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Old Aug 1st, 2017, 14:36 PM   1
kitkez
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really struggling at the minute. lost all my excitement


So me and my husband are having big issues. He's moved out. Hoping some time away will help us, but I don't think he's hopeful. He told me 3 weeks ago that he's lost his attraction for me, but everything else his fine. We were laughing and talking like normal before he left. He says he enjoys being with me and cares for me. I'm just so confused. And with the pregnancy hormones I'm really really struggling.

I'm 20 weeks tomorrow and having my scan Thursday to find it the sex. I was so excited. And now I barely care anymore. Its ruining it for me and I'm so angry and heartbroken and I just don't known what to do. And I feel guilty that I don't feel the same about this baby...I just want him to come home and realise what he's walking away from



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2017, 15:21 PM   2
mandaa1220
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Have there been any other signs of things being off in general or in your relationship over the past few months?



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2017, 16:08 PM   3
Talia12
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I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Is it possible he's having a bit of a crisis about the new baby coming?
It's very possible that things could improve with some time apart, even if he doesn't think so right now. Give it some time. Do you have support? I can see you have two other children, it must be hard. Don't worry too much about your feelings - it's not that you're not excited about the pregnancy per se, it's just that you're having a huge life issue at the moment and that's detracting from your feelings about the baby. The baby won't know and will be fine, just concentrate on yourself at the moment.



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2017, 16:37 PM   4
kitkez
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There's been a few signs but I put it down to my insecurity. I'm not a very confident person. I ask him way to often if my weight gain bothers him and how he cant seen it etc etc. If we're not intimate for over a week I'm asking if there's something wrong and why he doesnt seem to want it any more. I always peck at him. Its no wonder he's started thinking he has issues and decided he's not attracted too me anymore. I've been making him doubt himself for months.

Thanks for the replies. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm just clinging to hope that he'll come back right now cause if i don't I really don't know if I'll hold myself together. He's just messaged me asking whether I want money from him weekly or monthly and I broke down. All his actions are making this seem so final and yet he says he's not left thinking it's the end. I'm trying my hardest to give him space and not keep asking how he's feeling but it's so hard and hard to believe if vhe's being honest with me about his feelings.

My mum and sisters live near by. And all my friends have said I can go round any time. Although they're all a 2 hour drive from me. I'm not a strong person and i don't know how to be. I've relied on him for almost 10 years. I made him my life. How do you start again from that. He's the reason I did anything. He saved me from myself when We got together. I literally owe him everything



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2017, 18:07 PM   5
superfrizbee
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I'm so sorry you're going through this! Have you suggested couples counselling? It sounds like your relationship could be fixable if you get both get some professional support and guidance?



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2017, 21:00 PM   6
nicem815
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So sorry you are dealing with this. Perhaps some time away will help your husband to reevaluate. However, it does seem like you need some time to work on how you feel about yourself. I know it is SO HARD. Don't give up on yourself and don't rely on him, or anyone else, to give you the confidence within yourself.

Remember that your baby is still a blessing, regardless of what is going on with your husband. Hang in there, momma. Take your friends and family up on their offers.



 
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Old Aug 2nd, 2017, 03:29 AM   7
kitkez
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Thank you. I've been to my doctor with regards to counselling for myself. He suggested couples counselling too but my husband wouldn't entertain the idea. I was told I could go by myself and it would still be a big help but I just can't afford it. The one he recommended was 60 pound a session. So all I can do really is work on myself. Keep thinking of I can love myself and feel confident and attractive that surely he'll start to see and feel it.

I feel a little better this morning. I seem to have a really bad day followed by an ok one. Which doesn't bode well for tomorrow and the scan. Hope I wake up having a good day. I'm 20 weeks today and all I feel now is lost and scared really. I feel like I've let my baby and children down. More so the baby as I wanted it more than him x



 
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Old Aug 2nd, 2017, 11:38 AM   8
LilBunny
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I'm honestly sorry for you and I imagine the whole situation is just horrible for you. But I don't think you should focus on blaming yourself and to be honest I think your husband is just being awfully selfish. It's not how what marriage should be, especially now when you're pregnant. Considering your issues maybe it would be good to visit a psychologist...



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Old Aug 2nd, 2017, 14:01 PM   9
nicem815
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Don't feel that you've let your family down because of HIS decision to leave. He is an adult and H's made his choices. Look, I have had TONS of moments of insecurity and not wanting to have sex, getting upset with my husband, etc. He has had moments that upset me, too. However, leaving isn't what you do...you try to work it out with each other. You try counseling together. I am sorry he isn't open to counseling.



 
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Old Aug 2nd, 2017, 14:46 PM   10
kitkez
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Thank you.

I knew when I married him that he runs when things get hard or confusing. He's truly awful at expressing and understanding his own emotions.

I've been given the details of a counselling group in my area. Meant to ring them today actually to have a phone assessment but i went out with the kids and forgot.

My mum bought me a little notebook and I've written a list in there or reasons to stay positive that he'll see sense and ways to make myself feel better. Also went back through years of photos and created a little album on my phone of the times I felt beautiful. And luckily not all of them are from my thinner days. I realised I didn't take anywhere near as many selfie pictures with my second son as I did with my first. I only started again 18 months after when I'd dropped the weight. And then I put it all back on again and haven't felt good since. Altho there are some pictures on there from only a few months ago. Need to look at myself with kinder eyes I suppose. And stop being so lazy and actually brush my hair and out a little makeup on.

I appreciate everyone's replies. No doubt I'll have another very bad day soon but today I feel good so I'm trying to make use of that.

Starting to feel excited for tomorrow now. I'm gutted my husband won't be there (not his choice, just work circumstance) it's going to feel very weird. My eldest felt the baby kick today and his face was a picture. I'm trying to bounce off their excitement for the baby x



 
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