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Old Sep 25th, 2017, 12:11 PM   1
Pregnant (Expecting)
New BnB member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2

Can't Beat The Funk

Hi i am 22, 23 in a few days. Im 20 weeks pregnant and so depressed. My FOB isn't in the picture and never really was, my morning sickness was so severe I couldn't keep a job and I ended up moving back in with my parents. My relationship with my FOB was rocky before sand when i became pregnant we weren't even together. When I told him all he said to me was congratulations and the cold remarks did not stop there. He bombarded me with abortions suggestions basically bullying me into one, made sure I knew his family would never accept me or his child, and assuring me that I had effectively ruined my life, his and any chance of us having a relationship by keeping this child.
I feel like his emotional abuse has severely handicapped my ability to feel proud and happy about this baby. I feel robbed of having a joyful pregnancy, I feel robbed of a loving supportive partner through one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. I love him and still miss him everyday and I dont understand why. He has done one f the most despicable things that a man is capable of and yet I just we he wuld come back so I could forgive him for everything and we can move on. I know this will never happen because he does not think that any of his actions are wrong and that he is completely justified in leaving me with this child because out differences cannot be worked out and he has a career ahead of him to achieve and owning up to his responsibility of his child will just drag him down.
Everyone keeps telling me to focus on myself and my baby but when I look at myself I just feel like a sad case. I am unmotivated to do anything and emotionally drained and tired. I am stressed because I am tired, still trying to finish the last 7 classes in my degree but honestly have no motivation to get my school work done. I feel like I am teetering on this dark precipice and the anxiety of if I will fall in or not is worse than actually falling.
Whenever I think about my baby feelings of love are drowned with anger and pain. I feel angry for my child because they deserve a loving home instead of someone too selfish to put aside petty arguments and hurt feelings. I feel sad that Im going to raise this child alone. I am so scared that Im gonna screw it up because my FOB has made sure I know he doesn't want to raise a child that has anything to do with me because I will not raise a good one. What kind of person lies with someone that way and then denies their child? Why would you have sex without someone if you are not willing to own up when the chips fall where they may?
I am so confused and bruised and just tired of being in this emotional whirlwind.
My brain knows I am capable of being a good mom, my brain knows I am capable of finishing my degree, I know I am worthy of love and forgiveness and sacrifice but it really makes no difference if the heart doesn't that way.
I have family around but I just don;t think they understand the type of pain I am dealing with, my friends all live 2 hours away from me since I moved and I am just feeling extremely lonely of and like my support system is tired of my same old sob story and tears.
I feel like I have tried everything from going on walks, praying, counselling, busying myself with school but nothing seems to alleviate this cloud of anger and hurt that somehow constantly finds its way back over my head. HELP.

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Old Sep 25th, 2017, 16:45 PM   2
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Victoria, Australia
Posts: 1,176
Oh hun, you poor thing! This is not a nice situation to be in with your expecting your first child.

I guess I don’t have much advise, or at least nothing you probably haven’t heard a million times from other people… But honestly you are worthy of a man sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better than the person you are describing as your FOB. I am sorry, but it takes two to tango, and both you and him were responsible for using protection during the deed – so this is not just “your fault”. Yes there is abortion, but clearly that is not an option for you, and that’s just something he needs to grow up and accept, even if he doesn’t agree with it (again, if he really didn’t want a child this young, then he had every chance to help avoid getting in this situation, so the blame game is just a cop out).

I have been in your situation before – not expecting a child, but wanting someone that was not worth my time, but not being able to see it then. It’s hard because you are very driven by your emotions, and at that time it can be hard to see the bigger picture (I do understand it’s much more complicated when a child is involved obviously).

I know you’ve said you tried speaking with a counsellor, but maybe it could be worthwhile trying to find another one you connect with more? Sometimes with those things, it can be a matter of finding the right person to help talk you through your feeling etc.
Do you have a lot of support from your own family and friends?

Either way, sending you big virtual hugs! You will be a good mum – you already are, just by trying to do the best you can and seek out help when you are not feeling right. Honestly, you’ll be surprised what comes naturally to you once you have your baby in your arms!

And as for the FOB… It’s cliché I know, but there really are plenty of fish in the sea, and he will not be the only person you ever have feelings for (even though it probably feels like it right now). It’s sad that he doesn’t want to be in his child’s life, but given his attitude and behaviour, in some ways that could be for the best (for both you and your child). He seems quite toxic, and you don’t need that in your lives!

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Old Sep 27th, 2017, 05:19 AM   3
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Scottish Borders
Posts: 654
I have been where you are , it's so hard and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel . Darkness swallow you and you feel truly lost . Due to several reasons I'd rather not mention I had to leave my abusive husband at 20weeks pregnant to protect my daughter and unborn daughter too. I'd suffered mental , emotional, physical and sexual abuse at his hands for so long , I was so broken and damaged as even after moving to the opposite side of the world his abuse continued . Then one day I said no more and I spoke up and got help !!!!

First off you need to have a 100% honest discussion with your Dr , midwife , and most of all your parents. They are your support network . Also look for single mother support groups , they're very beneficial . Then you need to take time to bond with your baby , I used to have a very deep bath and listen to music. I'd sing and talk to baby and tell her How much I loved her ! You are capable of this , I believe in your strength and abilities to raise a wonderful child by yourself.

P'S there are happy endings !! After being alone for over a year with my pregnancy and then both girls I finally met my Prince Charming. He picked me up and put me back together again . He took me on with all my emotional and mental baggage. Two children (with different fathers) aged 6 and 10 month. So don't listen to your ex , there will always be someone that will love you and appreciate you . .

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