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Old Aug 2nd, 2017, 14:49 PM   11
kitkez
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Oh and thank you. Its hard not to blame myself when I'm trying to understand and find answers. I know I'm not blameless. You don't just loose attraction for no reason. There's issues behind it. Its just figuring them out. We recently moved away from his home town and i feel as much as he says he loves where we are now that he misses his friends and the social life he had (all be it not very large) cause he has nothing here except me and my parents and hasn't found things he loves like his football that he used to play weekly x



 
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Old Aug 3rd, 2017, 06:15 AM   12
LilBunny
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I really hope things will get better for you. Fingers crossed! Stay strong girl!



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Old Aug 3rd, 2017, 08:15 AM   13
KatO79
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So sorry you're going through this

I can feel you because I have self-confidence issues myself although I grew up in a very dysfunctional family where my siblings (especially the one brother is particularly nasty) and my mother were and are very emotionally and psychologically abusive. I finally understood about 4 years ago that it's not me that's the major problem and it's them partly through the help of a therapist I had. I highly suspect they have a personality disorder, most likely narcissistic personality disorder.

Anyway what I did was find a positive self-affirming quote and put it up on my Facebook timeline each week. Something that reminded me of my positive qualities. I think that may be a better way than writing about how you're finding reasons to stay positive and that he'll come back. You need to start finding reasons to love yourself! This is crucial because how can you expect anyone to love you if you don't love and accept yourself? I can say that the quotes have helped me greatly and I don't need to do them weekly anymore, more monthly to remind myself.

As for pics I read something about that your kids won't care about how you looked in those pics once you're gone, they'll just want to have pics of you and them to remember you and all the fond memories they have of you. So even though I also have a bit of extra weight after the birth of my son almost 10 months ago, I always have encouraged my DH and everyone else to snap a pic when they think it's a good photo opportunity.

When it comes to your husband, I would say that him not having found friends or a hobby to pursue is all on him. I'm sure no one is stopping him from pursuing any of it. I seriously hope he isn't blaming you because that's going into emotional abuse territory. I'm sure there must be some clubs he could join and meet friends that way.



 
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Old Aug 3rd, 2017, 11:15 AM   14
nicem815
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KatO79 View Post
So sorry you're going through this

I can feel you because I have self-confidence issues myself although I grew up in a very dysfunctional family where my siblings (especially the one brother is particularly nasty) and my mother were and are very emotionally and psychologically abusive. I finally understood about 4 years ago that it's not me that's the major problem and it's them partly through the help of a therapist I had. I highly suspect they have a personality disorder, most likely narcissistic personality disorder.

Anyway what I did was find a positive self-affirming quote and put it up on my Facebook timeline each week. Something that reminded me of my positive qualities. I think that may be a better way than writing about how you're finding reasons to stay positive and that he'll come back. You need to start finding reasons to love yourself! This is crucial because how can you expect anyone to love you if you don't love and accept yourself? I can say that the quotes have helped me greatly and I don't need to do them weekly anymore, more monthly to remind myself.

As for pics I read something about that your kids won't care about how you looked in those pics once you're gone, they'll just want to have pics of you and them to remember you and all the fond memories they have of you. So even though I also have a bit of extra weight after the birth of my son almost 10 months ago, I always have encouraged my DH and everyone else to snap a pic when they think it's a good photo opportunity.

When it comes to your husband, I would say that him not having found friends or a hobby to pursue is all on him. I'm sure no one is stopping him from pursuing any of it. I seriously hope he isn't blaming you because that's going into emotional abuse territory. I'm sure there must be some clubs he could join and meet friends that way.
Totally agree with so many things you said!!

OP, hope you are feeling better today. Hugs!



 
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Old Aug 6th, 2017, 14:25 PM   15
kitkez
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My husband isn't blaming me at all. He's telling me not to blame myself. This week has felt like months and I just can't understand how he could leave me like this. This isn't the man I married he's being so selfish! I'm so scared about having this baby. I don't want to do it on my own, I'm worried I'm not going to bond with her (found out were having a girl). I've always wanted a daughter. And when they told me I just cried. I just feel so sad that I'm sat here by myself and when we should have been excited together. I know it sounds over dramatic but I feel like I'll never be happy. I was in such a bad place when we met and he literally saved me. I don't want to go back to that dark place. I feel so emotionally exhausted right now. I've struggled to keep my eyes open this afternoon which is so bad with a 3 and 6 year old In the house. I go to bed at the same time as they do cause I can't bear to be downstairs by myself.

I feel so stupid for making him my whole life. I've felt like I suffered separation anxiety to a point when he used to have a night away. How could I become so reliant on one person!

As you can tell it's another bad day today. I've fought the urge all day to beg him to come home and not to completely loose it and say something I'll regret.

I just feel totally lost right now.

Thanks for the kind responses. They do help xx



 
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Old Aug 6th, 2017, 14:28 PM   16
kitkez
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I'm really fighting the urge not to turn to drink As Well. I had some in my cupboard from pre pregnancy and I poured it all away so that i couldn't have it. I find myself wishing I could just drink and tempting myself to have some :'(



 
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Old Aug 6th, 2017, 17:43 PM   17
nicem815
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Please do not turn to drinking. If you are feeling this low, I strongly urge you to call any family member or friend you can stay with right now. Do not put your baby at risk, and do not put yourself at risk.

Life has chances every moment to get better. Don't give up!



 
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Old Aug 6th, 2017, 23:17 PM   18
margeandmom
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I am so sorry you are going through this! Sending you hugs from far away.

I know it doesn't feel like this now, but this might be a really good opportunity for you to grow in your independence.

I deeply sympathize, because I used to be a very insecure / dependent / codependent person. I was extremely reliant on one of my ex-boyfriends and went through a severe depression when he broke up with me. After lots of heartache and therapy, I emerged a much stronger, healthier person who now knows how to make MYSELF happy and not be dependent on others for my feelings of self worth.

It sounds like you have some room to grow in this area. It's painful BUT so worth it!

Now, I still think your OH is being very selfish especially since there are kids involved!

But maybe it's good to let go of thinking about him and what does / doesn't do and just think about yourself right now.

He might come back to you. Especially when he sees how strong you are without him.

But he might not. I *hope* he's the kind of man that recognizes that he has kids and a family it isn't about him anymore. But sadly, he might not.

And it might be very empowering for you to surprise yourself and learn that YOU can do it ALL ALONE. You don't need him. YOU ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE!!

Please keep updating and please don't drink It's not worth it. Self destruction is so tempting, but never solves anything.



 
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Old Aug 7th, 2017, 04:52 AM   19
kitkez
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Not feeling quite so low today. I thought me and the kids were the most important thing to my OH and he says the kids are his number 1 priority but it doesn't feel like it. Just because he's found a job that will support us and himself doesn't mean he's thinking of them first.

I've just spoken to a charity called parabl that offer free councilling. I'm having a phone assessment on Thursday and they'll refer me for group/individual therapy and in which courses etc cause they do a lot. I'm hoping I can come out of this stronger. Stupid thing is I don't want to. I know that sounds backwards but I don't want to have to think about him Not coming home and not being in my life. That thought alone just kills me. I don't want to have to be strong by myself. I want to be stronger but with him by my side.

I don't want to drink which is why I threw the alcohol away cause I don't trust myself when I get so low. I've thought about it a lot though.

Time is going so slow right now. I wish it was closer to Christmas and baby being here soon have a distraction. But maybe it's good that's it's not cause hopefully I'll feel better when the time comes xx



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2017, 19:27 PM   20
itwaaawendys
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Really just want to say don't at all blame yourself and think you've made him doubt yourself. The issue is completely him not you! Stay strong!



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