with their own stories as you have been through it now. I used to get lots of advice all the time, but now I've been there and done that, people don't anymore. I don't mind to be honest, I don't feel my pregnancies need to be treated the same as long as when she's her people treat her and her brother equally.

x



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 16:05 PM   8
Unexpected212
Waiting To Try (WTT)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,768
I get that people are being reassuring but I'd be upset too. DH Is possibly MORE excited this time around because we know what to expect and how much joy our son brought to our lives. We were nervous when I was expecting my son but now we know what it's like we can't wait to have another member of the family.

All our families are really excited too. I think every baby should be seen as a huge blessing and joy and i'd be sad if people didn't seem happy or talk about it much

*hugs* to you OP



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 21st, 2014, 16:24 PM   9
Mrsturner
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 916
I'm sure your DH is in to this baby as much as your last baby, but like the other girls have said, it's just not as "exciting" as your first baby iykwim?
With my first pregnancy my family, DH's family and all our friends were over the moon and couldn't stop asking how I was and offering advice. This time around I barely get a "how are you?"
It's not that they're not excited, it's just that it's all a bit "been there done that"
Maybe if you go about de-cluttering and making room for the new arrival your DH will be more willing to let you buy stuff xxx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Mar 22nd, 2014, 09:48 AM   10
mybabyluv3
Pregnant (Expecting)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,475
i just had this argument with dh today. I feel like after all the pushing he did to get me to have a baby, we both have 3 this will be our first together, he is showing no interest in this pregnancy at all. I mean it got very bad to the point that we almost broke up over me not being able to give him a baby. Now I am pregnant giving him his boy and I have to tell him to even rub my belly. I can sit and watch baby having a party in there for weeks and he has only felt one kick. I want a coed shower so all my family dad, brothers, and cousins can attend and he says he's not coming. I want to at least start looking and researching baby items and he is just like oh we have time the baby not here yet. All our kids are older and my youngest is 8 and a girl. We need everything and soon I will not be working and won't be able to contribute. The only reason I haven't gone and bought things on my own is because we need to move and the less stuff I have the better but I definitely don't want to be any more uncomfortable and bigger trying to do everything at the last minute.

Trust me I know how you feel. Haven't got much attention from my family either. Just can't understand why dh is acting so, whatever about this baby he begged for.



Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
baby , care , dh

featured articles


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search






SEO by vBSEO