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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 04:42 AM   1
Tess08
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Gender disappointment :(


Hi ladies,

I really need some advice about dealing with gender disappointment. I didn't even think I was that bothered about the sex of my baby until we found out yesterday that he is a boy and ever since, I have felt heartbroken. I am absolutely disgusted with myself for feeling like this and I am riddled with guilt because I know that I should just be happy that my baby is healthy! I am in work and everytime someone asks me what the baby is (because they knew we were having a gender scan yesterday) I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. I haven't spoken any of this out loud to anyone because I am so ashamed of myself and I don't want to be judged. My husband is absolutely over the moon we are having a boy and I don't want to say anything that might rain on his parade. Please tell me I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this? And if there is anyone else out there who has felt like this, please tell me it won't last long? I feel so awful because I know there are people who really struggle to have children so I should be happy with any gender. I just always pictured 2 little girls in my head and now I feel like I am grieving for the second little girl I will never have x



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 04:56 AM   2
whatwillbex
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Don't be so hard on yourself. I've seen lots of threads like these so your not alone. Everything is heightend with our hormones and sometimes theres such a big build up bit like Christmas with gender scans. Hey, one of each. Once that baby is in your arms you may feel different. I think this happens to a lot of women so don't feel you are the only one x



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 06:11 AM   3
SonnyH
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I agree. If you had a set image in mind of what you thought your family would be like, it's a shock that it'll be different! But it'll all be OK. You have plenty of time to get your head around having a little boy and I think eventually you'll probably be quite excited about and wonder why you felt so upset! Even if it takes until he's in your arms, I'm sure the moment he is, all your worries or disappointment will just disappear! And hey, you've achieved many people's dream of experiencing one of each!

I have always really wanted a little boy, I always was the odd one of my friends in wanting one over a girl. Weirdly, when I got pregnant, I kinda felt like I knew it was a girl and sure enough she is! I'm now totally in girl mode (although I don't really do pink.. but I like the florals, yellows & greens!) and wouldn't have it any other way! I'm really excited

Give yourself a few days to absorb everything and maybe start looking at some more boyish clothes or think of names etc to get yourself in that zone! There is some lovely boy stuff out there!



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 06:20 AM   4
pinkpassion
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There's a whole section on gender disappointment, check it out! I'm sure you'll feel better! I think it's completely normal and you're certainly not alone!! You've got time and it will grow on you!! This is just a season!



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 06:21 AM   5
Tess08
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Thanks ladies. It's nice to be able to speak about it and not feel like I'm being grilled. After I posted this I mentioned to my sister how I'm feeling and she just snapped at me saying 'as long as he's healthy that's all that should matter!' Ofcourse I know that's all that should matter but her saying that to me just made me feel worse. I had a bit of an emotional meltdown after she said that and I feel a little bit better now. Still not completely thrilled but I'm sure that will come in time. Congrats on ur baby girl Sonny. I absolutely loved shopping for my little girl before she was born, there's so much to choose from. I tried looking online at boys clothes earlier but I just shrugged everything off. Strangely, if I had been looking for my nephew I bet I would have seen loads but I just don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to be looking for my little one just yet x



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 06:25 AM   6
Tess08
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkpassion View Post
There's a whole section on gender disappointment, check it out! I'm sure you'll feel better! I think it's completely normal and you're certainly not alone!! You've got time and it will grow on you!! This is just a season!
Thanks passion. I tried to get into the gender disappointment forum but it came up saying it was a private forum and I'm not sure how to get access x



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 06:31 AM   7
pinkpassion
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I think you have to go in through your control panel and ask permission!! it's private to protect others feeling the way you are so that they don't receive harassment through this delicate time!! It'll get better!!



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 06:45 AM   8
pinkpassion
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Just had a look, go under control panel and click on group memberships and request to join there!!



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 07:14 AM   9
Symphony7
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I think more people feel like this than you think. I'd convinced myself this baby was a boy, in part because I so wanTed a girl. I was trying to lessen the blow because I knew I would have gender disappointment when they told me it was a boy. So I was shocked when it was in fact a girl. But I know with my next I want a boy and will be disappointed if it's a girl...we just build up the way we want our families in our heads I think. Nothing unnatural about that. But we will love our children no matter the gender, especially once they are here. Don't be so hard on youeself, it's natural and not uncommon.



 
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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 07:47 AM   10
crazylilth1ng
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Posts like this always make me feel sad for little boys because in 90% of the cases people feel the disappointment upon learning they are having a son. I don't know is why but this is a real trigger for me.

However... It is believe it or not a very common thing you are feeling and you shouldn't feel bad. As much as these posts bother me, I understand completely as I have had gender anxiety myself. When I had my first I desperately wanted a girl, the thought of a son was just not something I wanted to consider. In fact, this is my 4th baby and it is the FIRST time I ever hoped for a boy. I have been extremely lucky as I have always got what I wanted. 3 girls then a boy.

The reason I never wanted a boy before is the fact that that until I met my oh, ALL the men in my life have been abusive/disrespectful to women and I have suffered badly at the hands of some of them. It wasn't until I finally started loving myself a little more and actually let a decent man in that I realised that not all men grow up to be horrible people, there are a lot of nice men out there. I just hope I can do my son justice and bring him up to be the sort of man his daddy is and not like the men that have treated me like nothing. It still scares me that I could potentially bring a bad man into this world but I am now looking forward to the challenge of bringing up a gentleman



 
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