We had a scan today, and our son appears to have a cleft lip. we had consultants, specialists, midwives come and see us, and they were amazing, the support we got was fab. My husband has a cleft lip and palette and is very laid back about it, but unfortunately I am not taking it so good. I feel so worried for him, the way he will be at birth, the operations. I feel so numb after crying so much, i just don't know what to think. He is healthy other than that, we now have scans every 4 weeks, lots of appointments with specialists, feeding specialists, surgeons etc, i'm just feeling so overwhelmed right now.

Hi hun, I don't have any advice but I wanted to send hugs. You're bound to feel emotional at the moment. It's still such a shock and so much to take in. From the little I know it's very treatable now. I'm acquainted with someone's whose little boy had cleft palate and at nearly 4 you'd never know from looking. Best of luck to you all. I hope your husband and mil will be a massive support. X

How are you doing? Can't believe how quick it is going for us. I've been shopping today to Hempsted, and treated him to all white clothes for hospital. Want his beauty to shine through :-)

We have our first specialist appointment on Wednesday, they're coming round and going to be going through all next steps, etc. We have monthly scans now and a lot of appointments to attend, all surgery will be up at Evelina in London. MIL has been completely amazing, she understands the fears I feel, i.e when he is here and the shock etc.. The charity will refer me for 4D bonding scans, I wasn't too keen at first but think now I will do them, I would like to see what he looks like so its easier My husband has been amazing, he understands my concerns, but tells me to try not to stress now ( hard, but what will change if I stress?) and to just take each day as it comes with scans, appointments, and our boy's arrival. Penman was correct though, definitely another boy!! 3 guesses at 12 weeks, and right on all 3. He is amazing huh! xxx

Hi there,

My wife and I are foster parents and we cared for a baby with a cleft lip through his surgery (he ended up reunifying with his father after his recovery). From my experience, the cleft lip caused very little issues. He had no eating problems and was a perfectly happy, healthy, smiley little baby. He was SUCH a joy and I actually found myself sad when it came time for his surgery because, by that point, his smile was his smile and I didn't want it to change! (obviously, for his benefit, I did - but I had fallen in love with his face and was surprisingly sad when I knew he was going to look different). The surgery was a breeze and his recovery was relatively minimal. Yes, he was uncomfortable for a few days and needed to wear those dang arm splints to prevent him from playing with his stitches, but he was back to his normal disposition within a week.

He's since reunified so I don't know how he's doing now but all the doctors said they believed he would make a full recovery to the point where you wouldn't even be able to detect a scar.

I understand it's shocking to hear that there's something "wrong" with your baby - and it's absolutely ok for you to feel sad about that. But, in the long run, my experience with a cleft lip was a LOT less scary than I thought it was going to be when I was first informed the child we were going to care for had one.

I'm OK ta, time is flying! I'm glad you're getting lots of support and I think the 4d bonding scan is a good idea if you feel up to it. I think it's hard not to stress but if you find it's getting too much some kind of cbt therapy techniques might help. I had some counselling once when my therapist got me to picture those thoughts and worries as a train going through a station but not stopping. Accept the fact that you feel the way you do then visualise your feelings moving on and away. I don't know why it helps me but it does. For some reason the station is always ebbsfleet, although I rarely catch a train from there!