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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 10:33 AM   11
Savasanna
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Tess - Try not to be too hard on yourself. What you're feeling is TOTALLY normal and it does NOT mean you will love your son any less or won't be able to bond with him or any other terrible thought you may be telling yourself. Give yourself time. Allow yourself to feel the disappointment. Allow yourself to be sad about the things that won't be happening (whatever they may be). Once you have felt and are able to let these things go, you'll be able to see the things that WILL be instead of what won't be. Be patient, this will come with time. And I promise, once your little one is born and in your arms you won't be able to imagine it being any other way.

Thinking of you.



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 10:59 AM   12
saraaa
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I'm so worried this baby is going to be a boy, I've got my gender scan in a week and 5 days I'm so desperate for a girl so I know I'll cry if this is a boy as well :/
I'm just expecting them to say boy so I'm not shocked!



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 11:05 AM   13
wheelz23
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I just found out that we are having a little girl, and my husband and I both wanted a little boy so bad. Like you, I found myself feeling guilty for thinking that, but then I put it in a different perspective. If I was having a boy, I'd be sad I was missing out on the little girl things. I think when we find out a gender, it's a lot to take in. We imagine things looking one way, and if we focus too much one way, it can be a shock!! It's been a couple weeks since we found out it's a girl, and I would be sad if she were born a boy just because I can see us with a little girl now. Gender disappointment is real. Be happy the baby is healthy yes, but more importantly cut yourself some slack. It's OKAY to imagine life with a little girl and then it be a boy. I'm a firm believer in fate, and what's meant to be will be. Hang in there mama!



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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 11:58 AM   14
Tess08
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Thank you so much everyone. You really don't know how much I needed to hear that it's okay to be thinking the things that I'm thinking. I haven't been able to speak about them out loud so even being able to write them here has felt like a massive weight off my shoulders. Sara, I tried to convince myself too that they were going to say boy in the hope that I wouldn't be disappointed but unfortunately as soon as it was confirmed to me, the feelings I'm having right now started sinking in anyway. Leading up to my scan I done all the gender prediction tests online and the Chinese gender thing, all of which predicted a girl which just made it harder so I definitely wouldn't recommend them lol. I think I need to remind myself that I only found out yesterday so in a a couple of weeks I'm sure I will see things differently. I'm just home from work so I think I'm going to let myself have a little cry (because I've held the tears in so far) and then hopefully I will be able to start moving on and like you say Sav, start looking forward to the things that I will have that I wouldn't have had if I never had a boy x



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 12:10 PM   15
Savasanna
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Once upon a time I heard someone describe the experience of finding out their child had down syndrome when they were pregnant. They said it was like if you were planning a huge, dream vacation to France, but when you get off the plane, you find yourself in Finland. At first, all it is is disappointing - all your brochures are for places in France; you've been dreaming about that Eiffel Tower photo for years and had done all the research on Notre Dame. All you can think about are the French markets and cheeses and Louvre.. And you wanted that dream vacation.

But, Finland is pretty awesome, too. Northern Lights! Ice hotels! ancient houses built on rolling green countryside. Who wouldn't love Finland? But how would you know that when you JUST got off the plane, expecting/planning/dreaming of France?

Anyway, I know it's a silly analogy but I really love the simplicity of it. I think about it ALL the time, especially when I'm feeling pressure to feel or react a certain way.

It's ok to feel how you're feeling. You are NOT a bad person. You just haven't learned enough about Finland yet.



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 12:34 PM   16
Tess08
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What an amazing way to think of it. That is honestly something I will remember forever. Thank you x



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 12:40 PM   17
Boozlebub
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I'm sorry you're feeling this way but it is so common. I felt similar with my daughter as I imagined having 2 boys and it took a while to sink in and accept but now she's here asleep in my arms a few weeks away from turning 1 and I couldn't imagine it any other way! You'll get there I promise!

(I can also confirm as a Brit who has lived in Finland for many years now, that Finland is truly awesome! )



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 12:55 PM   18
margeandmom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savasanna View Post
Once upon a time I heard someone describe the experience of finding out their child had down syndrome when they were pregnant. They said it was like if you were planning a huge, dream vacation to France, but when you get off the plane, you find yourself in Finland. At first, all it is is disappointing - all your brochures are for places in France; you've been dreaming about that Eiffel Tower photo for years and had done all the research on Notre Dame. All you can think about are the French markets and cheeses and Louvre.. And you wanted that dream vacation.

But, Finland is pretty awesome, too. Northern Lights! Ice hotels! ancient houses built on rolling green countryside. Who wouldn't love Finland? But how would you know that when you JUST got off the plane, expecting/planning/dreaming of France?

Anyway, I know it's a silly analogy but I really love the simplicity of it. I think about it ALL the time, especially when I'm feeling pressure to feel or react a certain way.

It's ok to feel how you're feeling. You are NOT a bad person. You just haven't learned enough about Finland yet.
Excellent!! Thanks for this



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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 14:00 PM   19
wheelz23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savasanna View Post
Once upon a time I heard someone describe the experience of finding out their child had down syndrome when they were pregnant. They said it was like if you were planning a huge, dream vacation to France, but when you get off the plane, you find yourself in Finland. At first, all it is is disappointing - all your brochures are for places in France; you've been dreaming about that Eiffel Tower photo for years and had done all the research on Notre Dame. All you can think about are the French markets and cheeses and Louvre.. And you wanted that dream vacation.

But, Finland is pretty awesome, too. Northern Lights! Ice hotels! ancient houses built on rolling green countryside. Who wouldn't love Finland? But how would you know that when you JUST got off the plane, expecting/planning/dreaming of France?

Anyway, I know it's a silly analogy but I really love the simplicity of it. I think about it ALL the time, especially when I'm feeling pressure to feel or react a certain way.

It's ok to feel how you're feeling. You are NOT a bad person. You just haven't learned enough about Finland yet.
this is the best thing I think i've ever heard!!!!



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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 14:52 PM   20
xdxxtx
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I was convinced that my first baby was a girl. I picked out a name, bonded with her, the works. Then, I found out at my scan that it's a boy! I burst into tears because I had bonded with this baby girl that I wouldn't be having. I feel like with me, it wasn't as much being disappointed with having a boy, it's that I really bonded with this daughter I swore I was having............. and then it wasn't having her. It took me a month or two to grieve the daughter I wasn't having before I fell in love with my son. I was so in love with him, as a fetus, as a baby, as a toddler,... He's now 5 and AMAZING! I'm so proud of him and NEVER resented him for not being a girl because I loved the baby he was at birth and never thought of that "dream daughter" again.

I know you'll grieve your baby girl that you dreamed of, and that's okay. Give yourself as much time as you need to let her go. After that, you'll fall absolutely in love with your future son, too. Just the way I did. And your son will be AMAZING, and you'll be proud of his every single accomplishment and all of his sweet snuggles and kisses and gifts for Mommy. Give it time.



 
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